[BipolarMama31]

I live in the south with my husband and 2 kids. My family lives up north. (Aunt, mom and grandma)
They are amazing people. They pay for my kids to have the best education where we live, they send me money to offset my disability payments from what i used to make while working.
They never use the money as control. Which is amazing. There are no strings attachted to the financial support.

Now, ive been out of work since february. Ive been diagnosed since 2012. Ive tried multiple pdocs and t's. Ive finally found someone who got me out of my deep depression and lessened my mania. Pdoc is amazing and DBT IOP.

Despite improvement, my family wants me to get another opinion. It comes down to they dont see me everyday and dont see how far ive come since 2012.
I wrote a long email explaining how i used to cheat on my husband, got into debt, missed a huge amount of work, had an alcohol problem etc. Since 2012.
They were shocked and supportive and feel horribly sad for me.

Despite them finally understanding me and my condition, they still want to send me to the mayo clinic for the best care in the US.

When my husband started getting sick in 2011, they sent him there and he got amazing treatment. He has an autoimmune disease which was not being treated correctly where we live and the mayo clinic saved his life.

I am at a slow incline in my health and dont think an intervention is necessary right now. If i start to decline i think it would be good. But not now. And my husband agrees with me.
So to appease them, i drove 3 hours to chapel hill and got a second opinion. That dr seems great, but her plan is to hospitalize me for 2 weeks and get off all meds, go through withdrawals and psychosis and start over with new meds.
I am concerned that if i do this, i will lose the drive i have right now to get better. Before this year i didnt take meds correctly or go to therapy regularly, but now im working so hard on myself.
My husband agrees with me.

I just dont know what to do. I know they are trying to help and everything comes from a place of concern and love, but they are pushing for new treatment that i just dont think is best right now. Maybe a year ago, but not now.

Just venting and looking for support on my decision i guess. Or, an argument as to why it would make sense to follow what they want. Thanks!

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I'm not going to tell you what to do. That being said, I'm from Canada, healthcare is free but wait times are horrendous. If I had the opportunity to go to Mayo for assessment and someone else was paying. I would be going whether I felt well or not.

Here's why. To even just be assessed by some of the best doctors in the world would be terrific. Gain better knowledge wow what a bonus. To really understand my illnesses priceless! I truly believe I would come out of there better. Would I be cured, no of course not.

Just having a different perspective, more knowledge of my illnesses would help me once I returned home. Even if I was feeling better.

That's my thoughts. Ultimately they mean nothing. You do what feels right for you. After all you have the right to autonomy. Good luck in your journey. Off now.

[BipolarMama31]

Shawkat thank you for your perspective.

It was actually eye opening. I reread what i wrote and i sound like an ungrateful rich b*****.
People would kill for the opportunity i have, and im just complaining?
Whats wrong with me?

I have to realize i have the chance for the best care and just take it! Duh!

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[Trippin2.0]

I actually wouldn't go either.


Don't fix it if it ain't broke, right?


I prefer the "keep doing what I'm doing and opt for Mayo if things go south" plan.


Why?


Not because I'm a rich beech, lol lol lol, some money would be nice. But because any sudden upheaval tends to make things worse for my BP and BPD.


Shawkat has some very good points no doubt, but I personally don't believe a pdoc could tell me anything Idk at this point. What with me living it and researching it, I probably have more knowledge. Haha


Well, that's just my take on it, use it, don't use it.

[BipolarMama31]

Trippin thats a good point. Maybe if things dont keep on track ill go.

Im stable, and i use that word very loosely. I have psychotic breaks atleast once a week and go through mania and depression still. Just not as severe.
I think my husband doesnt want to get another opinion because this is the first time he has been involved with my health and he has put up with the hoorible things i did in the past and he is scared to make any changes that could lead back down that road.

Ah im so conflicted.

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by BipolarMama31

They never use the money as control. Which is amazing. There are no strings attachted to the financial support.

Despite improvement, my family wants me to get another opinion.

Despite them finally understanding me and my condition, they still want to send me to the mayo clinic for the best care in the US.

I will be completely honest here and say that it seems to me that you may be the type of person that tends to be pushed/manipulated and controlled by others and are minimizing this in the hopes of not "bashing" your family that you feel you are obligated to give a pass because they help you out so much financially.

My point being how you had to emphasize that they are "not controlling" and the financial help is "no strings attached" before pointing out the real reason for this post which is you being pressured to get another opinion on your mental health care.

"despite my improvement..." so in other words they disregard what you tell them has been progress in your mental health. So they ignore that you say you've improved and although you minimize it, it seems to me they are pressuring you to do something that would normally not be anything they have a say in... but then, they support you financially and honestly they feel they have a right to tell you where to go for help. That, to me seems to be the brutal truth even if you minimize or avoid it.

If it weren't for the financial support, you'd be able to entirely just say "no thank you, I am working on it and making progress" But the reason you are here is because you feel obligated somehow or compelled to give in to their demands (or suggestions as you called it)

"..Despite them finally understanding me and my condition..." This implies that you've taken some time to actually have to convince them of your condition.

I think the words you've used here and how you've described things speak volumes to what seems to be going on here.

Can you get support financially elsewhere? First thing I would do is seek other support in this area so as not to feel obligated in any way to comply with their desires.

[BipolarMama31]

S4- you are amazingly spot on with calling me out. (Not in a negative way) you described my personality as being pushed/manipulated. And that is 100% correct.
I guess if money wasnt invvoled i would be more blunt with them.
But i do try to keep the peace.
And there really isnt any other option for money right now. Im waiting for ssdi, but i just got my first denial. So im living off of metlife payments.

Yea i am being pushed into something i dont think i need. And theyve acknowledged what ive gone through and where im at now, but are still pushing.

But on the other hand, who am i to turn down such a generous offer?

My husband also has a 'motive' of sorts, because he doesnt want to rock the boat.
Ive gotten conficted advice from my medical team, but i am easily persuaded into things. Part of borderline ive been told.

I appreciate the feedback im getting here. Its making me really think. And i think im more confused than before i solicted advice but thats what im looking for.

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by BipolarMama31

S4- you are amazingly spot on with calling me out. (Not in a negative way) you described my personality as being pushed/manipulated. And that is 100% correct.
I guess if money wasnt invvoled i would be more blunt with them.
But i do try to keep the peace.
And there really isnt any other option for money right now. Im waiting for ssdi, but i just got my first denial. So im living off of metlife payments.

Yea i am being pushed into something i dont think i need. And theyve acknowledged what ive gone through and where im at now, but are still pushing.

But on the other hand, who am i to turn down such a generous offer?

My husband also has a 'motive' of sorts, because he doesnt want to rock the boat.
Ive gotten conficted advice from my medical team, but i am easily persuaded into things. Part of borderline ive been told.

I appreciate the feedback im getting here. Its making me really think. And i think im more confused than before i solicted advice but thats what im looking for.

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thank you. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for giving the answer I was looking for. AT the point where you realize that there isn't any other financial option, you have to ask yourself, will it hurt you more in order to go with what they want? Will "keeping the peace" be detrimental to your well being or peace at home or is this a knee jerk reaction because, like me, you resist sometimes after being very compliant for a long time and get tired of being pushed? Thing is, people like us, the compliant ones, get a wild idea to resist but because we many times go through life begrudgingly complying, we tend to pick the wrong times to resist! Sometimes even when the other people are actually right if we're in that "mode" we resist without a solid reason to do so. Ask yourself if this is what is going on.

Then decide if it will actually hurt you to go along with it. We already know financially it would not. They'd pay for it. We already know it would help to keep the peace like you so desire to do all the time. So how would it be detrimental to you? My impulse is to say it won't, and potentially it could be beneficial. Considering it's free help to you, I'd seriously consider these questions

[BipolarMama31]

Wow. You are so insightful. I am going to screenshot this and save it. Its just such powerful words to think over.
Thank you again. You are a stranger, yet i feel like you totally get my mind unlike any of my family right now. Thank you

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