[skittles]

im sick of being called mean by my b/f.... i admit i can get mean at times.... he knows i have a short fuse... but he keeps on at me... i try tell him not to pick with me at times and he says ur mean... and rude.... and he doesnt stop.. hes only trying to play but he knows that most of the time i want left alone.. cant help it.... i dont know how to make him understand......

[Wants2Fly]

You always have a choice. I think you know what to do . . .

[skittles]

actually i dont.. i love him with all my heart and dont want to be mean... i just need help to make him understand that sometimes i need to be left alone when im in these kinds of moods... i know hes just trying to get me to laugh and stuff but sometimes i just dont want to....

[Direction]

UGH! That isn't very nice of b/f don't you think? I think wants was suggesting you have a choice to stay or go.

Before you make such a large decision...Have you had your candid conversation asserting how this makes you feel about yourself, him, and your relationship?

If you have had a sit down and this continues...sounds like there is no respect from him...something really important fact to know

Either way it would be a good idea to find out exactly how much he values you and the relationship. Then you can make a choice of should I stay or should I go now...

[skittles]

im not gonna go.. thats not what i meant..... i just mean how can i make him see that sometimes i just need left alone...... sorry if u guys took what i was asking the wrong way..... its just his way to pick and plau around.. that just the way he is.. i just dont know how to mkae him see is all....

[pegasus]

Hello skittles,

Can you pick a good moment where you and he can have a serious heart to heart. Tell him how you feel and what he means to you and that sometimes you need time alone?

If he loves you then he will respect you and allow you to have some space.

Hope this works for you.

[sabby]

(((((((((((((skittles))))))))))))))

Maybe your boyfriend doesn't know what to think or how to feel when you get into the times when you need alone time. Maybe he is thinking he's done something wrong and he's trying to be playful to get you into a better mood. Maybe HE can't handle alone time and does these things so he's not alone.....fighting with you at least keeps you both talking (or yelling, whichever the case may be). Does that make any sense at all??

From my experience with someone who wasn't comfortable with his own aloneness, when I needed space and he hounded me, it was because he couldn't handle it in someway. When I finally realized this was his issue, we worked on things he could do when I needed my space so that neither one of us felt guilty or fought about it anymore. It took some time, but he finally came to enjoy some separation between us (I don't like being smothered with constant attention, good or bad LOL).

Just some thoughts for you.

Hugsss
J

[Direction]

Sabby that is really good insight...

[Maven]

Do you tell your boyfriend you want to be left alone? He can't read your mind. Women often say about men, they're "just supposed to know." It would be nice if men always knew the right thing to say and do (and it would be nice if we could do the same for them), but that's not reality. You have to tell him.

My boyfriend often tries to make me laugh when I'm angry or upset, and that's not what I need then. It actually makes me feel worse, or resentful. I need someone to listen, or to leave me alone, and I began telling him this, and he's better about doing that.

[skittles]

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skittles said:
.... ... i try tell him not to pick with me at times and he says ur mean... and rude.... and he doesnt stop..

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yes as i first posted.. he ends up saying that im being mean cause i dont want him to tickle me or do w/e hes doing to me.... but i think ur right Sabau he has told me that when we r fighting that atleast he gets some attention.. i think he thinks i dont pay much attention to him... now that i think of it i might be my fault cause i prob dont even though we r in the same house everyday and always together we dont have quailty time... idk..... my moods make me the way i am.....

[meander]

Maybe you guys should arrange to spend a night or two a week together having quality time, and a night or two doing your own thing? Or if that's too tricky, maybe ask him for an hour on your own, and then you'll hang out with him?

My boyfriend and I went through similar issues when we moved in together in January, esp as it's the first time living together with anyone for both of us. Good luck :-)

[sabby]

That's a really good idea meander....planing some "date" nights or days, whichever the case may be could be a great way of working around this issue.

Sometimes even planning little projects around the house together like, cleaning out the closets and dressers, painting or decorating a room, washing windows, whatever you can find to expend some energy together. Then, plan on some good "me" time.....both of you doing something for yourselves alone....taking a nap, reading, computing, watching a movie, taking a walk to be alone with your thoughts. Just some ideas. I know it's hard to plan your moods LOL....but sometimes having something to look forward to can elevate your mood

Hugsss
J

[skittles]

i hate my moods.... like weve planed things and ive been excited the day before then i wake up in a terrible mood and we dont end up doing them cause "I" dont feel like doing them... "I" dont feel like being around anyone i think im the problem...grrrrrr to myself and my moods

[sabby]

(((((((((((( skittles )))))))))))))))

Is it truly a mood that you are in when you decide not to do something you have planned to do or is it anxiety that is stopping you from doing those things, and then putting you into a bad mood?

I have had issues with things like that before and it's anxiety that stops me in my tracks sometimes. Then I get mad at myself for being so silly. I know that when I've forced myself past the anxiousness and sucked it up and gone and done what I had planned to do, I'm usually quite glad that I did.

Don't know if this is your situation or not. Just some thoughts

Hugsss
J

[skittles]

no its my moods.. cause when were gonna do fun stuff .. well supposed to be fun stuff i have no anxiety.. i get anxiety over like going to docs stuff like that.... not over plans that im looking forward to... i guess its my fault cause i dont take meds and when i did take meds my moods were alot better... i mean id still have my days but nothing like when i dont take them..... but im going to see a new pdoc this thursday so im hopin they can find a med that doesnt make the sick and ill be a little better....