[Crazy Hitch]

I've got my first court date on Thursday this week for property settlement with my (ex) husband. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. I don't even think I have words to explain the turmoil I feel.

It's not about the proceedings, or any rulings, per say. It's that I fear that I will be unable to control my emotions and just burst into a flood of tears at any given point, or worse, so angry that I say something inappropriate. I feel so volatile and anxious right now

Wish me luck and good wishes please ....

[Ocean Swimmer]

Good luck!
Do you have a friend to accompany you to court? That will help I think.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Good luck!
Do you have a friend to accompany you to court? That will help I think.

Hmmmm ... good idea but my friends list is rather scarce and the financial details divulged I wouldn't want any of my friends there so it's me on my own and the Duty Lawyer. My closest friends mother passed away last week. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there.

Take something to hold in your hand. Holding onto something usually helps my anxiety. By the way, you don't need permission to be emotional.

Consider too, you would not be the first person to be emotional in court. Plenty of people have - and have come out sucessfuly in the end.

good luck.

karma will get him. good always defeats evil.

[Ocean Swimmer]

The court allowed my ex chase me out of court screaming.
I had just been awarded a restraining order.
Even outside the courthouse he chased me to the police station accross the park. Yelling , "what are you going to do?-hold up the paper against bullets? Nobody helped me.
Snot was flying. I was crying. I had to sit in police station to wait for him to leave.
Now I know why some people take the law into their own hands.

[Bill3]

Good luck and good wishes!

(((((Crazy Hitch)))))

Wishing you strength!

Do you have coping strategies in place in the event you feel triggered? Concentrating on slowing my breathing is helpful to me.

Remember that whatever is said in court that words spoken are not necessarily true, you hold your truth within you and no one can take that away.

[divine1966]

Stay very strong and don't show emotions. Good luck

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[88Butterfly88]

Wishing you the best!

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Take something to hold in your hand. Holding onto something usually helps my anxiety. By the way, you don't need permission to be emotional.

Consider too, you would not be the first person to be emotional in court. Plenty of people have - and have come out sucessfuly in the end.

Good idea ... I remember my psych last week telling me to take something and put it in my pocket that I can touch when I feel anxious to "ground" myself.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

The court allowed my ex chase me out of court screaming.
I had just been awarded a restraining order.
Even outside the courthouse he chased me to the police station accross the park. Yelling , "what are you going to do?-hold up the paper against bullets? Nobody helped me.
Snot was flying. I was crying. I had to sit in police station to wait for him to leave.
Now I know why some people take the law into their own hands.

I'm sorry you had to go through that

Thinking of you!

[Chyialee]

Hold onto yourself real hard, Hitch. I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this very tough stuff. Sucks that the only way through it is....through it!

You will emerge on the other side. Like everything else, this whole idea and procedures of divorce are a process....not an Event. I know it can be so very exhausting. I shall rattle beads and send all the good vibes I can lay my energy upon!

I like the idea of having something in your pocket to grasp. Many many years ago when I was having a hard time health-wise and my anxiety was fairly thru the roof, Crazyman sent me a little polished 'Worry-stone". I was like, WTH? But it was remarkably helpful. I sat thru lots of intense mediation/ counselling/emotional confrontation etc rubbing my thumb across the groove in said stone and mentally repeating 'This too shall pass..." It sounds wacky but it was very comforting.

Maybe you can find something of that nature? Beats a pet rock lol.

Many hugs, Hitch.
xo,

Chyia, wishing you fortitude

[healingme4me]

((((Crazy Hitch)))) sending you warm thoughts through this. Keep us posted

I'll be sending good thoughts your way...

And I agree about the stone...
I keep a crystal around...there are specific ones for specific things (my logical side does not agree with things like that). I figure it can't hurt and it might help.

[Moogieotter]

Everyone adores Crazy Hitch!

[mugwort2]

I'm sending you gentle hugs, prayers, my good thoughts. Maybe thinking of how much better its going to be when this is all resolved. If you can give yourself positive affirmations you're going to get through this. When your through with this it'll be so much better for you. Something to look forward to. A better , more peaceful life.

[Crazy Hitch]

Thanks everyone !
Not as bad as I thought it would be in here. Just on a quick break.

[Whisper888]

You got this girl! Staighten your tiara, hold your head up high and walk into that court knowing your the better person.

[divine1966]

Hoping for the best here

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[Crazy Hitch]

Thanks ... I managed to keep my cool but it was a damn long day. Cracked it at the end and told my exes lawyer it's a pity she couldn't study a people's skill degree at the same time that she got her law degree because clearly she's not equiped with those skills. Oh well.

Looks like I have to be out of my place in 8 weeks. I think "single" income mothers might be one of the hardest to get rental approval for around here. Or so I've been told. Throw in the fact I've got 2 dogs - could be tough!

I had the pet issue, too. Three cats and apartment searching. My ex agreed to keep "my cats" in the marital home until I found an apartment I could afford and allowed my pets.

In my area, there are a lot of apartment complexes that allow pets, even large dogs. Some even had dog pet playgrounds. I don't recommend living next to one of those. Too noisy but the dogs have a blast.

What you will likely find is they want a hefty "pet fee" upfront and it is non refundable. So, refundable security deposit, non refundable pet fee, first and last month's rent, were the main things expected. Some require documentation of insurance which is inexpensive and they will handle. Policy terminates when you vacate.

I politely asked them to waive silly stuff like $35 application fee and they did. Being polite to the leasing and maintenance staff during your occupancy will go a long way.

When you do find a place, make sure a staff person does a thorough walk-through of your new place with you present. There will be little things here and there....maybe a frayed area of carpet in a bedroom corner, a chipped wall corner, a scratch on the kitchen countertop. You also want to be present for the walk-through when you vacate and have your copy of the initial wall-through inspection.

Get them to notate that and keep a copy for yourself. They expect normal wear and tear but they can't ding you for replacing a countertop, for example, when the initial walk-through showed damage was already there.

I had to move four times during my divorce and three of those were apartments. PM me if you ever need support or want to vent.

PS: I applied as a single mother on disability and got approved no problem. Mainly depends on your credit rating. Talk to your attorney if you are having issues getting approved.

[divine1966]

So he wants you to move out with the kids to an apartment but he will live in the house? I don't get how it works. If he keeps the house shouldn't he refinance and give you half?

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