[black-roses]

Okay, well I have been staying with a 2 year old and it has been confronting to see all my beliefs about creation, birth, women fertility fall on my face as I realize how depressed I really am that in having sex I can create life. Honestly this makes sense on why I would feel depressed and disgusted and even resentful towards sex. Especially if I view life as a burden and children as something that is suffocating the life out of me. It also makes sense why I would refuse to get close to any guy because I view it as if I fall pregnant my life is literally over and I can say goodbye to my sanity. Plus I feel like the guy will be adding to the stress and insanity I have all these fears around relationships and family. Basically I am afraid of recreating the life I had as a child so it makes sense that I would be afraid to get close to any guy. All I have to do is be clear on what will and won't tolerate and I will have to communicate early on my fears around children. Bascially I feel like children can trap you in an abusive situation and my fear is having a child and then he is abusive and I can't leave just like my mother with my father.

[divine1966]

You can have sex and not create life as long as you use birth control properly

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[black-roses]

I know but I am allergic to latex and I forget the pill so he will need non latex condoms

[divine1966]

There are plenty of other methods that don't involve pills or condoms. Talk to your doctor

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Are you receiving treatment by a pdoc and therapist? I'm not judging you at all - you seem to be constantly ruminating over men, sex, and your body. These are normal things we should think about....but your numerous threads demonstrate a pattern that you're consumed by it.

You need help with this. I don't know if you have a diagnosis but you need and deserve treatment. I hope you get help soon. I have OCD and I have ruminating thoughts. Meds and therapy help so much. I am not suggesting you have OCD. You need a doctor for a diagnosis.

What do you think?

[black-roses]

To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if I had OCD I always had a ritual growing up weather it was obsessively biting my lip etc

It's very treatable. We are here for your support. Keep us posted. xo

[Crazy Hitch]

I'd suggest you get an iud or some form in place. Speak to your GP regarding your options.

[black-roses]

I had the implanon and I didn't like the hormones so I want to try the non hormonal IUD

[divine1966]

Are you sexually active? Or is this just hypothetical? I would not insert anything unless you actually intend to be sexual. Talk to your doc

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Are you receiving treatment by a pdoc and therapist? I'm not judging you at all - you seem to be constantly ruminating over men, sex, and your body. These are normal things we should think about....but your numerous threads demonstrate a pattern that you're consumed by it.

You need help with this. I don't know if you have a diagnosis but you need and deserve treatment. I hope you get help soon. I have OCD and I have ruminating thoughts. Meds and therapy help so much. I am not suggesting you have OCD. You need a doctor for a diagnosis.

What do you think?

I agree with this. All your posts are about men and your anger or frustration with them. I get the idea that you're pretty young so it's normal to feel indifferent about having your own family so soon. I just turned 29 and the thought of having my own kid scares the crap out of me even though I'm deeply in love with my fiancé. He has two kids of his own so we keep busy. As for now there are many forms of birth control you can use. Injections that are just once a month etc.

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Kids truly do change your life. My daughter is wonderful but I waited until I was 29 to have her. I wanted to finish law school and start my career. I'm glad I had my early to mid 20's to be a young adult not saddled with the responsibilities of a child.

[divine1966]

I had mine at 21, but I was married, employed and finishing college and my ex was already done with college and employed. It was planned pregnancy, not an accident. I certainly don't regret it. It never prevented me from keeping a professional job and getting grad degree etc although I was stay at home mom for first 2 years but I was still very young when I wanted back to continue my career.

Now there is no judgement for accidental pregnancies but it's pretty easy to avoid it nowadays.

Also since you don't work and still live at home plus aren't really in a relationship, I don't think pregnancy should be a priority here. I'd focus on other stuff

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[black-roses]

I'm not planning to have kids anyway these are just fears I am not sexually active I haven't been for a year which is great. To be honest I am happier now that I haven't had sex with anyone it always felt shameful and strange when I had sex with anyone. So I am glad that I don't anymore. I don't intend to become sexual again I like it better this way I don't ever want to go back. I am afraid that if I had a relationship I would have to... So I don't really talk to anyone.