[TishaBuv]

I am at a professional development conference where we go from one speaker to another who tries to motivate us.

I feel totally overwhelmed about actually doing all that actually doing my job successfully requires. So, while all the other people are thinking about how they can rush out and implement all this info, I am thinking about how I am really thinking about this brief time away as a God-send because I am so cracked up.

I am wearing a business suit and I know that I have self-inflicted bruises no one would ever dream under my clothes.

The motivational speakers are pretending they are such polished professionals who are always up,up,up and super successful. I asked one if he has ever really met anyone who is truly as consistently focused as he is professing to be. I'm thinking that these speakers are possibly not that much less desperate IRL than I am and are just as good as putting on an act as I. The speaker insisted before the whole audience with a straight face that, yes,, he is always so great.

So, all the things they are saying to do to be a leader in business, I am thinking about how I can do to just try to have a decent marriage. I have to be the leader to get my relationship to be something I can live with. No, my h will never do what I have been unsuccessful at trying to get. Therefore, I am a bad leader.

IDK, I'm just a desperate housewife in a business suit. Phoney baloney.,

I agree with your perspective that these people are everyday people for the most part. Maybe some are very well-adjusted, many are average with typical problems and some have deeper troubles. They aren't better than you, not one bit. =]

[divine1966]

No one is better than anyone else.

As about bad leader unable to change your spouse, well it doesn't make bad leader. You can't change other people. You either accept them or move on. It takes two people to have strong marriage. And since you are employed you aren't a housewife.

Don't beat yourself up

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[Michelea]

They are polished professionals, who are paid to give presentations in a very polished way. It's their job, but it is not a reflection of their real life.

Being a good leader does not equate to getting good results. Even the best leader cannot control the "work" others are willing to do.

[TishaBuv]

I am not a leader. I am a follower, or a codependent is maybe the best term.

I am overwhelmed with everything put on me to make happen. I don't really know what to do with myself.

I am not lazy. I had no problem working 70 hour weeks in retail when I worked with my parents. I knew what I had to do and I happily did it.

The concept of what I have to do to be totally employed in what I'm doing now is way too overwhelming for me to take on alone. If I had a partner who was with me or guiding me, it would be a different story. Plus I don't want to be completely involved in my work. I want to spend time with my family.

I can't even handle knowing what I am supposed to be doing on a daily basis. I don't have a routine that is productive and healthy. I am totally in charge of everything I do, and I am overwhelmed, underwhelmed, bored, frustrated, and I get depressed.

I'm a person who does best along others who are at least equal with me in doing things, and I don't do well alone.

My husband has a career that is totally his, it's not something I can do with him. When he's home, he's lazy, he just likes to watch TV. There isn't much to do even for recreation where we live, not much culture.

I could get him into what I do, and he would help me with it, but I haven't figured that out yet as to how. I have a lot to learn before I know what I'm doing.

So, we spend a lot of time watching TV and I climb the walls with boredom.

This is the problem! Of course it's my own fault. There are loads of things I could do, but I feel too overwhelmed about even starting, or I feel too depressed to bother because those things are not necessary and I just get depressed.

I have depression! I really do.

If I had a h that motivated me and kept me busy, I'd be fine. It's not like I can't get out of bed with depression...it's that I can't motivate myself depression, if that makes sense.

[divine1966]

Hmm I honestly think you put too much on your husband in regards to motivating you and guiding you or keeping you busy. The only people I motivate and guide are my students because they are minors plus have disabilities, I have no desire to guide an able bodied adult. Does your husband know you feel like this?

You don't have to be a leader to be successful. It appears that your job requires leadership skills and perhaps is too much for you. There is no shame in admitting that certain jobs just aren't for us. If you like retail why don't you try to go back to it? Or try something new? If your job brings no satisfaction, unless maybe it pays a ton or you are a sole provider, I'd go look for something else

As about doing things, we do lots on days off but on weekdays after work there is no energy or to do anything. I don't know too many people who can or want to do things after full time work shifts. There are times my husband can barely walk when he comes home, he wouldn't be physically capable of doing nothing even if he wanted.

Are you talking to your doc about depression? Or your t?

I personally feel ( might be wrong), that if you had a job you liked you'd feel different. And how about some girlfriends for free time when husband is watching tv? You don't need to stick by him all the time


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