Freeing yourself from being obsessed with an ex who is rejecting you.

I just discovered this video today. As part of my therapy I have a "breakup buddy" and she sent me this video today.

Being in therapy for awhile now, I'm familiar with the concepts she is describing for some reason this video rang a bell to my higher self and I feel a lot better.

If you are obsessed with an ex, suffering after a breakup and need relief, this is a good start.

Cant listen to her voice.

Thanks for the link. I just had a break up with an emotionally unavailable person, and I can understand what the woman in the video was talking about when it comes to unmet needs. I can see it's not really my ex that I'm needing, but it's other needs that aren't getting met that I'm unable to fulfill. I realize I've been building up this person to be someone he is not and ignoring what I bring to the table in a relationship. It's almost like an addiction of wanting something I cannot have. She does talk a lot about parents and not getting needs met in childhood. However, I did have parents that gave me the things I want in life. The only issue I can think of offhand is that my mother often had issues dealing with her anger in the best way with me when I made mistakes growing up. So I'm still confused as to how I developed some of these patterns.

It is very helpful to explore and work through these issues however you can. Don't ignore it or the cycle will repeat. We are dealing with very subtle influences with origins that are not so obvious.

Even when our needs were unintentionally neglected, there is an impact.

If you are able to explore this via a therapist of some type, it would be most helpful.

I recommend watching Susan Elliott's videos on Youtube related to her book called "Getting Past Your Break Up" very very helpful. https://www.youtube.com/user/GettingPastYourPast

Take care. Stay positive and remember.. NO CONTACT

Thank you for this.

I'm in this complex situation where I am totally obsessed with the other person. I can't even call her my ex. I am trying to get over someone who I never even had a relationship with

Mermaid, we create attachments and sometimes there is no obvious explanation but when there is a break up and severance of important relationships, we are put through the paces of grief. Explore your heart and mind. Take inventory of your relationships and your life and look for the common threads for answers.

There is an article about Complicated Grief and a Grief quiz on Psych Central. Very useful. You may not have realized that you are experiencing a "loss" in every sense of the word and need to grieve. Grief Quiz - Psych Central

I just started watching videos by John Bradshaw: "Healing the Shame That Binds You" Very insightful.

Take care and keep seeking those answers from within y9urself.

-Lele

Limerence?

Raven, your comment about (unrealistically) building the person up is so true, IME. We tend to only see part of the person. Good insight. Take care. xoxo

Thanks for sharing this. She gave a good explanation for the type of work throughs necessary for overcoming codep. I appreciated how she described what to expect to work on. And yes, it takes a long time.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Yes you can call it that... so intense, and painful. The desire for that person to feel the same way, but knowing that they do not. Asking myself, or my brain why are you feeling this way without any reason? I don't understand it.

So so true.

Thank you. I'm actually in tears right now. I know the grief process quite well. But you mentioning this punched me back into reality that this person is gone. I must move on with my life and be thankful for the wonderful people I have, that want to be part of my life.

I should quit bargaining... and living in denial. I am finally accepting this.

Thinking of you. xo