My Mom again is playing victim and treating me like garbage

I can never win, she lies in a hypocritical manner every single time she doesn't feel it's convenient for her when she put this on herself.

I thought she be proud I am moving out to be independent. I decided to move back, because I have a good girlfriend and I want to take responsibility of having a kid now. She is like no, you won't make money there unlike here.

I won't pay this or that. I never asked her to pay for anything. I already had it all covered a place to stay and work. I already decided to have my gf help me be independent together live together and we wanted to do this, because we can do this, but no.

It's inconvenient for her because of insurance rates are higher back in ohio than texas.

I couldn't say anything, she interrupts me tells me how it's all bad and puts words in my mouth that never were said assumes things takes everything out on me emotionally.

I am paying for my car insurance and when I can't pay for it, I can walk to work. I know what's going on. She never can trust me, she doesn't want to lose me.

She treated me like I'm the bad guy when I was little when I was abused so what the **** should I even care to bother trying.

Yeah she provided services and ******** and basic needs for me, but other than that she gave up as a mother all together.

Selfish, greedy, enjoys vices hopefully not drinking now, because she's getting too into alcohol recently. It's concerned me alot because my father is a fully recovered alcoholic and been sober since I was 3 so it be like 20 years.

She had a gambling problems spends all my hard earned money for gambling debts and other ******** I wasn't notified till I either caught her in the act or found out after.

I felt unloved all my life, my father was cool, but distant, but my mother is both distant, narcassistic and only cares about her self.

She pushed away my sister, and you know she was the main reason my mental health is garbage.

I put up with her treating me like dirt, telling me things like I'm mentally stupid in her eyes. Treating me inferior, my gf saw her back when she stayed with me every once in awhile saw my mother get upset with me, when I suffering in a lot of pain from my neuro problems, takes it out on me and shoves me to the side when I wanted her to help me.

My gf got very upset and was crying how badly she treats me. I didn't really think of it, because I was used to her **** for all my life.

A lot of my posts on here relate to me being and feeling unloved, because I feel when it goes right when I had it good with my gf, my mother wants me to stay by her and makes it damn hard and threatens me to get an attorney to keep my car for my insurance out in ohio and threatens me about how the irs will come after me and all this legal ****. That I'm pretty somewhat aware of on some things that are true and others that are complete bs in her efforts to scare and control me.

When I call her out, she whines, complains, gets mad and plays victim and cries. Always telling me how her kids, never appreciated her, taking small **** too personally and makes mountains out of molehills.

Too busy about her money and too busy about her life and ruining mine, too busy taking advantage of me and not letting me grow.

I wanted to die, because of her too, my financial state is so messed up because she doesn't want me to get by. She doesn't believe in me and she only cares about herself since ever.

My whole life, I felt the most unloved child and human in existence because I damn fought hard to get my mother to care. She doesn't despite what she says, people see a small picture, she cares in some areas, but not all of it not even close. She is a half *** mom, she is a hard worker, but other than that. She don't give a damn.

It's messed up my memories going to other families for their mom's to be living with them like they were my own. I had that happen plenty of times other parents parented me, because of my mother not taking responsibility. I wouldn't act out or anything like that, but I was disciplined in certain traditions or ways adopting different types of culture in other households mine didn't have.

So it was hard to me having to take someone else's family as my own and even friends to be parents to me, because I lacked their emotional love.

I can't believe any therapist or any one who disagrees and says my mom loves me.

I would rather die, than admit she did more than the bare minimum.

It's okay Y, we have all had parent issues to different extents.

I know it's tough to make the decision to be independent when someone doesn't want you to...especially a family member. I have gone through it to a lesser degree with a family member, so get it.

You have to live for you, not someone else.

A part of me wants her to be proud of me being independent another part of me doesn't want her in my life and another desperately needs her.

I can't have what I want from her ever, so I have no choice, but to live without her. She has to deal with it.

I am 50 and still trying to navigate a relationship with my narcissistic, histrionic mother. No, she has never been diagnosed with anything, would never even think there is anything wrong with her. Although she does now admit to PTSD.

I have learned that she is just a contrarian. What she says constantly changes to good/bad, approval/disapproval. I have learned that I can never stay good for her. I try to be a good daughter, and I am. But, no matter what, I will still get her disapproval and anger.

I have learned to just tell her what she wants to hear and keep a safe distance. I just try to shut my mouth and let her rant. I see it as a trap she is setting to try to catch me. I tell myself to stay calm and don't say anything. I tell her the food is burning and I have to hang up the phone or something.

Your mother will never change. But you will want to continue some relationship with her because she is your mother. It is too painful to remove her from your life. Tread lightly!

I hate her. I hope she burns in hell one day forever holding my life hostage. Treating me like **** or her puppet, and will never let me decide for myself. I had means to be independent, but no it's not in her perfect ****ed world so that means if I don't end my life, find a way out or anything. I'll be stuck as her little ***** for life.

She will make damn sure I won't have a relationship with my gf and make damn sure my decision to be with her because she is the mother of my baby despite everything. My mother hates her and now me.

You sound really angry and like you're moving to this state to piss her off, which is a rather crap way to start your independence. I know she's not given you a lot to work with, and I'm not saying she is a good mom or doing anything right, but you sound like you need anger management help.

If you believe me moving out is meant to be some petty way to make her mad, you're wrong.
You don't know what I was really mad about, despite what I've already stated.

I had my independence, she stole my money I worked hard for I originally would of had 8 grand for rent. I don't have it.

I'm stuck in a bind whether or not I remotely have a chance in life for something, because financial strains are hitting me from all angles from things I had no control in.
For example, I have a rare neuro condition that I'm keeping under wraps despite it hurting me immensely so I don't be on disability or have my license taken away from it.

I don't care what you think it maybe some selfish personal issue. It isn't if you had your mother turn your back on you when you were raped many times by someone. That if when you had to need any support at all, she acts like a child and you have to parent her not the way it should be.

The fact she is very selfish and I'm not allowed any opportunity to go to school or she even punishes me by not letting me go to work or something so stupid, just to prove a silly point how immature she is.

You random person on the internet likes to make good of a guess as a deranged crack ***** trying to solve quantum theory and economics being some data analyst or something I don't know.

I'm deleting this thing I don't need it.

Y,

It's a terrible feeling when others do not validate our experiences, especially in relation to "parents" we are supposed to receive guidance from.

I understand your situation, and you may seek independence and find further evidence of your mother's mistreatment of you. Sometimes, a good amount of distance can give us the clarity we need to see who our elders really are (even more-so than you know, now).

I grew up with a very controlling and dependent mother -- total enmeshment, surrounded by a biological family which enabled said enmeshment. It's a terrible feeling to want to detach from such toxicity, expecting a supportive remark-or-two (at the very least) from those we at some point perhaps looked up to, or at least trusted to have our best interests (achievements, desires, etc.) in mind.

On my end, I have found the only option I have in life regarding this issue, and what I have found to help me the most, has been to divorce all of my toxic relatives. Though some people say they have the best intentions, sometimes those intentions are completely misleading and selfish. People use the excuse of love and good intentions to control others, and continue behaving in ways, which are harmful to others.

Children, adolescents, young adults, adults, and elders, all deserve the same amount of respect and rights. Many persons of past generations are truly in violation of this ideal, and "not being used to it" is no excuse.

Sorry you have to deal with this situation. I have, myself, and I am very glad to have left my own toxic mother's home, when I did (though it was long overdue).

I very much see this forum as a space where people who are expressing their issues and feelings, should feel safe to do-so, rather than judged. Let's try validating and respecting this person's experience, rather than further putting them down.

You may have had positive intentions, though they honestly do appear unsupportive and a bit judgmental. Let's try being a bit more open, here.

Y,

I hope you receive my response, before you decide to delete. If not, I wish you the best.

It sounds like your mother feels others owe her and doesn't want to be responsible for "her" actions. It also sounds from what you have been describing that your mother doesn't know "how" or ever knew "how" to give you the care and love and respect you needed from her.

You have to come to the realization that you are standing under a fruit tree that simply can't bear fruit and yet you continue to "hope" that it will simply because you take the time and stand there waiting for it.

At some point you have to accept the fact that you are not going to get what you want from your mother and also realize it's not your fault either. When you keep "asking" your mother to give you something she doesn't have, you will continue to anger her and end up being treated the way she has always treated you. Maybe your father is a cool dude, but keeps his distance because he already knows "he" can't win.

Women get married and have children, but that doesn't mean these women make good mothers or even good wives or understand what giving "love" and care for others really means, often these women did not get that themselves and may have developed toxic ways of handling others because no one filled "their" needs when they were growing and developing. If your mother is drinking and gambling, then both those problems mean your mother needs help and the only one that can take the right steps towards improving your mother's life and relationships, is "your mother".

IMHO "Open Eyes" reply makes good sense. No offense to OE I would include no matter what your mother and father think of you and no matter how they treat you, please remember you are a good man.