When it's okay for others to say or do something but not me

For some reason, I get treated like it is okay for someone else to say or do something, but not me. Like, there has been times when I would make a joke and others would respond by telling me to never say that again. But then like a minute or two later, someone else makes that exact same joke, or one very similar, and everyone thinks it's hilarious. Same for doing something. Others may do something that is okay to do, but then if they see me doing it, they question why I'm doing whatever it is.

For example, one year I was helping freshmen move into the dorms since I was an orientation leader, and some other orientation leaders were using big carts to put stuff in. At one point, I saw an empty one just sitting in the hallway not being used, so I took it once I found out it wasn't needed. When the other orientation leaders saw me using it, they looked at me funny as asked why I was using it. I told them that they were using it as well so it shouldn't be a problem.

There was no rule against using them and were actually encouraged to be used. Just don't understand why I get treated like that at times. I don't know if it is a sign that they don't like me as much and they are showing it by telling me not to say or do something that is okay for others to do or what it is. Sometimes I feel like it is their way of making things difficult for me or showing their dislike towards me. Just find it confusing. It is as if other people are allowed to say or do something as they wish but if I do it then that is a big no-no.

It even goes for sharing ideas. Someone may say my idea of something was stupid but then someone else will have the exact same idea or another one very similar, and everyone loves their idea. I feel like it is a sort of alienation, trying to get me out of the loop or send a vibe that what I have to say or do is not welcomed. Don't know if it is because of the way I look or my hearing impairment of if somehow I come off as awkward without realizing it. Anyone else have this problem? Any way to get around it or fix it?

Yes, I think I have some experience of this. And I know my wife used to experience it a lot as a woman executive. I recall her saying numerous times that she would say something in a meeting & it would be ignored. But, then, if one of the men, or even one of the other women who were more "popular", brought up the same idea, suddenly it was GREAT!

I guess I don't really know anything about the dynamics of this. I have sometimes thought perhaps there's an underlying popularity factor at work. It may not even be evident to the people who are being influenced by it. But if someone they like says something, or does something, the fact that that person is popular gives added weight to what they say or do. If someone is not popular... not in with the "in crowd", so to speak, then what they've said or done has less value. At least that is my theory...

The way to stop this from happening is to say nothing to no one. Don't speak your ideas out loud or share them with anyone. I shared thoughts with a T and he has broadcast them all over town. He has taken ideas of mine as his own. Wish I could take it back.

Self esteem studies and/or practices help me.

I disagree completely. ^

Are you in college? I think with age, you will grow more confident and assured.

Say nothing to no one? How does it even help anyone?

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Rdgrad are there counselors at your college that you can go see and work on becoming more assertive?

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Well I worry that may be too far, as mentioned by other posters here. I don't want people getting mad at me for something I said but then appreciate someone else for saying the exact same thing too, but at the same time, don't want to cut people off totally. Same for doing stuff as well.

I actually recently graduated but those were just some examples of people doing that. People getting mad at me for saying something but then laughing at someone else for saying the exact same thing. Same for doing stuff. People looking at me weird for me doing something but then it is okay for others to do whatever it was I had done, even though I already saw people doing whatever it was.

Not anymore, I recently graduated. But of course, it still happens. Unfortunately most things don't stop happening after graduating from college.

Is there any chance that you are missing subtle differences that may affect how you come across as unacceptable and others come across as fine? Timing, tone, facial expression, etc can have an impact on how something is received.

For example - a TA I had in university thought she was being funny when she told our group that we had no excuses for being late... Even if our cat died. Guess who had put their cat down the previous weekend? That would be me. Due to circumstance I did not find it funny in the slightest and it impacted my entire perception of her.

I'm not saying that you are missing those subtle differences. I wouldn't know as I've not been there! That said, maybe there are some subtle differences that you haven't been noticing.

That's the only thing I can think of to even suggest looking at. I'm sorry that you've had to experience so much of this treatment!

Everyone has an opinion; it doesnt mean that yours is wrong. Don't stop talking.

I know and I agree. Everyone does have an opinion, just don't know why it happens. And not just saying things, but doing things as well.

I know what you mean. I'm sorry you had that experience, I would have had a more negative opinion of the TA had I been in your situation as well. It is possible I am missing some subtle things. I know I am pretty good with knowing when to say or do stuff and when not to but mistakes do happen and it is possible that I have missed out on some things. In the examples I gave though, I'm not sure if I actually missed out on something if it was more of a popularity thing. I get what you mean though. It just happens a bit too often for it to be all accidental. In some situations, I feel like it is a popularity thing.

I totally agree, that is exactly what I experience. I think I am considered not as popular by others so if I say something or do something, it is looked down upon, but if someone else does or says the same thing, it is considered a brilliant idea. Like the examples I gave, if I had something to say or a joke to make, usually someone, or even the whole group, would tell me to never say whatever I said again. But then someone else would say it and it would be hilarious or just something awesome.

Same for helping people, when other Orientation Leaders were using an unused cart that was just sitting in a hall, it was considered a brilliant idea and the person using it even got praised by the idea. So of course since I actually agreed, the next time I saw it just sitting there unused, I took it in order to help someone move big heavy stuff in. While I was walking with it, the other OL's looked at me weird and a couple of them even asked why I was using that and found it weird. So I agree, there is something about being popular that makes something someone said or did awesome towards one person, while extremely stupid towards another.

The same thing happens to me They don't like "the way I say it" I personally am extremely anti-social so it's not really an issue since I spend most of my time in my room, on the internet and don't want to talk anyway.

But they shouldn't be telling you not to say something. You have freedom of speech. Kindly remind them of that next time. The small differences between you and others should not be that big of a deal. If they can't respect you, they aren't worth it.

I agree and yep I will. I'll kindly remind them that if they are allowed to say or do something, and it is obviously okay to do it, then I am allowed to as well. I shouldn't be treated as different like that. No one should be treated that way. And yeah, I know exactly how you feel.