My wife hates me

I got married late in life and I had my daughter at the ripe age of 44. My wife is an European immigrant and by marrying she could stay in the US. Now we both have different recollection of our courtship and decision making process when we finally got married. I do remember telling her that we may not be compatible but I did not tell her to go home. I left the decision to her. She now remembers none of that and says "I felt sorry for you, because you were so alone." She insinuates that I was begging her to stay. This was 18 years ago. I was diagnosed only a few years ago. We have not had sex for 15 years! I know she has the right to resent certain things(no sex, I am not a home maker/repair guy and I am not rich) - she makes more money!
...but I am not responsible for anybody's happiness. If she is not happy she could have found another sex partner. I never wanted kids (subconsciously, I'd guess I knew the danger of my daughter inheriting my emotional baggage. Recently she also mentions that my daughter's personality all the bad things are from me. This whole affair is very hurtful and makes me sad. Am I making a mountain of a molehill? I suspect that when Dora turns 21 or gets married my wife could divorce me (she is 10 years younger) - I am afraid to be alone. I have no relatives, or even friends...

Hello TimTheEnchanter: Well... the Skeezyks has been married for... oh... over 35 years! (My wife's accomplishment... not mine.) The only thing I can say here is that, from my perspective, marital relationships change over time. Ours has. Sometimes couples manage to stay together for one reason or another. In other cases, they don't.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though your relationship with your spouse is becoming strained. No, I don't think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. It does sound as though your wife is feeling pretty negative about her relationship with you. And perhaps the possibility of divorce is in the back of her mind. I can certainly see how this would be disturbing to you, especially since you have no friends or relatives. I presume you're a bit older too.

I'm afraid the only suggestion I would have would be for you to consider taking a proactive approach here. Ask your wife, "point blank" what her intentions are. See if she would be willing to consider marriage counseling. Consider seeing a therapist yourself if you feel you need someone to talk this all through with. From my perspective, you might as well get out in front of this situation & figure out where it's going & what that means for you. Otherwise, should your wife in fact decide to call it quits at some point, you may simply be left scratching your head & wondering what in the world to do. I wish you well...

Thanks for taking time to write...
I've asked her if she wanted to see a marriage counselor and she said "we need a sex therapist" I told her that if we are not compatible then there is not much one can do (I do not believe in sex therapy)...ultimately we shall see a couple therapist - sooner or later.

Is you wife serious in requesting sex therapy, and what makes you not believe in it?

I am a submissive and she is a submissive - so we are not on the same wavelength, and apparently that is important.

I think two subs can still have a successful sex life. your sex issue is a symptom of an issue that runs so much deeper than that. Are you remotely physically attracted to her?

Well there is physical attraction and there is the mental - one can overcome the physical if the person "clicks" mentally(if she had inclination to be a dom, do you see? We are just not there. When you are you know it instantly. I felt sorry for her and liked her a lot. Now, after 18 years she has changed in personality and looks too I am sad to say. I still love her, but I am 60...I cannot be her sex partner.

I think that you are saying that you need her to be at least somewhat dom in order to be attracted to her.

Yes, it is all a "chemistry" thing...