[C2015]

My boyfriend still talks to his ex. She is his baby Mama they have two kids & one on the way. He had impulsive sex with her this spring. We met beginning of August. We went on a two week trip together. His baby Mama called at least 3 times and talked a long time. She knew I was with him. The first time they talked he said he's looking forward to seeing her and the kids. That burned me up instantly. I would have been fine if he just said he was looking forward to seeing his kids. Then the next day he asked if she could live on his property with us!?! I said no way over my dead body will she live on our property. He talks none stop about her. He did admit he still loves her and doesn't love me but I'm important to him. Today he went on and on about her. I finally told him to stop it that I am sick of hearing about her and he doesn't realize how much he talks about her. I told him I see her as a threat and he even said it wasn't out of the question him saying no if she asked him to come back and he can see their kids. He never once said he would never leave me for her. I will admit he is good to me but I am highly uncomfortable with the friendship he has with his baby Mama. I told him they should only talk about their kids and nothing else. He tells me all about her problems. She even asked him to marry her when she found out he's with me. He did say I could come with him if she lets him see his kids. I flat out told him what I thought about her and I don't trust her. I know how divorced parents friendships are. My parents have been divorced since I was a baby. He buys her out of the financial mess she gets herself into. He's given her nearly a $1,000 in the past two weeks. Today he stopped talking about her when I told him I'm sick of hearing about her.

What should I do? I feel threatened by her and he even admitted I should be. Please give me advice on what I should do about this.

[poison_oak]

Maybe take a break. Dating someone with kids is not for everyone. Sounds cliche but its true. The fact that they have kids together, he will have to talk to her for 18+ years. so shes not going anywhere. Seems like he's still into her and that's not fair to you. Express that if he wishes to keep seeing you he needs to respect your feelings because they are valid (within reason). Wish you the best of luck.

[C2015]

Please no mean comments.

[Michelea]

Well, he is being honest with you...saying that he still loves her, not you, and that you should feel threatened by her. That, along with him wanting her to live on your property, and talking about her nonstop are big red flags.

You may be very important to him, but by his own words and actions, he is telling you up front that your relationship with him is probably not permanent.

Agree that you should take a break and move out. How he responds to that will tell you a lot.

[C2015]

Thankfully we don't live together.

[C2015]

What should I do now? He has days off this weekend and we got back from our trip today. I had thought he would want to spend the weekend together but he doesn't. He's like we spent all week together. I know he won't be with his ex she lives on the other side of the country. Should I break up with him?

[Michelea]

Ah ,sorry, that is how I read things when you were talking about her moving onto his/our property.

Still think you should take a break. To be honest, I wonder if his words and actions are his way of nudging you into breaking up with him.

[nicoleflynn]

He will always be in touch with her because she is the mother of his child...you will have to decide on what to do.

He said he does not love you......how do you feel about that? If you want to have a relationship with him, she will be a part of it; they have a child together. I hear a lot of immaturity here....how old is he?

In other words, he wants to keep you around and you have to decide if you can have that kind of relationship.

[C2015]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

He will always be in touch with her because she is the mother of his child...you will have to decide on what to do.

He said he does not love you......how do you feel about that? If you want to have a relationship with him, she will be a part of it; they have a child together. I hear a lot of immaturity here....how old is he?

In other words, he wants to keep you around and you have to decide if you can have that kind of relationship.

He is older than me. I understand she is apart of his life but they only need to discuss their children and nothing else. She broke up with him so she needs to respect his relationship with me.

[healingme4me]

I'm in agreement with you, the conversation does need to focus on the kids, even when he's telling you things.

I have a baby daddy of an ex husband and if in conversation to friends, currently I know about his employment, his cat and job offers. I do know a bit about his last roommate and some about a coworkers husband who is his friend. But, to drone on about him seems senseless.

His work affects the child support. Friendly but not gushing

[divine1966]

He tells you that he loves another woman and doesn't love you yet you still want to be with him. Does it not upset you? You deserve a guy who loves you, not other women. You would benefit from working on your self esteem so you don't go for unavailable guys. You are young and can meet nice single guys in the future.

I also recommend to take things slow. Last guy you only dated for few weeks and already wanted him to propose. It's better to date a bit longer before having sex and going on long vacations or thinking commitment. This guy is full of red flags and IMHO you can do much better than him

[Trippin2.0]

Why are you even still with him?


I can kind of understand dating someone who is hung up on an ex, or not truly over an ex.... But someone who clearly states they don't love you and still loves their ex?


Hell no!!!!


What's in it for you besides torture?

[IceCreamKid]

Who actually owns the property you described as "our property"?

If you own property with this man, it's time to think about selling it or him buying you out or you buying him out--and for you to move on. You are with a jerk. Since he loves his baby mama, the best thing for him, her and those poor children would be for their parents to get married and be a real family.

You can then find a nice single man to date.

[divine1966]

They can't possibly own property together if they only met in August, which is barely a month ago and were gone away on vacation two weeks of that month. It's not possible to purchase property that fast.

[C2015]

He does voluntarily offer me the chance to look at their texts.

[BipolarMama31]

I think he has told you loud and clear how he feels.
What is the good in your relationship?

My husband has an ex, and a child, but they only communicate about their son. And they have a child therapist to go to when concerns come up and need a mediator.

He has made it clear to me from the beginning, he didnt love her anymore. But he loves his son. I stood with him during custody battles etc. But it was about him and his son. Not his ex.

I think you should reflect on the words he has said to you and his actions.

How long have they been apart? Are you the first relationship post breakup?

[eskielover]

He had impulsive sex with his ex wife & she got pregnant & she left him which meant that he wasnt wanting the breakup in the first place.

To take a 2 week vacation with someone after just meeting seems rather impulsive. There are better ways of getting to know someone you first meet that take a long vacation together.

He's told you he is still involved emotionally with her wether hes nice to you or not. Sex doesnt define an emotional connection especially when he is impulsive anyway

You havent known him that long, he doesnt want to be with you this weekend....huge sign that there is & probably will NEVER be a real connection with him other that what ypu want to create in your own mind.

I would just tell him whrn he calls that since just meeting & spending time with him that any future with him is not the kind of future you want with someone & feel it best to just end contact rather than waste your time.

That would be my analysis & take on the situation

[divine1966]

Well I am rather friendly with my ex husband as well as with his wife. Heck my ex husband and his wife sent me and my husband generous wedding gift when we got married. Saying that most certainly we don't love each other. We love our spouses.

I see no issue with this man giving his ex 1k. They have kids together and she is pregnant with his child. I don't see how him sending money is wrong. I also see no issue with this man talking to his ex. They have 3 kids.

I see an issue with him openly stating he doesn't love a woman he sleeps with , but loves his ex ( that's frankly a very offensive and rude statement to make to a woman he has sex with, and I wonder if it's deliberately intended to offend )

[LeeeLeee]

This sounds so painful and unfair to you but this is who he is. He is showing you everything. BELIEVE it.

He says hurtful things and behaves with such cruelty toward you and yet you say he treats you well.

This is a man who chooses to live across the country away from his own children who need him.

Take care of yourself and love yourself enough to walk away from this person.

https://www.youtube.com/user/SelfLoveU/videos

The most important thing I've recently learned on this forum comes from a wonderful person who encouraged me that we can't keep ourselves in a state of being devalued on a regular basis and expect to be treasured. She actually said, "Take yourself off the discount rack and place yourself with the fine goods." It's the simplest thing but it resonated with me.

Please look within and ask yourself the tough questions. The guy is only showing you who he really is. What draws you to him?

Hugs,
Lele

[divine1966]

This is a second man in less than a year who doesn't treat you right yet you create a fantasy in your mind and with whom you rush into things to fulfill that unrealistic fantasy. If you aren't in therapy it might be helpful to start so you can get to the bottom of it and stop this. I had same issue and found therapy helpful