Why do I try to control him?

I am in a great relationship with my boyfriend but have been attempting to control him for a while now. I have a lot of anxiety issues but I wonder if deep down I'm just evil and selfish.
I developed this obsession about his drinking (he drinks mass quantities of alcohol but never really acts drunk or fazed by it, it's just the amount of alcohol I'm concerned with) and i get mad whenever he has more than 6 drinks in one night. I will give the silent treatment if we're out somewhere and then when we get home I might either continue to be silent and sleep in the other room or ream him out and call it disgusting, wrong, and yell at him that he needs to change. I've threatened to leave several times because of it and can be very manipulative to get him to drink less. I also reinforce his behavior when he drinks less by giving him back rubs and making him dinner and being extra sweet to him and I feel like a crazy person because his drinking isn't bad. All of his friends do it. I'm from Wisconsin where 9 out of 10 people are drinkers and a good portion of them are heavy drinkers and it's definitely the norm to drink like him.
I also am extremely introverted and hate being with his friends. Especially when he's drinking. But I can only tolerate being out for a couple hours and then I feel a strong desire to go home...a feeling he does not relate to. But I have said I was sick to get him to leave earlier. And I secretly wish some of his friendships would dissappate so I wouldn't have to partake in them. Like I said there is something seriously wrong with me. I try to get him to hang out just me and him and I feel like I'm a person who cuts him off from friends and fun.
I also strongly oppose finishing off the basement bar room...since having a bar in the house is very frightening to me and I also have opposed building a patio since that means more parties at our house.
I get sad when he stags out late and get agitated when he's out and I know he's drinking. I tell him he needs to be home before a certain time or I can't sleep..which is the truth. I basically dictate a lot of things he does and wtf is wrong with me?
Note: I am extremely perfectionist and also control myself in a way to a great extent.
I really feel like I have an underlying personality disorder with all these messed up things I do. And these control issues are only part of my problem but I'm just wondering what I should do.

Hello defyinggravity65: Well, from what you wrote, it sounds to me as though there is simply a mismatch between you & your boyfriend. I'm not so sure this is your problem. It's not necessarily his problem either, although I will suggest that drinking as much as he does is not healthy no matter how many people in Wisconsin do it.

The problem here, from my perspective, is simply that you & your bf are two very different people. And, from what you wrote, neither of you seem able to change or modify your approach to life in order to accommodate the other. My wife & I have been married a long time. And over the years, in many ways, we've become different persons than we used to be. So in order to stay together, each of us has had to figure out ways to accommodate the other. In some cases, it has meant that one of us has lost something significant in our lives. But that's simply what it takes to remain a couple.

So, again from my perspective, what you & your boyfriend are going to have to figure out is whether it is more important to each of you to live the way you want to live or whether your relationship is of great enough importance that you're BOTH willing to compromise. (Note I said both... not just you...) I don't believe you are either evil or selfish. Yes, perhaps there are more effective techniques you can learn as far as how to react to your bf's drinking & partying. Therapy may be of some benefit in this regard. However, learning more effective communication skills isn't going to change the fact that you & your bf have very different approaches to living life day-in & day-out. I wish you both well...

His drinking so much would be a huge problem for me and I don't have any kind of personality problem unless " I have no desire to be with an alcoholic " is now magically becomes a diagnosis.

Unless HE wants to stop drinking it highly unlikely he will change.

You can't force anyone to change .

It doesn't sound like a great relationship. I am quite certain he has some good qualities, otherwise you wouldn't want to continue the relationship.

I was also in a relationship with a man who drank heavily. It did not end well.

Unless he is motivated to change drinking or anything, really, he isn't going to change. You can't fix him. I am sorry I cannot be more positive about the future of your relationship with him but my experience says to leave now and don't waste more of your life in a bad relationship.

You can't change any one, The only person you can change is yourself, I use to try to control things that I could not control but I can't, Have you ever heard of the Serenity Prayer it is a meaningful pray for all types of addictions, Have you ever read the book Codependent No More, It is a very good book and I own it myself, You should it for yourself also there are Alanon meetings that you could go to so you can understand a addict and it makes you focus on you

Listen to Christina. HE has to choose. Will it be you or the booze? Can't be both. You can't decide for him.