[seeker1950]

I hesitate to post about this, since it rehashes my recent history, but when I came here to PC three years ago, I was devastated. I had attempted a romantic relationship that ended in my being deeply hurt. First of all, I wanted the hurt to go away immediately...wishing there was some sort of magic pill that would make it disappear. Of course, there is no such remedy, and I set out on putting one foot in front of the other, trying to maintain a reasonably healthy life.

I just want to share here with all of you who may be hurt and/or devastated like I was, that there IS light at the end of the tunnel! There is no "quick fix" for it, but there are things one can do. I decided to immerse myself in pursuing my MA degree, something I had postponed too long. Education is a great validator and self-esteem builder. Also, due to the excellent feedback I received from members here on PC, my recovery was helped greatly!

As I look back on the past three years, I'm amazed at the process of healing. Please, those of you who may be hurt, don't go out and try to find a "Mr. Right" replacement while you are in the throes of hurt and recovery. It will only add ot your chaos.

Because of my age, 56, I doubt I will venture into another relationship...Maybe that's due to the repurcussions of having failed so miserably, or from the implications for disappointment in future endeavors. At present, though, it is just so good to be feeling well.

Patty

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Patty --

I empathize. I was deeply injured in 2003; it was 2005 before I stopped walking around shell-shocked, feeling detached from reality and as if I was inhabiting a nightmare.

I am a few years older than you, and I, too, doubt that another relationship is possible. I find that troubling. However, when I attempt to fantasize what I would want in a new lover, I find it impossible to imagine that future.

I agree that eduation is a great self-esteem builder. So is volunteerism, arts and crafts, athletics, and anything that allows us to get out and focus on some aspect of self-development other than building a relationship with another person.

In my younger years, yes, I sought out new lovers as a quick fix. But I'm just not that attractive anymore and the drugs-sex-rock-n-roll lifestyle of the 1970s doesn't fit the aging, sober, woman I have become. As well, the growth of STDs, identity theft, and violence in our society would make me, at my age, a target for the worst kind of gigolo should I seek to console myself with casual sex.

I am not telling younger women that caual sex is going to take away the pain, but I do see a difference in life station. In my 30s, after a broken heart, I needed and wanted to get back on the Yellow Brick Road to find my mate. In my late 50s, the Yellow Brick Road is in shambles and the only prospects are Tin Men with False Hearts, Scarecrows with wizened bodies, and Weasly Lions mourning their glory days.

I don't recommend jumping from one relationship to another for male or female. I do think that intimate relationships play a more important role in our lives in our younger pre-menopausal years, and the younger folks are more likely to get back into the dating game faster.

I am so glad to learn that you are healing, and I think you have wise advice for anyone seeking an overnight cure.

[seeker1950]

Wants! What a great writer you are...the analogy to the Yellow Brick Road...so excellent.
Thanks for the response!
Patty