Anger Materializes

No more ODing, no more SH. I'm out.

Had to move his precious record collection because he left it on the sofa and didn't move it.

I probably broke a good many of them. Slammed them against the wall, kicked them. He cared about them more than he did me. They aren't even valuable records!

So much anger.

Hoping by destroying his stuff he'll want to end it, too.

He'll surely use it against me, say I have BPD. It was a bit Glenn Close, I must say. And it felt so GOOD.

I'll admit I did it. I'm not proud, but I'm not sorry. How can it compare to the pain I am in physically, mentally, spiritually- I am completely broken.

Pure hatred.

Now it's time to curtsy and exit this marriage.

Not sure if I should go with him to the marriage counselor tonight for our emergency appointment.

Did I do a stupid thing that they can use against me?

If I believed in God, I would be praying for you right now.
I have no idea if you are making a mistake or not because I can't really know the dynamics of your marriage or if you have mental health issues.
I only know that divorce is not easy emotionally. In most states, if your children are grown, the other issues are not as complicated. In my state, you would get 50 percent of his and your net worth. There is nothing that can be used against you that would change this. Now when there are kids under 18, stuff can be used against you in regards to custody.
I can only speak for myself in regards to my personal mental health issues. I think that my anxiety and depression (possibly bipolar type issues) made me read all sorts of "ill intent" into my spouse's actions that were not there. Not that he is perfect but who is. I have come to realize that he is committed to our marriage for "good" reasons. When I realized this, I became more appreciative of the sacrifices that he made.
Life is short. If you had one year left to live (sorry to be such a downer all the time), would you still want the divorce?
I wouldn't worry about the financial stuff; it is only that I want you to make the decisions for the right reason--not because you have a mental illness that is sabotaging your life. Myst

Yes, I can relate... My wife has 30 years of crap piled up around the house and keeps bringing in more! Whenever I try to talk about it she says something like "Oh, not this again"! The other day I told her that one day she was going to have to choose between me and her s_it, she told me "I'm sorry that's how you feel about our relationship"!

I've been known to throw things, but I try to go away from people and only throw stuff I (probably) can't destroy... It DOES feel good!

If your partner can't put you first, it's just a matter of time... But you have to do the same. It's hard to do when there are so many bad feelings, but that's the only way a marriage works.

oh Tish...

You posts break my heart...I hear so much frustration.

I am sorry.

Sorry about all the stupid advice. You strike me as someone who already knows that stuff. Just sorry he makes you so angry!

It wasn't stupid at all, and thank you for it.

I thought I'd replace whichever records I broke on ebay if I can and not tell him what I did. So now, the stupid records I have resented taking up space and never being used, I have to spend money on to replace.

In all the time I know him, he never listened to the records. Some of them were mine, too. I've been begging him to get rid of them because they are just clutter. My sister sells collectible media. I begged him to give them to her. He wouldn't hear of it.

So yeah, I took my anger toward him about our relationship out on the records.

But, I decided to not let on about my 'explosion' and cause a scene.

We went to the t appt.

I asked my h to talk first and explain how we have more miscommunication and dysfunction this week.

For some reason, my h told the t about me on here. He said "she goes on this psych website and gives people really good advice" huh? Isn't that a weird thing to even say? Why did he go and rat me out to the t?

Then I had to explain myself. I told the t about how I came on to figure out what is going on with me and to see how other people with illness/disorders think and see if I am similar. Yes, I talk with others about their issues, but I posted over 2000 posts and let it all out all about myself and it felt good to do that.

The t said he did not like hearing that I am on here at all, and being a cognitive behavior t, he explained about why psychotherapy is not helpful, rather it is harmful.

He said nothing in my past matters, only changing right now.

I feel untrusting about how my h told the t about me on here. Why did he do that? I am suspicious about his motives.

But i told the t, "So what? So I posted my little heart out? It made me feel a little better."

If the t wants to come on here, figure out who I am, and read my posts, God bless. It's less time that I need to spend retelling him all these things myself. Besides, he doesn't want to hear it because he is only about changing behaviors now.

Why is it your t business that you go on online forums? "He doesn't like it". Wtf

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this stuff You deserve so much better..

My T has EXPLOSIVE ANGER ISSUES. Maybe your T is upset because he gets PAID to post on the website you use. HE MAY GET PAID TO USE OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS IN LIFE TO POST ABOUT THEM ON THE INTERNET.

I know of more than one psychopath in my life and believe me, knowing just one is more than enough. Think about how lnvolved this T is in your life and then consider giving him the boot. No T should be telling a client what to do and not do. They have ulterior SELFISH motives.

Your therapist has explosive anger? What does he do and say? What does he explode about? That's wild.

They get paid to post our issues on the internet? Where? Could I see it and read what he writes about me? Yikes!

He said I'm wasting my time and it didn't help me.

I will not see a therapist who tells me he doesn't like me being on online forums. It's not their business if I waste my time. If I told my t I am doing something criminal or dangerous is one thing but being on online forums isn't their business. What if a client watches tv instead or reads etc is that wasting time too? Even if it is, how is that their problem??? Do you pay this person? That's too crazy

That's so minor compared to how crazy everything else is in my life. If he helps me at all I'll put up with anything.

My emotions are changing by the minute now. Strange physical ailment happening to me now, too. Everything inflamed and spraining. Neck, back, hips, groin, elbows, hands, wrists, under my feet! My eating is out of whack, disordered. Really sick and broken.

I am so sorry 😥

I don't believe there is only one way to have a greater understanding of ourselves.

“Living in the present moment means living according to truth and principle (but not according to hard rigid dogma) flexibly applied in the particular way required by the immediate situation in which you are. Such a way of living leaves you free, not ruled tyrannically by imposed regulations which may not at all suit the particular case.”
― Paul Brunton