Reconnected with a friend who dumped me, don't think I'll do that again

About five years ago a very close friend suddenly stopped seeing me. She dropped me in a very hurtful way, consistently reaching out to make plans, and then not following through with them. I stopped allowing myself to be baited and we did not speak or see each other for years...

Until last night. Wow, that was weird. I had been feeling bad all these years about the way I got dumped, but last night I realized that I don't want to be friends with this person anymore. It was a strange experience.

What happened last night?

Ha, I left that part out, didn't I?

We met up for dinner and chatted for a few hours. A lot of the conversation seemed like one of those curated Facebook status updates, where someone is trying to make something sound better than it really is.

We were coworkers who were good friends out of work. I left the company. Our friendship ended. She is still at the company and was telling me last night how much better it is now, how they have the right people working there, really smart people. Does that mean I was a wrong person, not smart? It was insulting. It made me feel like she was telling me it was better without me. I did not ask her about the company, I didn't want to hear about it.

Later on in the conversation she said things that indicated the company still has many of the same problems it had when I was there. She wants to leave but feels trapped, as she did five years ago when we were friends. It was just weird. She is still in the same unhappy place she was then but she does not seem to have made any changes.

Did you ask why she dumped you?

Thanks! How did last night come about?

No, I didn't ask. I didn't tell her it bothered me or anything, just acted like we were picking up where we left off. Maybe I should have said something, but I guess I am not interested in rebuilding the friendship anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Re: why we got together again: A couple months ago I sent her a short FB message after a mutual friend mentioned seeing her. She responded by suggesting we get together, asking when I was free. After going back and forth a bit, I gave her my number and told her to call if she wanted to schedule something. She never did. That was the pattern when she dumped me - she would suggest we get together, get halfway through making plans, then flake out.

Last weekend she messaged me asking if we could get together this week and it actually happened.

It sounds like you are now free of that bad feeling. Yes? What does it feel like to be free?

I don't feel free yet. Now instead of feeling bad that the friendship ended, I'm disgusted with myself for wasting mental energy over it for all these years. Hopefully I will be able to let that go as well and put this completely behind me!