[fredhal]

Recently, my girlfriend and I parted ways after a 4+ year relationship. Initially I was fine because I was still in school and finals had me busy but after being home for a week or two, I have gotten more and more depressed thinking about the relationship.

Originally we agreed to still talk and be friends, and that worked for awhile until she got home and started becoming more distant. It's gotten to the point where this is becoming a problem, I am over effected by her and I need to get over her as soon as possible. A lot of my friends suggested taking me to places like bars or even strip clubs but I am not so sure about it.

How can I regain my confidence to attract other girls and get rid of the troubling thoughts from my ex once and for all?

[Skeezyks]

Hello fredhal: Well... I don't know about bars & strip clubs. But getting out & doing things is certainly a good thing to do. Sitting at home ruminating about the past will not be helpful. Writing about your feelings, perhaps in a journal, or such as here on PC, may also help. You could also write your ex a long farewell letter which you then tear up as a sign to yourself that you are releasing yourself of your connection to her.

To some extent, this is probably just a matter of allowing time to pass &, in the meantime, getting out there & starting to meet new people (including girls.) From my perspective, what's important here is get out there & make things happen. The thing you don't want to do is to get into the mindset that first you have to, in some way, regain your confidence & then you'll get back out there. That's unlikely to happen, in my opinion. Regaining your confidence will only occur as a result of getting out there.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[fredhal]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello fredhal: Well... I don't know about bars & strip clubs. But getting out & doing things is certainly a good thing to do. Sitting at home ruminating about the past will not be helpful. Writing about your feelings, perhaps in a journal, or such as here on PC, may also help. You could also write your ex a long farewell letter which you then tear up as a sign to yourself that you are releasing yourself of your connection to her.

To some extent, this is probably just a matter of allowing time to pass &, in the meantime, getting out there & starting to meet new people (including girls.) From my perspective, what's important here is get out there & make things happen. The thing you don't want to do is to get into the mindset that first you have to, in some way, regain your confidence & then you'll get back out there. That's unlikely to happen, in my opinion. Regaining your confidence will only occur as a result of getting out there.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Thank you for your kind words, it is very helpful. I will try to follow your advice and give it some time. It's hard to see how things can turn out right for me but seeing how others were able to do it gives me some hope. I will also try to write my thoughts down, even here in this community. Maybe it will help me to help to overcome this phase of life.

[xRavenx]

Sorry you're struggling. I definitely believe time heals, and your feelings are natural. It's so hard with breakups because we've all been there where we want to just be completely over that person, but it's a process that can only happen with time. That being said, besides giving yourself time, there are definitely things that you can do to help with the healing process.

For instance, think of hobbies or interests you can do that help you relax and clear your mind. It's good to have interests you can do with people, but also things you can do by yourself as well so that you can cope with being alone at times, without feeling the loneliness that often follows a breakup. Remember to watch out for unhealthy ways of coping so that you do not fall into those patterns.

Your lack of confidence is definitely something that will improve with time, as long as you accept it being a process that does not happen overnight. You broke up for a reason, so always keep that in mind, and remind yourself of why the relationship wasn't working so you can stay optimistic. There are people out there you'll be more compatible with. Stay busy, safe, have fun, do things that are relaxing, talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Focus on yourself during this time, and everything will fall into place. Best wishes.