Here we go again with H not going to work so he can look for another job!

The more I think about it, WHY, if he said he was going in today, call the shop in the first place?? I mean he doesn't have his phone anyways and I just checked our phone records again to be sure. He never calls, just texts, and he wouldn't have texted the parts manager if the last time he was there he was still working in service. Why would the parts guy have called him at all if he wasn't officially working for him yet anyways? Then to supposedly tell him not to come in at all today because he's firing the other employee doesn't make any sense! Why wouldn't he be there regardless of the guy getting fired? It's the same improbable story he told me a few weeks ago when he told me he went in after a week of not working to talk to his manager but his manager was busy so he told him to come back tomorrow.

If he did indeed make this whole thing up, why would he go to such lengths to contrive that story? Why not just tell me like he tells me every other time he stays home that his back hurts or he's all congested because this time he is actually sick? Yet he goes into this full on thing about how now he's working in parts and the guy told him to stay home while he fires this other guy? How does he know he may not go in tomorrow and be fired himself??

The further you fill in the blanks of you're life with him I just can not understand what you actually like about him, I mean really... You snoop on his phone. Email, Facebook etc

You complain about him but you are unable of divorce and starting over , you have no children to consider thank goodness.

Why not just accept him the way he is ? Stop being so resentful stop the anger, you all ready pay for everything.

Maybe just back off and stop snooping and trying to over analyze everything he does or says.

Is this an arraigned marriage ? Maybe that's the " unable to divorce " bit.

I take it you mean 'arranged' and not 'arraigned'. No it is not an arranged marriage. As I've said, I'm just staying with the status quo. And why not snoop to try to get to the truth? I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore.

If I had the need to snoop on my husband then there would be no trust and without trust there is no love ....

I have to agree with Christina, there's no trust in the relationship and that's a sign of a troubled relationship. If I was in your husbands shoes I'd be doing the same thing just because I know you're snooping, just on principle alone. No one likes to be treated like a child or a cheating husband for no good reason. Put all the effort and time you're putting into pondering his motives and snooping on him into the relationship and maybe it might help the relationship a little.

He has no idea I'm snooping because I have never let on that I know he's lying to me. I just go "Oh that's nice of them to tell you to just go home and come in tomorrow even though you haven't been to work for a week" or "That's nice that you went to work today" even though I know he just left the house and had breakfast somewhere only to come home after I left for work acting like he was at work all day. If he doesn't know I'm snooping, then why bother lying??

Have you thought of starting an online journal?

I guess it just seems a bit odd to be writing all this in a space designed for feedback when you don't want any responses, and you don't want to change.

I think that any sort of response just feeds into the hype and doesn't solve anything at this point.

I'm all for a good vent, but if you don't ever decide to change anything, it's pointless and time wasting to vent because the venting makes you feel good for a few hours until the next incident, and then you must vent again in order to feel good. It will go on like this forever until you decide to do something different and change your behavior.

Last time I suggested somebody writes a blog, I got reprimanded (not by administration mind you but by fellow members, and I only meant journaling as a strategy).

Well I'll be damned! He DID talk to the head of the parts dept on Facebook! First he talked with his coworker who he's always talking with and told him he's been out with pneumonia. Well I doubt it's pneumonia, but of course he went there. This guy then caught H up with what has been going on and told him that other guy was fired and that the parts manager wants to bring him on. Then H sent a message to the parts guy and the guy said he's ready to bring him on. H tells him that he's excited to start but he's got a doctor's appt tomorrow and he'll be in after that. Nope, no doctor's appt but he'll probably just take his own sweet time and waltz in around noon. Or MAYBE he'll get hung up at the doctor's office and won't be able to make it in until Thursday! My mind is officially blown...again! This guy pulls the same **** H does yet that guy gets fired and H gets a new position! And nowhere in those messages was there anything about H just chilling at home yesterday while the guy went ahead and fired the other guy.

How does he get away with the nonstop lies and the not calling in for an entire week at a time and the attitude towards customers and coworkers, but then another guy who isn't there just as much as H is gets fired and then H gets to move into a new position because the parts guy really wants to bring him on? WHY would you be excited to bring on someone like that? Someone that you see with your own eyes isn't there for a week at a time due to fake illnesses!

I guarantee you H will come home saying how awesome this new position is and much more laid back and he'll be happy with his job for a month until it starts getting boring or he gets a mad customer and then he'll take another week off due to another fake illness.

Mapper it must be very hard to live with this.

I couldn't live with this and say nothing.

Maybe for the same reason you let him get away with it?

You are asking us, but we don't understand why you picked him, and stay with him, if this frustrates you so much.

As long as you pay his bills, he will continue his life style. He gets away with lies at work but he also gets away with lies at home. He lies and you pretend you are ok with it. At least at work they don't lose money on him, you do though. So maybe rather than asking why they put up with him, ask yourself why do you put up with lies? His managers life isn't effected by what your husband does, but yours is.

It has been 2 weeks to the day that H has been home from work and I hope to god he is going back today! I mean not working for 2 weeks because of a cold??? Who is out of work for 2 weeks with a cold?? For that matter, who is out for 1 week with a cold?? I'm sorry, but that is WAY over the top. You go to the doctor and get something to help you get better or simply suck on cough drops all day. He went back in last Tuesday and coughed so hard that he threw up so they sent him home and told him not to come back until he's over his coughing. He had actually lied to his boss that day saying he'd be in after his "doctor's appt" that morning so took his own sweet time getting to work and didn't get there until 1PM when he should have been there by 10AM. Actually texted his boss saying "My appt was at 10 but it's now 11 and I'm still waiting to be seen". No you aren't. You are sitting at home playing your video game. Then he turns around and comes home within an hour of getting to work anyways knowing he wouldn't be back the rest of the week even if he did feel better.

He tells me on Thursday that he really needs to go see a doctor. Never leaves the house. Tells me Friday he needs to go see the doctor. I stay home that day as well because I'm coughing a bit but mostly because I want to make sure he goes to the doctor. When I go out that morning to get groceries I say to him "Are you getting yourself to the doctor today?" and I get a very terse "I'm working on it okay!". No you're not. You are sitting on the couch in your robe. I come home an hour later and he's sleeping on the couch. After 15 minutes he goes and sleeps on the bed until almost 4PM. By that time he isn't going to go to the clinic because it's too late even though they are open until 7PM. Doesn't go on Saturday and seems fine. Then on Sunday night he once again says to me "I really need to go see a doctor". I say to him "Well you should have gone on Thursday or Friday when you said you were going to go!" and he goes "Yes I know". So I think that maybe on Monday he'll go. Nope. He did leave the house to get his hair cut, go to McDonalds and buy $60 worth of pot at the pot shop though, but couldn't go to the walk-in clinic!

Why/ How does he have 60.00 to spend on pot ? If he's not working and You are paying the bills?

I just can't understand this set up.

Why do you not have a seperate bank account that you're pay goes into that keeps the home afloat ?

We DO have separate bank accounts! His last check ended up being about $800 (half of what it would have been). He took that money and paid his own bills and was left with about $300. He thinks he's riding high on the hog when he still has that much left until his next check. No problem finding $60 for pot then. But he can't find $100 to pay the utility bill.

I found this for you:

http://psychcentral.net/signup/

It's how to set up a blog here.

If I knew you'd pick up the slack and pay all the bill, to hell with responsibilities! I'm just going to spend my money on me because screw everything else since she's just going to pay it anyways. Again, your enabling him.

Just to clarify, I was out sick from work all last week. It does happen.

Ahhh okay, that's really ridiculous.

I guess there is no way for you to fix your totally dysfunctional marriage.

I'm sorry. Maybe let the power go out and see what he does when he can't play his video games. Drastic but what the hay, you have nothing to lose.

He does not really need to work. He has s roof above his head, warm house, utilities, tv,cable, internet, video games. He even has booze and pot. Why does he need to work? He doesn't really need to work much. Maybe just a bit for personal bills

I did just ask him for $100 to pay our utility bill this month which he did send me money for.

He's home yet again today! He's FINE to go to work. He has a slight cough now. I send him a message this morning and asked if he was at work. He sends me a message back "No. I'm waiting to hear from my boss". I say "Why?" He tells me that he briefly talked to him on Facebook and he's getting back to him this morning. For some reason this guy was supposed to call him over the weekend to discuss his transition over to the other dept and I have no idea why all this needs to be done over the phone, especially when the guy wanted him to come in last Tuesday to work and then he got sent home with his cough. So now stuff has to be hashed out on the phone before he can step foot into work? Please!! I was able to hack his Facebook password and looked at the message to see if there even was one. Nope! The only message was one from H to the guy saying "I'm almost over this cold. I should be in either tomorrow or Thursday". Then the guy sent a message back "Perfect. I'll be ready for you to start then". Arrgh! Then H sends me the message "Just heard from the guy. He wants me to start on Thursday". No he wants you to come in now but you've got him so convinced you're coming back from the brink of death that he, and apparently everyone else there, would give you another month off if you told them any kind of story! So now he's off tomorrow as well. And who knows. Maybe Thursday he'll send yet another message saying he's got a doctor's appt and won't be able to make it in because it's in the middle of the day!

No advice from me this time,or anymore,since it seems to be pointless and a waste of time,especially since you have already made it clear you don't want advice.You have also made it clear you are not willing to do anything,to do anything for yourself,to make any changes.

I do have some comments though...

I think you thrive on all the chaos and drama,I think you enjoy all this detective work you are doing,spying and snooping,trying to find all the dirt and gossip on him.I think it keeps you going,I think you may even get off on it.I think you really enjoy coming here and sharing the latest dirt on him and trash talking him.

Why?

Because by focusing on him,what he does,all his faults,you never really have to take a look at yourself,your own faults,your unhappiness with yourself,your unhappiness with your life and your marriage.You use him as a distraction because you don't dare face yourself or your life.

You won't stop doing what you are doing because it keeps you from facing the truth and facing reality.You are too afraid to make much needed changes,to take responsibility for yourself so you turn it all on him,blame him for everything that goes wrong and for everything that is wrong.

You are too afraid to put down your microscope and pick up a mirror,you are too afraid of what you will see.

He only pays 100 towards household expenses abd even that you have to ask for? And you pay the rest? What a joke

You hacked into his Facebook account without his knowledge?

I totally second crisp apple. In fact I am even starting to feel sorry for your husband. I'm not surprised he is the way he is. Living in that environment must be utterly miserable. He is burying his misery in computer games and pot. And you...have you read your posts back to yourself. Do you realise how you sound?

You are sounding unwell, mentally I mean . Why do you want him to fail so bad. Why are you envious of him, 'getting away with stuff' at his work. What difference does it make to you, none. Except No one is validating your view of him.

Takes two to make this mess and honestly without you he probably wouldn't be as bad as he is now.

Sorry I have tried to offer a rational balanced perspective.
Now I am just calling it like I see it.