Here we go again with H not going to work so he can look for another job!

07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrispApple

No advice from me this time,or anymore,since it seems to be pointless and a waste of time,especially since you have already made it clear you don't want advice.You have also made it clear you are not willing to do anything,to do anything for yourself,to make any changes.

I do have some comments though...

I think you thrive on all the chaos and drama,I think you enjoy all this detective work you are doing,spying and snooping,trying to find all the dirt and gossip on him.I think it keeps you going,I think you may even get off on it.I think you really enjoy coming here and sharing the latest dirt on him and trash talking him.

Why?

Because by focusing on him,what he does,all his faults,you never really have to take a look at yourself,your own faults,your unhappiness with yourself,your unhappiness with your life and your marriage.You use him as a distraction because you don't dare face yourself or your life.

You won't stop doing what you are doing because it keeps you from facing the truth and facing reality.You are too afraid to make much needed changes,to take responsibility for yourself so you turn it all on him,blame him for everything that goes wrong and for everything that is wrong.

You are too afraid to put down your microscope and pick up a mirror,you are too afraid of what you will see.

I agree with this completely. I find it so horrible that she gets on here and trash talks him. If he only knew. What a completely miserable existence. She chooses it. I could never live that way. It's quite sad and pitiful.

Think about what kind of person is unhappily married, doesn't do anything about it, but comes on a mental health website bashing their mate. Blows my mind.

10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rose1985

I agree with this completely. I find it so horrible that she gets on here and trash talks him. If he only knew. What a completely miserable existence. She chooses it. I could never live that way. It's quite sad and pitiful.

Think about what kind of person is unhappily married, doesn't do anything about it, but comes on a mental health website bashing their mate. Blows my mind.

I agree with you rose.
No matter how much I hated someone, I wouldn't do this or talk this way about them. I couldn't...

So I guess this is it's own kind of mental health issue....

I do wish this forum had a "rant" section though as I know that a lot of people's issues get less traffic because of this one, loud, rant.

Jan 25, 2017, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I agree with you rose.
No matter how much I hated someone, I wouldn't do this or talk this way about them. I couldn't...

So I guess this it's own kind of mental health issue.

I do wish this forum had a "rant" section though as I know that a lot of people's issues get less traffic because of this one, loud, rant.

Thanks.

Yeah I would just feel horrible trashing the man I live with like this. It's crazy...

Jan 25, 2017, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mapper

1) Because I want to know the truth even if I don't confront him.

2) So I can find out the truth.

3) Keep it locked away in my brain and then vent on this site!

4) Yes it does make me feel better because it's my one outlet.

But why do you feel you must know the truth?What's the point?All you are doing is making yourself crazy by seeking/finding the truth.

Ignorance is bliss,so why not just stop snooping and spying and save yourself all this anger and hurt?

Since you refuse to do anything about your situation maybe you need to work on acceptance,work on accepting him for who and how he is?That's about all you can do,you can vent until the end of time but it won't change a damn thing,will it?

~Christina · Jan 25, 2017, 09:42 PM

14 pages ?!!!!? I think Mapper just wants to vent and doesn't want to change her situation, no amount of advice is helping it seems.

Mapper ..... I hope one day you will find the strength to improve your life.

Good wishes

Jan 25, 2017, 10:01 PM

She has already said she isn't going to do anything to change her situation.

We are all just enabling her just as much as she is enabling her husband.She is feeding off all our replies.

TishaBuv · Jan 26, 2017, 08:14 AM

In the old country in Europe, back in the shtyls (the Jewish ghetto), the women would all gather 'round a woman banging her tea pot. She would then rant about all her grief and problems. It was a support group. From that, there is a Yiddish expression that translate to 'stop annoying me with banging your tea pot'.

This is like that, and it's nothing new.

Mapper · Jan 26, 2017, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrispApple

She has already said she isn't going to do anything to change her situation.

We are all just enabling her just as much as she is enabling her husband.She is feeding off all our replies.

So stop replying and enabling then! Seriously. I put a disclaimer on my post that I'm just looking to vent, so it's your own fault if you keep responding when you KNOW I'm not going to do anything about my situation.

Mapper · Jan 26, 2017, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrispApple

But why do you feel you must know the truth?What's the point?All you are doing is making yourself crazy by seeking/finding the truth.

Ignorance is bliss,so why not just stop snooping and spying and save yourself all this anger and hurt?

Since you refuse to do anything about your situation maybe you need to work on acceptance,work on accepting him for who and how he is?That's about all you can do,you can vent until the end of time but it won't change a damn thing,will it?

Nope won't change a damn thing. Makes me feel better though

divine1966 · Jan 26, 2017, 11:58 AM

If he gave all his passwords, you wouldn't need to make several tries to hack his accounts. You'd just log in. In front of him. You contradict yourself.

Mapper · Jan 26, 2017, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

If he gave all his passwords, you wouldn't need to make several tries to hack his accounts. You'd just log in. In front of him. You contradict yourself.

Sorry, let me rephrase. I know his passwords to his email and his bank account because we use his email account to log into the Xbox and he told me the password when we logged into it a while ago. He told me his bank acct password because he wanted me to scan and deposit several of his checks into it. I had to hack his Facebook password, but that was easy because it was one of his other passwords. I still wouldn't log in in front of him because he'd be upset (obviously) that I was doing it.

Jan 26, 2017, 12:21 PM

Mapper, I can't quite get my head around the hacking/accessing accounts thing - to me that is a pretty serious violation of privacy.

Do you feel bad about it? Would you like to stop doing it?

seesaw · Jan 26, 2017, 12:35 PM

Mapper, you say you can't do therapy because he would know, but if you pay all the bills, then how would he know if you took an hour at lunch during the work week to see a therapist? You could ask them to send all correspondence to your work. Then at least you could work on the hugely disordered life you lead.

Jan 26, 2017, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mapper

So stop replying and enabling then! Seriously. I put a disclaimer on my post that I'm just looking to vent, so it's your own fault if you keep responding when you KNOW I'm not going to do anything about my situation.

Okay then,I won't respond at all anymore after this post.

You have proven to me(and probably many others) that you get off on what you are doing here anyway and I refuse to help you get off any further.

Mapper · Jan 26, 2017, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Mapper, I can't quite get my head around the hacking/accessing accounts thing - to me that is a pretty serious violation of privacy.

Do you feel bad about it? Would you like to stop doing it?

If I don't find anything that he's been lying to me about then I do feel a bit bad, but as soon as I find out about something he did lie about, which doesn't take long, then I'm glad I looked.

He is MORE than welcome to change his passwords if he doesn't want me looking at anything. I even offered to him to scan his own checks if he doesn't want me knowing his password and he looked at me sideways and said "Why wouldn't I want you to know my password? Don't be silly".

Mapper · Jan 26, 2017, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrispApple

Okay then,I won't respond at all anymore after this post.

You have proven to me(and probably many others) that you get off on what you are doing here anyway and I refuse to help you get off any further.

Thanks Crispy! Appreciate it

Molinit · Jan 26, 2017, 04:20 PM

Mapper has no respect for any of you or the time you've taken to provide things to think about in this or any of the thread's she's made.

So let all of her future threads and this one die the natural death they need, she's looking for attention.

Jan 26, 2017, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Molinit

Mapper has no respect for any of you or the time you've taken to provide things to think about in this or any of the thread's she's made.

So let all of her future threads and this one die the natural death they need, she's looking for attention.

Completely agree!

M_Elise · Jan 26, 2017, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mapper

I won't ever leave. I'm in it for "better or worse"! He just can't stay at a job for very long because everyone or everything about it starts pissing him off. Every job starts out with "This is the greatest job! Everyone is so laid back and awesome". Within 2 months he starts getting irritated with things and within a year it's time to not go to work and look for another job.

If you're referencing your marriage vows, then remember that you're not the only one who made them. He is abandoning his vows to love and cherish you. Love is an action. Sometimes when you love someone, that means holding them to a high standard instead of being the enabler. People who refuse to get help face social consequences...like job loss, homelessness, debt, lost relationships, etc. If nobody sets firm boundaries and expectations for your partner, he will ALWAYS be at his worst without the tools he needs to bring out his best...meaning he will also be unhappy indefinitely. If you love this man, and if you are the person to love him through his worst, then you need to make the tough choice not to protect him from the natural consequences of his actions. If he can't pay his portion of the bills AND is refusing any sort of professional help, it's time for a separation until he can act on his love for you.

Nammu · Jan 26, 2017, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Molinit

Mapper has no respect for any of you or the time you've taken to provide things to think about in this or any of the thread's she's made.

So let all of her future threads and this one die the natural death they need, she's looking for attention.

Judgmental and unsupportive. Just because someone isn't in a place in their live where they are ready to move on doesn't mean they should be shunned. She stated from the very beginning all she wanted was a place to vent. She's put up with a lot of very negative comments from us. If you don't like what you are reading then don't read it but don't judge either.