I just started seeing a man about a month ago and I'm always picking him apart. But he's very different than the men I've been with. In the past I've went for hot men that were the starving artist types that didn't treat me well. I would hop into bed right away too. My relationships were based off sex. I didn't value myself for more. I'm physically attracted to him, but it feels so weird to have it not based on sex.

I haven't been with anyone in 9 yrs. I've been self conscious about my body bc I gained weight from a back injury and meds. But he likes me the way I am. He's successful, intelligent and kind. We have a lot of the same beliefs but the ones we don't I pick apart. I'm used to hot men that can't hold a job and are wanna be musicians, writers etc but in the end treat me badly. This man treats me well but it's so foreign to me to not have it intense.

We haven't slept together yet and we both want to wait on that. That feels weird to me too. He's busy we talk at night for a couple of hours every night but we don't text or anything in the day. He doesn't like to text.

This Sunday we might go to his lake place and he'll make dinner and we'll have wine. Depends on his schedule. He has his son on the weekends so I don't see him on the weekends yet.

Any tips on stopping sabotaging this? I almost broke it off with him last night.

Well....self-sabotage, maybe?

Do you think you're not worth his affection?

Are you testing his resolve?

There are some people out there who can see you for who you are. They know you're testing and they understand it, and yet they are willing to stick it out anyway.
They're usually the most kind, generous, and patient people.

In the far past, I asked a guy if he knew I was testing him (after a long time of self-analysis on my part). He knew, of course...

Good luck!

Yeah maybe. I've never had good relationships with men. Lost my dad when I was 4, then lots of abusive relationships after that. This is all new to me. It's uncomfortable to have not had sex yet, lol.

He sounds like a real gentleman....

Enjoy that...they're kind of rare....

I know, I need to.

Can you make yourself a promise that if you're going to break it off, you need to think about it for a minimum of 3 days? (Or more?)

Would making a list of pros and cons help you see all of his positive qualities? And show you that (from what you've said) there's no reason to break up with him?

Hugs.

[~Christina]

You deserve a great man . Write that on the chalkboard 231 times lol

Give him and yourself a chance !

Originally Posted by ~Christina

You deserve a great man . Write that on the chalkboard 231 times lol

Give him and yourself a chance !

I'm going to. I'm worth it as they say. It's just so new...thanks tho.

[Erebos]

Is it possible your mistaking him wanting to wait with him not wanting you.
Sex is a quick way to validate someone's attracted to you.
Maybe now would be a good time to work on yourself worth.
Can you talk to him about it? I had to do a similar thing last night, I was feeling picky and destructive, I was itching for an argument. So I warned my partner, and he took extra measures to not be baited by my behaviour.

Which I admit was frustrating, but I know in the long run it will help me stop and look at what I am doing.
I wish you all the best, and remember intensity and passion doesn't equal love.
All the best for the future.

Originally Posted by Erebos

Is it possible your mistaking him wanting to wait with him not wanting you.
Sex is a quick way to validate someone's attracted to you.
Maybe now would be a good time to work on yourself worth.
Can you talk to him about it? I had to do a similar thing last night, I was feeling picky and destructive, I was itching for an argument. So I warned my partner, and he took extra measures to not be baited by my behaviour.

Which I admit was frustrating, but I know in the long run it will help me stop and look at what I am doing.
I wish you all the best, and remember intensity and passion doesn't equal love.
All the best for the future.

Yes I am mistaking that! Last night he called but couldn't talk long bc he had to get up really early. We had talked about where we shop for groceries. I go to Wal-Mart. He goes to the expensive grocery store here. Then we talked about Sunday and how we'll probably do a dinner and a movie instead of going to his lake place. And we talked about different places to go. He mentioned this really fancy steakhouse. I don't have clothes nice enough for it. I got off the phone feeling like ****. I called him back and told him I'm feeling really insecure and asked do you like me? He's like of course. I know pathetic... I'm just not used of being wined and dined, lol. I need new clothes. This is just all foreign to me. Ugh!

I do need to work on self worth stuff.