I already know the answer :( just need support!

The fact your are questioning this means you know the answer. That you would do so publicly suggests you are looking for acknowledgement of such and validation that ending it is the answer. You have gotten that from the forum.

As I often ask, in what way is this relationship an advantage to you?

In addition to the assaults what are you getting out of this? In what way is he a giver to this relationship? Would you say you are an equal?

For your physical and emotional safety, end it.

And I have to say, in my book, any man who lays a hand on a woman to hurt her is to be avoided. Yeah, that goes the other way around, too.

Agreed. You do not intentionally harm those you love, you protect them, you care for them - otherwise how can it be love?

That is the biggest, triggering, question of my life!

I really needed to see this. It's hard when you know what you need to do but it's so hard!

I dont think he is a good guy for you

Are you in a similar situation!?

My heart breaks for you. I hear that you love him and that it is hard to let go. Don't be ashamed. He is a dangerous man and I hope you'll leave him far behind. You deserve better than that. I'm worried for your safety.

A few people have asked for updates on the situation. There's really nothing to tell, I've just been working and in the same situation. Still as confused as ever. Mostly over why he would of hurt me like he did.

The why is simple.
Because he can. This sounds like someone who is quick on the read.
He assessed you as a victim typology very quickly and continued with a behavioural pattern he knows /has grown up with.
Most likely aggravated by an alcohol problem.
And he will do it again.
I am curious about couple of things.
What stopped you from calling the police.(this isn't a criticism, any of us who have been in an abusive relationship have done it, I am wondering what your reason was.)
Can you remember what set him off?

Please be careful and take care.

Also because you came back to him.

He will be reading that as a sign that you will put up with his abuse.

I was in a teenager relationship that was psychical until age 22. Boy am i ever thankful i got away. I never told anyone i was being abused, as i hear many women don't tell and suffer in silence. I say run as fast as ou can and i mean now. lock the doors, do everything so this monster can't get you again. i also know how it feels to be in love but i'm telling you this is not love in any way. your life depends on you not seeing this person again.

It's weird because I've always had a deep gut feeling that something bad would happen before it's happened! I've never been in this situation before, so people actually go out of there way to seek out a victim for abuse? If so, why? My friends have said as he only does it when he's drunk maybe i can look past it because he's not done it sober! I think maybe he was testing me from the start as he used to have mood swings and i would always calm him down or pander to him just to calm him down. Also, the police were called once but not by me, by a woman who was concerned because i ran out of the house. I wouldn't press charges but he told them that i was going to kill myself and he was trying to calm me down.i was so scared that they would section me or take my.daughter that i just said he didn't do it so that they would leave. Plus i honestly didn't want him to get into trouble

How did the first assault happen? Was the next more bold?

The first was a few pushes which knocked me to the floor and then he pinned me down and was shouting in my face, the second time he grabbed me from behind when i was halfway up the stairs running away and almost like, rugby tackled me to the floor. The third, he was leaving and i tried to stop him so he slammed the door shut but i was trapped inbetween it so.he was slamming the door on me, mostly my legs were trapped.

Sorry i replied below, still trying to work.out how this website works xx

So, a guy you had been talking to a long time, long distance, and you knew had mood swings, gets together with you only a few times. He gets drunk, assaults you, screaming in your face.

Why did this not trigger a flight response in you? Why did/do you not get rid of him? Do you think you are saving him? You have a fantasy of helping him?

It doesn't work that way. He's really bad news. His telling the cop you were threatening suicide was really, really bad! This is escalating.

I can't believe your friends would tell you to give him a chan ce because he only abuses you while drunk! These are friends?

When you put it like that, that's exactly how it was! Of course i thought i could help.him, i love the guy, i wanted everything to be ok. I thought i could change him and as it turns out I haven't been able too! I did trigger a response in me, i threatened to leave but he showed remorse so i naively forgave him.

Do you love the drunk abuser with the mood swings, or do you love the fantasy guy you wish you could get him to be?

I love the funny, supportive, beautiful.person he is when he's sober! But no i don't love his abusive side!

He's really intelligent and a really driven, motivated person. He's such a positive person! But when he drinks it's like a different person!

He's a real Jekyll and Hyde.

When he's sober and really driven and positive, would you say he's almost too driven, like is he hyper?

Complete Jekyll and Hyde! It's one extreme to the other! No i wouldn't say he's hyper! I wouldn't say too driven!

Maybe his good side can listen to reason and want to go to AA and never lay his hands on you again.

But... my instincts tell me the answer is no, and you are just putting yourself and your daughter in danger.

Get rid of him and look for a guy who is more Jekyll and less Hyde.

You owe it to yourself to leave - you absolutely owe it to your daughter.

She needs a mum who puts her first, not a boyfriend, she needs a mum who is not a bag of nerves or seriously injured or even worse dead because said boyfriend can't handle drink without hurting her. You are her role model, what if she learns that this is acceptable in relationships? What if she grows up to pick the same type of men?

If you can't get away for yourself (possibly because you don't value yourself) then do it for your girl.