Losing sleep because my friend won't talk to me

Yeah, I guess you got an insight into how she handles conflict/misunderstandings, maybe take that as a positive? I know it's hard to take positives when you've been shut out in that way but you learned a little bit more about her.

Personally I do have qualms about this whole social media used as control in this way, I'm 'old school' admittedly (in my 40s). Have seen it a lot in my niece's 20 something generation, it seems the done thing. That's a whole different topic.

She knows a bit here XD

and this: "they degrade each other in banter..." It's kind of a male way of bonding and camaraderie. I have no explanation for it really but just the way it is, and only a female around all of that all the time, understands what it is.

Now, that's not to say the wise thing as a male is to be able to discern when that type of banter is acceptable and when it's not, and also knowing which female friends understand it but that's an over-simplification of something that's far more complex to figure out in real life. So don't beat yourself up for it.

Above all that everyone has said here, be patient, and ease back into things with this friend. She'll probably come around and it will be fine, most people don't stay angry forever

So she said that she didn't plan on adding me back to social media in the near future - is this friendship worth it. I really thought we were good friends. Thanks

Give it up Mac, you're just torturing yourself. She is being very childish and a bit cruel. She's playing you because she knows she can. Move on and try and make new friendships.

Unfortunately losing a friend is a big deal for me. That's just the way it is and I don't like being so vulnerable. It's staring out into an empty space that hurts. And that helpless feeling that you cant make people love you. It makes any kind of motion difficult. ☹️☹️☹️🥀

I think she is showing you what kind of friend she is - not a good one.

I really appreciate how upsetting this is as you probably didn't expect her to behave like this over an ill-advised comment you apologised for. It doesn't feel fair because she isn't being fair.

Agree with ptang, move on, keep your dignity - these are schoolyard games.

I see this abbot differently. You asked her if she is getting a pot belly, which is an incredibly cruel thing to say. For women who have a history of being teased about their weight (which nearly all women do), someone bringing it up can be extremely painful and triggering. She probably needs some space from you to take care of herself. She also probably doesn't want you looking at and judging her pictures online. She is not calling you names, throwing tantrums, or playing with you. She is practicing self-care by keeping her distance.

Well I apologized and I didn't really mean to hurt her. I've known her for three years and it's the first time I said anything derogatory. She has severed all communication and quite frankly I'm not sure what else I can do. I can tell you that she hurt me and if she was trying to get even she did. I really have no course of action at this point - I don't think apologizing again is going to do the trick. Like I said losing a friend is a big deal for me I don't have many. Bottom line is I feel like a three year friendship ended in a instant - much regret.

Was it a true friendship or was it one of those coffee place young ladies that you think of as friends? Do you spend time together? Where?

She maybe never considered it a very close a friendship and now when you have been rude, she sees no reason to hang out anymore.

If she was close friend why would you say such thing??? Or she really isn't that close of a friend? Are you just lonely or it was truly meangful friendship? I don't think she is obligated to continue being a friend just because you have no other people to talk to.

Macd, what happened happened. Dont beat yourself up anymore and try to move on. You will do better next time. I would say, to cut you off after that is harsh, but at the same time, I'd be hurt if someone said that to me, and I don't know anymore details about this situation and friendship. It doesn't sound like you two were best friends. If you want more friends, focus on that.

Well not sure what close means but she has been a social media friend for years. We chatted often and when I got sick last year she seemed really concerned and I appreciated it. We weren't really hang out buddies but she has been consistent on commenting on my Facebook posts - she really enjoyed my trip photos. I considered her a friend it's all relative I guess. ☹️🐥

Social media friendships are different. It's so easy to 'like' and comment on photos - I do it just to relax, and don't really think about it.

It's still not nice to be shut out like that but as you say these things are relative.

You seem to be missing the point; the best thing to "do" is leave her alone. Give her some space. Stop trying to talk to her about it. While not all women will react the same way, I can tell you that many women would want to be left alone after being insulted like that. They're not looking for an apology or to make up. They need time and space for the hurt to go away. Right now, your presence may feel like a knife to her. Insulting a woman's body is not a small, silly, or little thing. Depending on her life history, this may be the biggest mine field you could have walked into. If you want any chance of her coming around in the future, leave her alone and wait for HER to contact you. Moreover, she is not taking space from you to "get back at you." She is not trying to punish you. She is most likely protecting herself. The absolute last thing most women would want is to be reminded of the hurtful comment by having you continue to bring it up or even apologize for it. That is like inflicting the wound all over again. If she values your friendship, she may come back in time after the pain isn't so fresh. If you were just a casual friend, she may not. But this isn't on her; she didn't do something to you. You insulted her in a way that would be excruciatingly painful to most women. Learn a lesson from it. NEVER comment on a woman's weight. Ever. That is a sure fire way to inflict horrible pain, because it triggers decades of other such memories and insecurity and self-esteem issues.

Well all I can say is she was a connection to the world and I'm sorry it happened. What I don't like is my vulnerability to loss - this has really bothered me and I may have to let it go. I thought about taking her off of my social media accounts but that might add fuel to the fire. I've been doing therapy all my life for my shortcomings and I was hoping to be farther along at this point. I'm really surprised I'm still here it's been a long lonely road. I thank everybody for the input but I still have a ton of work to do on my self esteem and I'm exhausted.

If it's somebody you only communicate with on Facebook, then honestly it's not probably a true friendship. I am concerned that someone who makes comments on your posts online and isn't really real life friend is your "window to the world". I'd address it with a therapist.

Facebook seems give causing people tons of aggravation. Also you might want to try looking for male friends. It seems that looking for women friends especially all very young ones causes more problems than it's worth.

Honestly, I don't blame her for removing you. It sounds like a casual online friendship more than a friendship.

She doesn't sound like she's getting back at you or trying to cause you pain - she simply removed you from her accounts and she did that quietly without bothering to insult you.

Really now. You insulted her by commenting on her weight. That totally objectifies her - even if you don't view it as such, you made it fairly clear that her appearance is what matters most to you, or you wouldn't have commented. Congrats - you made her an object. Trust me, if a woman has been gaining weight - she knows about it. She does not need someone to point it out or tease her. We spend our entire lives conscious of it.

I know I sound harsh, but really, you seem to be thinking that you're the one who has been treated badly in this situation. She doesn't owe you forgiveness or an explanation even though you've apologized - you should never have said it to begin with! I joke around tons with my male friends.... And no one, ever, has commented on my appearance at all. Even when my male friends are teasing each other, when it comes to appearance I'm NEVER at the brunt of those jokes. Tons of other jokes, but never how I look. And I've never had to tell them to leave that topic out - they all just know that it's not acceptable.

It's in general a very unusual way of jocking with a woman. The only time I could think someone would say such thing would be to deliberately offend.

I teach high school and even my boys don't joke with girls about their weight (maybe behind their backs lol). They know better than insult people like that.

My husband has Tourette's and obviously no matter how much he tries sometimes stuff just comes out. But it is stuff that is on his mind. He would not mention anyone's belly because it's not on his mind.

I think I'd take focus of this lady but rather focus on how to avoid such comments in the future. Therapist could help.

I wasn't trying to hurt her - we were kidding around at the time and it just came out. I like her and really have no reason to insult her. She's always making fun of her weight and she isn't fat. She's quite attractive actually. I've known her for a long time and have never said anything to intentionally make her feel bad. The tone I said it in was not meant to cause harm - I guess I felt a little too comfortable with her. We talked yesterday and she didn't mention it - In fact, she wanted to know if I was mad at her for the social media thing. I was surprised and told her it was her decision and l was okay with it. I gave her flowers ☺️��

Many people make fun of themselves as a way to cope with insecurities - it doesn't mean they will appreciate someone else joining in!

Of course you didn't mean to hurt her - but that's rather irrelevant. Someone likely doesn't mean to rear end another persons vehicle - but that doesn't mean they can go "oops my bad!" And not have to deal with insurance or anything. It was done. Harm was caused. The hurt party has every right to be upset. The offending party does not have the right to be upset with the person they hurt.

She sounds like a good person for still wanting to be friends - she's just keeping some distance. I'd probably be doing the same in her situation as my trust and comfort with the other person would be really shaken.

Hi Macd123,
I think that it was an honest mistake on your part. Because, friends do joke with each other. Sometimes things go sore between friends, but that's what gonna bring out the true value of your friendship. If she’s your true friend she’s gonna forgive you.