[Bigbluefrog]

hi, I am new here.

I am struggling with a relationship issue. I really didn't know how to interpret this situation, am I being overly aware or too concerned over nothing or should I trust my gut and be prepared to address the situation.

We have a weekend cabin and have developed many new friends there. My husband is tall and very talented with fixing things. So he is everyone's handyman. One of our single friend's knew I left the cabin early and made sure she stopped by the day I was gone with a meal for my husband. it was steak and all the fixings.
Then I saw quite a few texts between them. yes, I read them...shame on me. It was friendly with a hint of flirting nothing too much.

She has a crush on my husband, but never has done this before.

I guess to me a single person doesn't plan to stop at a married man's home to bring him a steak dinner ...doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn't think to do that.
What would you do, just ignore it and brush it off unless it happens again?

I have discussed my concerns with my husband, I told him she has a crush on him and I didn't think it was okay for him to encourage it by flirting in texts or in person.

okay a bit of background this lady is not his type kinda tom boyish and we do have a good relationship and are communicating very well. My husband is unaware of his affect on people, he is just a nice guy.

He thinks she was just being motherly...by bringing him a meal.

Thanks for answering, I would appreciate the input.

[lizardlady]

Good for you for discussing it with your husband. Would he be willing to ask her to leave if she shows up again when you are not there?

[TishaBuv]

I think you are seeing it perfectly clear. Your gut knows a husband stealer when it sees one.

I had a similar experience when I was newly married. A single friend I made at our rental apartment complex started asking my husband to come over and kill a spider or fix things, etc...

I told him I didn't trust her and didn't want him to go. So he didn't go.

What balls of her to bring your h a steak dinner because you went away! Who does that?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Bigbluefrog

hi, I am new here.

I am struggling with a relationship issue. I really didn't know how to interpret this situation, am I being overly aware or too concerned over nothing or should I trust my gut and be prepared to address the situation.

We have a weekend cabin and have developed many new friends there. My husband is tall and very talented with fixing things. So he is everyone's handyman. One of our single friend's knew I left the cabin early and made sure she stopped by the day I was gone with a meal for my husband. it was steak and all the fixings.
Then I saw quite a few texts between them. yes, I read them...shame on me. It was friendly with a hint of flirting nothing too much.

She has a crush on my husband, but never has done this before.

I guess to me a single person doesn't plan to stop at a married man's home to bring him a steak dinner ...doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn't think to do that.
What would you do, just ignore it and brush it off unless it happens again?

I have discussed my concerns with my husband, I told him she has a crush on him and I didn't think it was okay for him to encourage it by flirting in texts or in person.

okay a bit of background this lady is not his type kinda tom boyish and we do have a good relationship and are communicating very well. My husband is unaware of his affect on people, he is just a nice guy.

He thinks she was just being motherly...by bringing him a meal.

Thanks for answering, I would appreciate the input.

I think your interpretations can be taken in different views, because we are seeing your perspective through your filter so let's take all of your filter settings off and look at facts.

...and made sure she stopped by the day I was gone with a meal for my husband. it was steak and all the fixings.

first part, that she made sure to stop by when you were gone wouldn't be entirely verifiable but the fact that she brought him a steak dinner alludes to the idea that she likely wouldn't do this when you were there. Unless she has done this for the both of you before but I'm assuming not. The idea that it's also a nice steak dinner kind of implies something more.

I guess to me a single person doesn't plan to stop at a married man's home to bring him a steak dinner ...doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn't think to do that.

Well a single woman bringing a man a steak dinner in and of itself, would for the most part make people think there is a bit of an attraction there. Out of context, again, her bringing him food in and of itself isn't entirely wrong, but in context of the type of meal, and whether this is something she does typically matters a lot. You said she's never done this so I'm going to assume she hasn't brought him things or the both of you so it's out of the norm. I would say this also leans toward a valid concern.

What would you do, just ignore it and brush it off unless it happens again?

I think that ignoring it would be a mistake. But you seem to have mentioned it to your husband. Hopefully he takes heed and even if he wasn't aware of her potential advances, he will be more aware going forward and act accordingly and appropriately.

He thinks she was just being motherly...by bringing him a meal.

He is being pretty naïve here. I don't know your ages but I think he's probably trying to brush it off here. I know very few men that would look at this situation and not at least wonder what's up.

Everyone likes attention and not all people male or female are able to objectively reject such attention even when they deep down know it's in appropriate. Make it clear that this situation is one that you are aware of and how you feel about it. It will help to push him in the right direction when faced with this inappropriate attention later.

[Bigbluefrog]

Thanks for breaking it down! I appreciate the input.

We are in our early 50's, and I can't get through to my husband, that it was not right.

He is like whatever, I got a grilled T bone steak.

stomach first...then brain

I am friends with her, I just chatted with her keeping it super simple letting her know that I was aware.
MY message, HI thanks for dropping off that nice steak dinner for my husband while I was away. You didn't need to do that. I have made several meals for him. He can cook for himself too.
Asked her about her boyfriend who is out of town.
i forgot to mention that part. She does have a boyfriend, but he was away.

She read through it, said it was left OVER Steak, and I don't have time for this crap.

message clear! on both sides, she lost her first husband to cheating.

[Bigbluefrog]

[QUOTE=s4ndm4n2006;5546089
Everyone likes attention and not all people male or female are able to objectively reject such attention even when they deep down know it's in appropriate. Make it clear that this situation is one that you are aware of and how you feel about it. It will help to push him in the right direction when faced with this inappropriate attention later.[/QUOTE]

Who doesn't like attention?

Thanks for the breaking it down.

I think I let her know that it wasn't okay and she is aware too.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Bigbluefrog

Thanks for breaking it down! I appreciate the input.

We are in our early 50's, and I can't get through to my husband, that it was not right.

He is like whatever, I got a grilled T bone steak.

stomach first...then brain

I am friends with her, I just chatted with her keeping it super simple letting her know that I was aware.
MY message, HI thanks for dropping off that nice steak dinner for my husband while I was away. You didn't need to do that. I have made several meals for him. He can cook for himself too.
Asked her about her boyfriend who is out of town.
i forgot to mention that part. She does have a boyfriend, but he was away.

She read through it, said it was left OVER Steak, and I don't have time for this crap.

message clear! on both sides, she lost her first husband to cheating.

omg he** yes you did good here bravo girl. Sounds like it worked I had no idea whether she was someone you would approach directly or not so didn't suggest to say something to her but that was a great idea. It sounds like what you said was clear enough, in making a point without accusing or saying anything that would be too aggressive. niiiice.