What's too fast and what's slow?

I'm dating this guy and I feel things are moving along too fast. What would slow be like?

Slow is what feels slow to you. Slow to me might be fast to you. Go by what you are feeling. If you feel it is too fast for you, then it is.

Whenever you feel something is not just right, then go with that gut feeling. Everyone is different as sunrise said. Listen to your heart and gut....they won't lie to you.

Wishing you well!

Hugsss
sabby

Sunrise and Sabau,
The best advice ever! Thanks for reminding me to trust my gut instinct and let it serve as my trusted guide!

I'm not sure that there is such a thing as too slow... But then... It might depend a lot on the kind of relationship you are wanting to have with the person.

For me... I guess I'm wanting to have a relationship that is quite intimate. Some people are happy with less intimacy, but I'd like a relationship that is fairly intimate. I've been reading up on intimacy and relationships and sex lately... Has been a bit of an eye opener for me...

Sex does not = intimacy. I guess I knew it rationally / intellectually, but I still have trouble really understanding it, I think. I was reading some stuff on how sex CAN be about intimacy, but alternatively, sex can be about power and control themes. I think... Typically... It is about the latter. :-(

I guess that... I've wanted to slow things down (physically) with respect to my relationship and work on increasing intimacy instead. What do I mean by intimacy? Emotional connection, I guess. I want to be able to talk to him about things I'm worrying about or concerned about or happy about and recieve some soothing and sympathy. I want him to be able to talk to me about things he is worrying about or concerned about or happy about and be soothing and sympathetic to him. I want us to be able to take some pleasure in each others accomplishments and be able to enjoy the moment together. I want physical intimacy to be about that kind of a connection rather than a release kind of connection. The emotional connection takes time, I guess. I have all kinds of fears and stuff and I want to be able to talk to him about those and have him help me work on sorting them out. And vice versa. See if we are compatible as friends and partners and that is going to take time...

Dunno... I'm new to this stuff too.

We are not physically intimate at all. I adhere to a strict hands-off policy. By too fast I meant that we are perhaps spending too much time together, there are good feelings, I fear it's about infatuation, though there are some things about him that I value and admire and respect, and I feel like I'm on an amusement park ride speeding away and not taking the time to listen to my rational mind. To take a step back and say, hey, what was that statement he made all about? Or, hey, he's mentioned he wakes up at eleven in the morn....blink blink....what ramifications might that have in a committed long-term relationship (marriage). Hey, he mentioned something about giving his ex-wife a million dollars....what's that all about....ah, he invested her personal monies in the stock market and lost em all.....hey, rational mind needs to process all this, yet the ride is going at full speed, we are infatuated with each other and I'm not taking the time to take a close look at some of his behaviors and how they might impact a marriage.

So I'm thinking we need some time off from each other, not to talk on the phone cuz then we feel the good feelings and don't take the time to look at the real issues.

Am I making myself clear?

ah. yeah, its clear.
maybe... there is a bit of a middle ground...

because things can be kind of over-thought.
but then things can be kind of under-thought too.

maybe it is more about giving it time. time to get to know each other. that will happen over time. things that you don't get time to process now will recurr and you might be able to ask about them next time. other things can be worked around (such as the getting up late thing).

don't forget to enjoy the good feelings...
i guess i think the 'real issues' will sort themselves out in time.