[ethereal_rainforest]

Hi, so I've been dating this really sweet, awesome guy for a bit over a month now. We met from a group we're both in, and I pretty much had a crush on him from the moment I met him. We get along really well, and I actually feel like he's someone I can trust. It would seem from all of this that we would have a pretty solid relationship, but there's just one problem: I feel like he's overly clingy.

I don't know why, but whenever I spend time with him I get annoyed by certain things. It seems that he constantly has to be holding my hand or kissing me or giving me compliments. And I know you're supposed to do those things in a relationship, but it just seems excessive. The weird thing is that in my last relationship, I was the clingy one. So it's really odd to be on the other side of things, and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

So I have a question about this. Is the fact that I get annoyed by him acting like that a sign that he's not the right guy for me? I really want our relationship to work out, but I just get so overwhelmed sometimes by how lovey-dovey he acts. I know I should talk to him about this, but how? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Anyway, any thoughts or advice on this situation are welcome. Thanks!

[Bill3]

I know I should talk to him about this, but how? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I am really enjoying our time together, and I think really highly of you. However, there is one thing on my mind that I need to discuss with you. You are so affectionate--which I like--but sometimes it gets to be a bit overwhelming. I want your affection, but could there be just a bit less of it? That would make me even more comfortable with you and even happier about us.

I don't want to hurt his feelings.

If he were to get angry, or excessively and unreasonably hurt, or abusive about an honest, reasonable, and heartfelt request along those lines, then you have

a sign that he's not the right guy for me

[Cat_Lover_58]

I'm having a bit of this same dilemma. I'm a gay woman and met a girl who is too clingy and wants too much too soon. (not sex, but gifts, etc) She acts like she is gentle, sweet and loving and then she starts about what a "bad-***" she is..in the name of self-preservation from sexual abuse growing up.

She told me last night about how she put a hole in her kitchen wall and when she told me why I thought, "Wow, time to leave this behind..."

I AM ENDING IT TONIGHT!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by ethereal_rainforest

Hi, so I've been dating this really sweet, awesome guy for a bit over a month now. We met from a group we're both in, and I pretty much had a crush on him from the moment I met him. We get along really well, and I actually feel like he's someone I can trust. It would seem from all of this that we would have a pretty solid relationship, but there's just one problem: I feel like he's overly clingy.

I don't know why, but whenever I spend time with him I get annoyed by certain things. It seems that he constantly has to be holding my hand or kissing me or giving me compliments. And I know you're supposed to do those things in a relationship, but it just seems excessive. The weird thing is that in my last relationship, I was the clingy one. So it's really odd to be on the other side of things, and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

So I have a question about this. Is the fact that I get annoyed by him acting like that a sign that he's not the right guy for me? I really want our relationship to work out, but I just get so overwhelmed sometimes by how lovey-dovey he acts. I know I should talk to him about this, but how? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Anyway, any thoughts or advice on this situation are welcome. Thanks!

Well a couple of things to take note of here. you start out with describing the relationship as solid and that he's a great guy and all that, but this, without any kind of descriptors on what it is that makes either the relationship solid or the guy great. So I can only take your word on that until... you go into his behavior with you and how it bothers you.

You mention then that he's "clingy" not typically something that you describe someone with that you are head over heels with and "all in" for.

whenever I spend time with him I get annoyed by certain things. It seems that he constantly has to be holding my hand or kissing me or giving me compliments. And I know you're supposed to do those things in a relationship, but it just seems excessive.

the words you use to describe his interactions with him kind of have piqued my interest in that it doesn't sound like a mild thing that bothers you a little but it "annoys" you. You feel like he is "constantly" doing things that annoy you and he is "excessively" affectionate.

I cannot say either way whether this guy is good for you or not but I can say that this is not something you should ignore. Your feelings toward him are in question in my mind, because even though you "say" he is great and the relationship is solid, all the rest of the post says you feel otherwise. Which makes me feel like you are trying to make this relationship something it may not be.

What is it that you love about this guy, what are the most enjoyable moments with him, what about his personality attracts you etc? All I can see from this so far is that he's overly affectionate and you don't like that.

heres what I think. People that are infatuated with others, tend to overlook things and let them go far too much early in releationships. Things that are signs that there may be a difference in "love languages" between two people and usually these things do not change drastically over time. If he's the type of person that naturally is touchy, feely and gives compliments easily, that likely won't easily change. Therefore unless you are the type that welcomes this now, it's highly unlikely that you will welcome it later in life when the the flames of the fire are reduced to embers, which they will from time to time.

it's easy to overlook things like these if we do not take heed of the sheer emotion of early infatuation. He may be fun, and there may be passion but don't let those things that will eventually at least cool a bit blind you from the things that will matter in the long run, like how you like to be treated, touched, talked to and everything.

I am also not saying he is NOT the one for you.. there could be a lot of reasons you have an aversion to such things but that is for you to figure out first.

Originally Posted by ethereal_rainforest

Hi, so I've been dating this really sweet, awesome guy for a bit over a month now. We met from a group we're both in, and I pretty much had a crush on him from the moment I met him. We get along really well, and I actually feel like he's someone I can trust. It would seem from all of this that we would have a pretty solid relationship, but there's just one problem: I feel like he's overly clingy.

I don't know why, but whenever I spend time with him I get annoyed by certain things. It seems that he constantly has to be holding my hand or kissing me or giving me compliments. And I know you're supposed to do those things in a relationship, but it just seems excessive. The weird thing is that in my last relationship, I was the clingy one. So it's really odd to be on the other side of things, and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

So I have a question about this. Is the fact that I get annoyed by him acting like that a sign that he's not the right guy for me? I really want our relationship to work out, but I just get so overwhelmed sometimes by how lovey-dovey he acts. I know I should talk to him about this, but how? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Anyway, any thoughts or advice on this situation are welcome. Thanks!

Why not be clingy back?

[TishaBuv]

I get the feeling you are fairly young. I'm middle-aged.

Sometimes, guys who are really doting seem too nice. I know I've had this issue, going for the bad boys and feeling trapped from the ones who want me.

That is supposed to be a trait of immaturity, but I don't think I outgrew it.

[ethereal_rainforest]

Thanks for the responses. They've given me a lot to think about. There are a few things I didn't mention in my post that might shed some more light on my situation:

1) I'm on sertraline right now, which I suspect may affect how I feel about physical affection. I understand that antidepressants often blunt sex drive, and I wonder whether it's possible that they dampen people's desire for simple things like cuddling as well.

2) I'm not completely over my ex-boyfriend. I am very aware that I need to move on from him and that things will never work out between us. But I still feel hurt and rejected both as a result of the initial breakup and the back-and-forth that happened afterwards.

3) As painful as the situation with my ex was, it did teach me to never base my happiness on another person. I was very emotionally dependent on the guy, and went into a deep depression after our breakup. So I'm wondering whether I'm trying to protect myself from becoming too attached to my current boyfriend.

Anyway, I'll probably respond to certain parts of your posts later. Just wanted to mention the above things since I think they're important to understanding my situation.

[Fuzzybear]