[Macd123]

Well, about a week ago I said something I shouldn't have to my friend - I asked if she was getting a pop belly. We've been friends for three years and appreciate each other. Because of what I said she has taken me off Facebook and won't answer my texts. Now I realize I was probably in the wrong and I'm want to aplogize but she won't even let me. I really miss her as a friend and I don't have many friends so this is a real problem for me. I keep thinking she is overreacting but I hate to make that judgment considering I'm in the wrong. It's really the only time I've said something that offended her. Don't I deserve another chance or not - please help!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry. I guess you can just wait some time and hope she calms down after a while.. and then you can make your apologies.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm sorry. I guess you can just wait some time and hope she calms down after a while.. and then you can make your apologies.

Thanks - she finally responded and told me I was a little boy but she said she forgave me. Is this good??????����������

Originally Posted by Macd123

Thanks - she finally responded and told me I was a little boy but she said she forgave me. Is this good??????����������

She probably just meant that you were immature, but it sounds like you are indeed forgiven, and that is a good thing.

Let this be a lesson - poking fun at anyone's weight is a dangerous idea!

[Macd123]

Thanks - she finally responded and told me I was a little boy but she said she forgave me. Is this good??????����������

She seems more immature than you if she will resort to giving you the silent treatment over what you said. If she is so insecure that she has to unfriend you on social media and ignore you over a jest, then it's her problem that she will need to face and not yours.

With that being said, please do try to refrain from making fun of people's weight in the future.

[unaluna]

Yikes. You realize she might be pregnant?

Oh crikey, yes comments on personal appearance are always best avoided even when people love each other dearly - wars start over less.

[Macd123]

Am I screwed - she has cut me out of her social media life??????? It was a flippant comment and I didn't want to hurt her......I hate the thought that I've lost a friend. She did say briefly that she forgave me. Hope?????? Should I just focus on getting a new friend ��������������

Well you said she had said she forgave you so I would just accept that and give it time. She may be still mad with you a while or she may just have forgotten to unblock you.

Personally I wouldn't worry too much about the social media, what happens face to face is far more important IMO.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Well you said she had said she forgave you so I would just accept that and give it time. She may be still mad with you a while or she may just have forgotten to unblock you.

Personally I wouldn't worry too much about the social media, what happens face to face is far more important IMO.

Thank you - I appreciate it. Wish I could pull those words back 😱☺

[s4ndm4n2006]

First off, although the comment may have been insensitive, you have to ask yourself something. If she is immature enough to end a relationship for something as common as saying the wrong thing sometimes, then is she really mature enough to be your friend? and does she actually hold you in as high regard as you do? Hmmm.. I'm sorry but my friends say stupid things that offend me badly sometimes, but if they are truly great friends then it goes without saying I'm not going to cut them off so quickly.

So... things to ponder above. Outside of that it's really just a wait and see thing. She has the chance to show you if you are truly a friend or ever were or not, and you'll see in time, but you can't really do any more other than being apologetic which it seems you already have been. YOu made the mistake, you tried to make amends, you did your part. The rest is on her. I know that's not easy but it's what you have to do, and that is, wait,.

[seesaw]

I'm sorry, a man, no matter how good a friend, comments on my weight or appearance in a derogatory way, and it might upset me. Women get judged SO much for our looks, we don't need it from our close friends and family. And what if she was pregnant? What if she started medication that made her gain weight? It's very insensitive.

Maybe she removed you from social media because she felt you were looking at her pics and judging her?

All that said, I do agree her reaction was a little over the top. Why not just call you out on it in the moment and say, "that's really mean, man." And likely you would have apologized immediately.

So I wonder if there's other stuff in your relationship that you're not saying?

Give her time. People have a right to their own emotions. Clearly she's still upset a bit.

Seesaw

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

First off, although the comment may have been insensitive, you have to ask yourself something. If she is immature enough to end a relationship for something as common as saying the wrong thing sometimes, then is she really mature enough to be your friend? and does she actually hold you in as high regard as you do? Hmmm.. I'm sorry but my friends say stupid things that offend me badly sometimes, but if they are truly great friends then it goes without saying I'm not going to cut them off so quickly.

So... things to ponder above. Outside of that it's really just a wait and see thing. She has the chance to show you if you are truly a friend or ever were or not, and you'll see in time, but you can't really do any more other than being apologetic which it seems you already have been. YOu made the mistake, you tried to make amends, you did your part. The rest is on her. I know that's not easy but it's what you have to do, and that is, wait,.

You're right I don't know why her reaction was so violent. She literally cut me out of her world. This one I'm wrestling with - is she really a friend I mean she's putting me through a lot of stress. The problem is I hate losing any connection because I don't have that many (I know work on it). Like I said she went out of her way to make sure I got the message. I was wrong but I'd give a friend a second chance without all the drama. Thanks

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I'm sorry, a man, no matter how good a friend, comments on my weight or appearance in a derogatory way, and it might upset me. Women get judged SO much for our looks, we don't need it from our close friends and family. And what if she was pregnant? What if she started medication that made her gain weight? It's very insensitive.

Maybe she removed you from social media because she felt you were looking at her pics and judging her?

All that said, I do agree her reaction was a little over the top. Why not just call you out on it in the moment and say, "that's really mean, man." And likely you would have apologized immediately.

So I wonder if there's other stuff in your relationship that you're not saying?

Give her time. People have a right to their own emotions. Clearly she's still upset a bit.

Seesaw

I'm sorry I said it - I didn't want to hurt her really. It was a flippant comment and I was I trying to be cute. This is the first time in our friendship that I made her upset. I agree that it was bad but I have apologized. The problem is I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable talking with her ever again. I just feel sad.

I totally understand why she was upset too but my male friends often say blunt tactless stuff, personally I think this is a difference between the sexes men do tend to be less sensitive in my experience. No biggie IMO. Yes she does sound a bit out of proportion to me but she's your friend and you get to decide if that's acceptable to you or not.

Certainly wouldn't beat yourself up and I agree with S4nd if this is a true friendship it will survive and you will both laugh this off.

[Macd123]

So I talked to her today she seemed okay. I felt like I was walking on broken glass the whole time. I never did ask her about the social media thing although it really bothered me.......������������������������������

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I totally understand why she was upset too but my male friends often say blunt tactless stuff, personally I think this is a difference between the sexes men do tend to be less sensitive in my experience. No biggie IMO. Yes she does sound a bit out of proportion to me but she's your friend and you get to decide if that's acceptable to you or not.

Certainly wouldn't beat yourself up and I agree with S4nd if this is a true friendship it will survive and you will both laugh this off.

"..but my male friends often say blunt tactless stuff.."

Ummm so much this ^^^

Being a male I know first hand what my foot tastes like. I can only say that I know this is so true from being guilty of it myself.

Men, in many cases just dont' think much on some of the particular sensitive subjects as women do so we just blurt sh__ out sometimes lol. Takes a particularly mindful male to stay one step ahead and think before we speak. I know, it can be done but it takes work on our part haha.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

"..but my male friends often say blunt tactless stuff.."

Ummm so much this ^^^

Being a male I know first hand what my foot tastes like. I can only say that I know this is so true from being guilty of it myself.

Men, in many cases just dont' think much on some of the particular sensitive subjects as women do so we just blurt sh__ out sometimes lol. Takes a particularly mindful male to stay one step ahead and think before we speak. I know, it can be done but it takes work on our part haha.

Yeah well I said it in jest and wasn't thinking. I wasn't trying to be abusive and I've never said anything like that before. She has mentioned several times that she thought she was overweight - she's not. I guess because she was patting her stomach at the time that it was okay to make a cute weight comment. I guess the only thing I can do is move forward and be aware. thanks

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Yeah well I said it in jest and wasn't thinking. I wasn't trying to be abusive and I've never said anything like that before. She has mentioned several times that she thought she was overweight - she's not. I guess because she was patting her stomach at the time that it was okay to make a cute weight comment. I guess the only thing I can do is move forward and be aware. thanks

No that's exactly how I envisioned it, sometimes we dont' think. I never questioned your intentions, and don't judge as I said I've tasted my foot on more than one occasion, typically when I am just messing around or joking.

Yep. Perhaps she does not have many male friends and is more used to female interactions hence her rather quick to take offence reaction.

Honestly I find this blunter communication actually quite comforting - I rarely have to second guess and know where I am with it. As long as you apologised it shouldn't be a biggie.

[Macd123]

Should I ask if she plans on being my social media friend ever again - it sort of bothers me that she deleted me from all her on line accounts????? This is always going to be in the back of my head if we're still friends......thanks!

If it bothers you then why not? Maybe say it in a lighthearted jokey way.

Personally I wouldn't let her know it bothers you too much, but then I must admit I find the idea of blocking because of a fall out a bit childish.

[Erebos]

9/10 of my friends are men, if I got bent out of shape every time they made a tactless remark when we are joking around, even when they are trying to be sensitive. I would have one friend left.

They degrade each other in banter(play fights) all the time, and if your close enough as a girl that they bring you into this consider yourself an honorary bloke.
With that in mind they do tend to forget their filters, but it generally means good things not bad.

My very very best friend is a guy, and yes two months ago asked me in all sincerity if I was pregnant.

I was like, " no honey, I'm just fat." and rolled my eyes.
I didn't need to make a big deal about it he was suitably mortified by his own bad judgement.

OP, as good a friend as she feels, she obviously isn't used to the gender devide, And since you apologised, and she accepted she should really let it go.
If you get the chance talk to her about things but maybe she just doesn't feel as secure in herself around you as she did.
Yes I believe she over reacted, and her behaviour is a little immature.
Maybe just don't rely too much on things going back to how they were.
Take care.

[Macd123]

[QUOTE=prefabsprout;5547001]If it bothers you then why not? Maybe say it in a lighthearted jokey way.

Personally I wouldn't let her know it bothers you too much, but then I must admit I find the idea of blocking because of a fall out a bit childish

Thanks - don't want to add fuel to the fire. If she just would have confronted me and then told me not to do it again I would have got the message - this leaves the whole thing hanging like a black cloud.....((((