Friendship is over.

A friend sent me a check for $500 a couple of weeks ago. A gift for helping them, putting up with them, sort of a little atonement for how they had treated me in the past, for possibly overpaying for something, deciding to forgive them for past insults and fights they created.

They had to make sure they had money in the bank (they're wealthy but had to transfer money between savings/checking - not an unusual thing for them.) They were busy. I went out of town. I was busy. There wasn't a rush. A week later, this person was being their insulting, surly drunk self when they phoned. We had an argument. The next day they apologized. OK. I ASKED that night if they still wanted me to cash the check after everything, they said YES "will put money in bank tomorrow." I told them, "Let me know for sure when I can. No rush."

Three mornings after, I texted to say I was going to go to my bank later. Even gave a time frame out of courtesy. They told me not to because their rent check had cleared and it would bounce. I said, "Ok. Well, let me know."

Few hours later I get an email; because I was "still angry" over the drunken argument even though they apologized (I wasn't), and 'cause I was being "arrogant and mean," etc., they canceled the check. I wasn't being anything of the sort!

For this reason, and our up and down history, I told this person goodbye. I felt betrayed though I'm not sure I should. I told them they were a sneak and a coward to do such a thing, rather than call and ask me personally if I WAS being all the things I SEEMED like in text.

I feel terrible. I've known this person for years. I feel awful for telling them "goodbye and good luck." I've been crying periodically. I miss this person and the way they used to be. I don't know if I did the right thing, but at the same time I don't see how I could trust their word, or loyalty, or their ability to keep from mistreating me.

What they did really, really sucks. But I really, really hurt.

Why would they pay you to be their friend? Red flag #1.

I clarified. Wasn't a "friend-for-hire" kind of thing.

First of all this person obviously isn't wealthy. People who shuffle money between accounts so bad that they don't even have $500 aren't rich . I am not rich but I certainly never didn't have 500 on my account.

Second of all people with no money in the bank shouldn't be sending people checks! He sends checks but then warns people that it will bounce? Gee

Third of all this person pays people for friendship?

And finally why do you want to be friends with this rude person?

The whole situation is just too bizarre. Time to move on

it sounds like this person wasn't treating you well, and you got fed up. It's natural to miss someone and the way they used to be. But it sounds like they changed.

This is a toxic relationship. This is bad for you and you should not feel bad about cutting ties. He needs to get help for their problems.

This just sounds too weird.
Simple rules to follow.
Avoid people with obvious alcohol issues.
If someone is abusive to you once,they almost certainly will do it again if there were no repercussions.
Do NOT mix money and friendship, it's a terrible idea.
Don't accept money for services rendered, unless it's your actual job.
Be treated by others only as you would treat them.

All the best.

Thank you all for your replies. I know that this whole story sounds weird, bizarre, etc. It is. But it's all true!

I can't make sense as to WHY they did this. I just feel bad all the way around even though I know I did what's best for me.

What I want to comment on is the weirdness of "paying you" as making amends to those things. Did they steal from you? Did they damage your property? Is there anything tangible to connect the dollar amount to? Because even though you say it's not as if they are paying you as a friend for hire, it still seems on their end it's them using money to manipulate you.

They used it initially to make peace with you, instead of a mature manner and making real amends, emotionally, intellectually dealing with what the offenses were.

then when they decided you were still angry (they couldn't fend off your anger with money) they decided to cancel the check because it didn't work anyway and so now they are manipulating you further by saying "if you won't stop being mad at you I'm punishing you by not giving you the money"

If you were angry about the money itself, you shouldn't be. You should be more angry at the fact that they are manipulative and you probably did the right thing by ending it.

This person is a toxic waste to your zen garden. My question is, what did you get from knowing this person? How did they add to your life? What did you benefit from knowing this person as long as you did?

Friendship -- when it's balanced and healthy between two people -- is a two way street of give and take. But when it's a dysfunctional, unbalanced connection between two people, it's not friendship.

We've all had toxic friendships. Always best to cut those type of people loose from your life. People should add something positive to your life, not take away from it.

Oh, the original problem happened months ago. And they eventually apologized. Admitted wrong, etc. A few weeks ago when they sent this money, it was because (I believe) they were feeling exuberant, and overly jovial, and because (according to them) I had just bought a car, they wanted to help me out a little, they believed in the past I might have overpaid for something so they wanted to "restore the balance" some how and because they had acted bad towards me in the past.

They punished me because they thought I spoke to them rudely. In truth, it was two short texts. One a questions, and one an "Ok. Well, let me know." And how my "speaking to them" was too terse and mean to them I'll never know. But I felt like I'd been toyed with, punished, etc.

I got a lot out of knowing them.. There was a human being I could share things with, and vice versa. They weren't always like this.

Thanks for saying this. This is what bothers me most of all! This is what has had me more sad than anything.

Your post made me laugh because it was so straight forward. That's a good thing. Trust me.