[LiteraryLark]

He always talks of how we'll spend time together when he's on leave, but it never happens. The most we ever do is a little TV time in silence. He'd rather hang out 24/7 with his bestie cousin who is more like a brother to him than I am a sister. I cut myself every time he comes home because I feel guilty that I'm a terrible sister if he never gets excited to see me or spend time with me. Now he has a girlfriend that's his new top priority and they are out fishing with his cousin. I feel so heartbroken.

[Angelique67]

:

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. You must be terribly hurt. You need to sit down with your brother and let him know how his actions are impacting you. Maybe he can tell you some of what he is feeling as well. You also need to sit down with a therapist to process these feelings so you don't feel the need to self harm. I am so sorry. You are not alone. You have a lot of support on this forum. Are you strong enough to ask your brother for a sit down? Thinking of you.....

[LiteraryLark]

When they came home from fishing they told me they were glad I didn't go because they got knee deep in mud (my mom had them hose off in the yard) and didn't fish at all and were very disappointed in their outing, and I had planned on wearing my nicest boots and a dress which would have gotten ruined. Last night my brother, his gf, and I went out to dinner where we spent a lot of time talking and making jokes. I came up with the idea to go to the annual Day Under the Oaks that I look forward to every year and we all agreed on going, and then tomorrow is my day off as well as our family dinner with my parents and grandparents so we will be able to spend time together.

I didn't cut but I drank alcohol.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

When they came home from fishing they told me they were glad I didn't go because they got knee deep in mud (my mom had them hose off in the yard) and didn't fish at all and were very disappointed in their outing, and I had planned on wearing my nicest boots and a dress which would have gotten ruined. Last night my brother, his gf, and I went out to dinner where we spent a lot of time talking and making jokes. I came up with the idea to go to the annual Day Under the Oaks that I look forward to every year and we all agreed on going, and then tomorrow is my day off as well as our family dinner with my parents and grandparents so we will be able to spend time together.

I didn't cut but I drank alcohol.

That's great news!!! So glad to hear it. Enjoy it all. You didn't cut...that's progress.

As painful as it is, it is also good that you recognize this!

Rejections by our parents and siblings are the most hurtful and difficult to overcome ...



Wishing you the best in becoming your first priority so that their future negligence doesn't cause you to continue to injure yourself!

Sincerely,
Pflower!

[Rose76]

I think the title you gave to this thread says a great deal. It might be something that you just have to face as a reality that isn't going to change. I don't think you ever will be your brother's top priority. Had you been wanting him to be your best friend? Maybe he doesn't want to be. Punishing yourself with cutting and drinking won't alter anything. Do you have friends, or relatives you relate well to? It's actually pretty normal for a young guy to prioritize a girlfriend over a sister. Eventually, he'll select a mate to build a life with. That's not going to be you. You will be on the periphery of his life . . . not in the center.

My brother tended to want me to be his best friend, and even wanted us to live together as adults. He was failing to make normal connections to others. I was very sorry for his loneliness, but I couldn't be the solution to his problem.

[LiteraryLark]

So we got to the Day Under the Oaks and he told me that they got the wrong time for the baseball game which meant they had to leave so he took me home and I went back feeling miserable...Now I read these messages and I want to kill myself...

I hope you don't!

If you do, there will be a hole in this Universe where you are supposed to be and that will be a very sad thing!

I urge you to reach out for the support you need to help you through all this!

Sincerely,
Pflower!

LL I hope these sad feelings will pass soon.

I think many of us can relate to those intense feelings over siblings. I am the youngest and adored my older sister growing up - she often had other priorities and I never saw her as much as I wanted to.

We're grown up with grown up families now but I can still get that pang of rejection when she has too much going on to have time with me. I understand the reasons why and I accept it but even now I still feel a little sad.

Maybe how you feel now has it's roots in childhood?

[cakeladie]

Lark I a, so proud of you for not cutting. Please don't try and harm yourself. Start looking at more mobile homes or even condos something to take your mind off hurting yourself.

If you hurt yourself a lot of us here would be hurt.

How are you doing today LL?

[LiteraryLark]

I feel sad...I have a family dinner tonight...my brother knows I am upset with him...my parents gave me a pep talk last night but it made me feel more bad...

[LiteraryLark]

Last year's family dinner I spent most of it crying in the bathroom. My grandparents will be there. I don't want to ruin the dinner.

[Hairball]

Is your brother your only sibling? is he older or younger than you? what was your relationship with him like when u were both growing up?

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Hairball

Is your brother your only sibling? is he older or younger than you? what was your relationship with him like when u were both growing up?

He is my only sibling. 2 years younger. We did everything together growing up and very close.

[LiteraryLark]

So far so good at family dinner. Feeling anxious and lonely since no one has talked to me...theres only 7 people but its loud...

EDIT:

The loudness toned down and now my brother and his gf are sitting quietly together alone in another room and my mom is cooking up the noodles for the spaghetti...this is going much better than I expected. My grandparents have been talking to me about my new job, and my mom, grandma, and I have split two bottles of wine between the three of us, so now I feel a bit more relaxed.

[LiteraryLark]

The dinner went really well. We laughed our butts off till our sides hurt telling jokes. I am feeling pretty good and this is the best family dinner we have had in a long time.

EDIT: I survived the family dinner. Grandparents went home and brother and gf are out taking the dog for a walk. Now I can finally relax. You might even say I had fun. Such a relief that it's over and went so smoothly.

[Rose76]

Well good for you! I suspect you actually have a great capacity to get a lot out of life, if you can just let go of disappointments and fears and move into each opportunity, as it comes along.

You are your mother's only daughter . . . and your father's only daughter. I have a sibling who never got noticed much. My parents seemed to kind of ignore her. Later in life, though, she was the one closest to them. I think you've projected so much fear onto the future . . . that you'll never count . . . that you see this dark, empty picture of what life will always be. You don't realize how, in years to come, there will be so many opportunities for you to mean so much to people, including your brother. He has heartbreaks ahead in life that he and you know nothing about, right now. You are the person who has shared a history with him going back to when he was in a crib. You know him better than just about anyone. In some ways, no one will ever know him as you do. You could be very important to him when life throws the hard challenges his way, which it will. Someday, he'll have marital issues, as every couple since Adam and Eve has had. His kids won't be perfect. They'll get sick, and he'll worry. They'll get in trouble, and he'll get frustrated. His jobs, after he leaves the military, won't all pan out the way he hopes. Sooner or later, something will go wrong in his life. And just when he straightens it out, something else will go wrong. Someday, he'll need surgery, or develop a sickness. That's life, when you get into adulthood. Having a sister who admires him and thinks he's special may be a bright spot in his life when times get a little dark.

You greatly underestimate the power your presence can have over the years. I think life may surprise you. A sibling is someone who is a witness to a person's whole story. That can be very important and valuable. It would be a shame to let that get outweighed by resentments. I have seen siblings completely lose affection for each other over resentment after resentment piling up. You can see it on threads here. People can get into a mindset where they're practically looking for stuff to be mad about. Don't let that be the story of you and your brother. Chose a better story to live, and you can live it.

[avlady]

how terrible you must feel and rejection too. i say if you are cutting or wanting to cut or kill yourself you definately need a doc and t and soon. i love you but don't know you, everyone is lovable even with our faults. we have to grow as time changes things and it flies by quickly. these feelings you have will pass, you just need to talk things out with a therapist and maybe get some mds from a doc. good luck

[avlady]

i am 56 now and tried to kill myself when i was 17 2 times, please don't do it.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Rose76

You greatly underestimate the power your presence can have over the years. I think life may surprise you. A sibling is someone who is a witness to a person's whole story. That can be very important and valuable. It would be a shame to let that get outweighed by resentments. I have seen siblings completely lose affection for each other over resentment after resentment piling up. You can see it on threads here. People can get into a mindset where they're practically looking for stuff to be mad about. Don't let that be the story of you and your brother. Chose a better story to live, and you can live it.

Thank you for this heartfelt message. It means so much to me and it really hit home.

[LiteraryLark]

My brother is leaving tomorrow! I feel good about it. Next time he will know that I am sticking to the family dinner and that's all I'll have time for. Then again, next time I may have moved out by then so if he truly cares he would visit me.

[divine1966]

I understand how you feel.

I am familiar with these feelings. There have been time when I felt my brother paid no attention to me and my daughter. But he turned out felt about the same.

But then when time gets tough and something bad happens my brother is always there. I know I can rely on him in tough times and vice versa. That's something.

So I accepted that our relationship might not be ideal, like we are kind of close but not as close as we both wished but sometimes that's a reality of a relationship and could try to be happy about what "IS"'not "what we wish it was".

You also have to accept that other people might have a different more busy life. My brother has three kids and two are still at home while I have one and she is an adult. It's only natural he is a bit more busy. Your brother might be more busy for number of reasons.

As about him having to cancel an event due to baseball game that's just a reality of life. It doesnt mean he doesn't love you

Please don't harm yourself. Your brother certainly loves you but it's natural that he has other things going on. It's just how it is. Hang in there