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#1
May 03, 2017, 08:06 AM
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OK. I have a girlfriend that I love and care about very much. She is good to me and is quite frankly everything I have been looking for in a partner. Now with that being saif I have this I guess defense mechanism that when I feel like I'm becoming to close to someone I push them away. Not sure if it is intentional or just what happens but I do it. I pick fights I accuse little things for no reason. I think I feel that if I push them away it won't hurt as much when they voluntarily leave. I don't know how to stop this this is all I know. I don't want to lose her but its inevitable I think. I just don't know what to do.
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 MickeyCheeky
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#2
May 03, 2017, 09:43 AM
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You could go see a therapist to sort your feelings out. Somewhere along the way you've been hurt or betrayed and this is your go to coping mechanism. You could also sit down with your girlfriend and explain it to her so she knows what's really going on. Good luck.
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#3
May 03, 2017, 09:50 AM
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You are probably reenacting a childhood trauma/emotion and don't even recognize it. See Wolfgaze's posting #21 at https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...o-cruel-3.html Wolfgaze says (rephrasing from memory/inexact quote) "look for a pattern from childhood that replays when you are an adult." After I thought about this today--it made some of my anxious behavior in the past make so much sense. I encourage you to read that posting. With time and self reflection (therapy?), you can learn to at least moderate some of your reactions...... |
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#4
May 03, 2017, 09:54 AM
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#5
May 03, 2017, 10:04 AM
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Thank you I will definitely check that out |
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#6
May 03, 2017, 10:07 AM
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I'd suggest talking with your therapist about this if you haven't already. Also, please explain this to your girlfriend. Be honest with her. If she loves you, she will understand your struggle and will try to help you with it
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#7
May 03, 2017, 10:49 AM
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#8
May 03, 2017, 11:04 AM
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I did this too.
I started practicing opposite actions... I put my bf through hell, broke up with him every 4 months for 3 years... Last time he cane back he made it clear it was a deal breaker, I push, he takes me seriously and goes. Forever Soo I got a journal, everytime I felt the urge to push it pick fights, I'd do it to the journal... Haven't written in there in over a year now. I'm sorry, I know how bad it sucks
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| Bill3, Sunflower123
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 s4ndm4n2006, Sunflower123
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#9
May 04, 2017, 07:10 AM
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#10
May 04, 2017, 09:30 AM
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#11
May 04, 2017, 10:35 AM
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Your welcome �� I'm glad I could help out somehow.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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