How to connect?

'little' backstory first

As a kid I only had one friend. Usually played by myself and minded my own business. Also liked playing card with my grandparents, as they used to babysit me from kindergarten to middle school, instead of playing outside with the other children.

even when I went outside to play I always felt like the black sheep, this was also the case in my family whenever we were together ,when for example an uncle had his birthday.

In highschool my sister had some troubles with being bullied and she went on drugs and there was alot of tension in the household. The only time my parents my sister and I were together was during dinner and my older just started picking fights with my parents and when I asked what's the matter i got told to shut my mouth and it was none of my bussiness. This made me just be in my room almost 24/7 and made the small relationship I had with my family even thinner.

I had made some 'friends' last 2 years of highschool. we only had one thing in common which was smoking weed. After i quit college i dropped those friends aswell together with smoking. Now i'm 25 and started another studies last school year.

I've got some superficial contacts on this studies and my trash tier job. I get along fine with people, but when i return home i'm still alone. While i do like being alone, I'd like to do something with another person from time to time. Maybe even find a person i could connect to with on emotional level. I don't know how other people do it and I would like to learn it.

Connecting 101: Sharing.

Common interests are a good place to start yes, but if we never share (reciprocally) on a deeper level (hopes, dreams, fears etc) then a solid connection cannot be formed.

I hope you are able to find what you're searching for

Well first I would like to congratulate you on being able to quite smoking. That's not an easy thing to do… you should be very proud of yourself.

As with forming relationships it is obviously also not an easy thing… One of the first things you have to do is be willing to commit to the time and effort it takes to build a relationship. And if your up to that challenge… then I don't see why you can't have good relationships with others.

Here are some little tips that might help you get there:
-smile & eye contact
-open body language
-use the person's name
-don't underestimate the power of doing little things for people
-listen
-ask them questions about themselves
-be caring and kind
-be positive
-and last but not least make them feel very special

These are only some of the things you can do for others… And although it's a lot to take in, I'm sure you can do it. Best of luck to you Althuzia.

Hi!

I can relate with most of the things you've said, except I don't have siblings. Had no friends growing up and at most a buddy in highschool and a buddy or two in university/masters. Now I have two friends I hang out with once a week or once every two weeks but I have little in common with one of them.

Point is, it's hard for me to make friends as well, partly out of mild introversion coupled with a bit of social anxiety, partly because I stick out as different due to being unfeminine and also in big part by having little experience with socializing on a deeper level, holding small talk, etc.

If you have hobbies, I would suggest meetup groups, especially since you're in a very diverse place. Meeting people who get together precisely to enjoy a common interest can make it easier to make friends cause the people there are interested at least in one of your hobbies and you have that to start interacting with them.

Then, as others have said, try to open up about yourself, ask questions about the other person's life, show interest in what they're saying . Those things work, especially if there's nothing visibly "different" about you, that could influence interactions before you say anything.

I use quite alot of body language and smile. I find eye contact a bit awkward, especially for long(er) periods of time. I ask them questions as I do not have a lot to tell about myself.

The problem might lie here. but to be frank I don't have much hopes/dreams other than just finding a place to live by myself whether with or without future companion. Also I always feel like other people already have their group of friends around to talk about these things. And even if I'd had friends I don't know at what point it would be appropriate for me to share these things. As i've never learned to do so on a deeper level as a child/teen, i since about highschool i've kept my feelings and emotions to myself.

my hobbies are listening to music and video games. I've also picked up fitness again about 2-3 months ago. I'd like to join something like aboard game group or maybe try to play some D&D for the frist time. I've always like board games, but i've never met anyone who thought the same. Even today I don't know where I could find a group like this.

If you find someone you'd like to hang out with tell her/him that + why. Even if they say "no" it's good to appreciate who they are, so you want to befriend them. Just an idea.