commitment anxiety

The man I am dating has commitment anxiety. We see each other at least 5 times a week, taking turns spending the night with each other. The issue comes in the form of labeling what we are to each other or if we are in a relationship. He was very upfront from the beginning that he has an issue with commitment, which is why I was surprised that he is the initiator in us constantly seeing each other and wanting to spend time together. He acts, physically and emotionally like a boyfriend but isn’t comfortable with the term or any labels on what we have. He even has anxiety attacks attending weddings of friends. The mere mention of commitment sends him into a tail spin of an anxiety attack. My question is how can we move forward positively when he has these limitations and anxiety? Should I break things off or just continue in our very happy non-relationship and leave it alone?

That depends entirely on you and what is okay with you.

I happily agreed to have a non labeled relationship as long as it was exclusive (labels were just too overwhelming for both of us at the time) and we also mutually agreed to just take it one day at a time and enjoy the now, instead of focusing on the future.

Years later we are still together and more committed to each other than ever.

I get why people want or need labels, I guess for some it spells security, at one stage I thought I needed it too, but I've found labels in itself to be quite limiting in its own way. Creating pressures and expectations that some of us function better without.

So as I said in the beginning its really up to you, is the label and being able to use it more important than the substance and quality of the relationship?

I agree with Trippin2.0, it's your (mutual) call. If you are okay with things as they are, that's fine - some people get along quite well that way, usually when neither party is interested in a label. If you aren't okay with his refusal to call himself your boyfriend or partner, that's valid too. It's a really tough decision.

Is he open to discussing this with you?

I can understand the anxiety with labels too. My best friend had that when we were together, and he used to panic when I mentioned the future or even that I loved him. But years later, we both have no labels, still very much in each other's lives and happier than ever. He is quite comfortable knowing we will spend of our lives together, and you know what? It's good enough for me.

Do you really need the label? As hvert said is he open to talking to you about this? I see nothing wrong with it, as long as you make each other happy. If that's okay with you too, then there should be no worries.

It ultimately comes down with what YOU want out of this relationship. If you are insecure of other women or it just being a casual thing, then yeah, I would talk to him about it. But if things are great and you enjoy each other, do you really need the label?

Good luck with whatever you decide, we are here for you

Like the previous posters have said it depends on how important it is to you to put a label on it and I can understand why you would want to. I would at some point. What do you tell other people he is? Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell is a good example of a couple that have never put a label on their relationship. On the other hand, I had a roommate whose boyfriend had commitment anxiety and it took him 7 years to propose to her. She was very patient with him and he finally came around. Did you mention how long you had been dating?