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Old May 17, 2017, 12:08 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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When I try to bring something up that is bothering me or I need to talk about something...H shuts me down and says....there's always something bothering you why are we bothering to stay together.
I am not a nag by any means.....but sometimes you want to talk about something that is bothering you.
Example: H stuck his legs out from the couch as I walked by.....for a joke probably....well I tripped and fell hard....my glasses flew across the floor and I jarred my neck..
My son(27) came running infrom the kitchen as he was there to see if I was ok.
H didnt move an inch...didn't get up to see if I was ok or get up to help me up.
I said right then...it would have been nice if you could have helped me up....he said I m sick....yes he has an ear infection he is not paralyzed.
Whether I walked into his legs or he was just playing around by sticking his legs out I felt he didn't care.
I tried to bring it up this morning but he shut me down and told me to stop complaining....everything bothers me...sooo not true. I said if I can't bring up something that is bothering me ...that is wrong.
I very rarely talk about anything because I get shut down like this all the time.
Hugs from:
adashofhope, Anonymous55397, MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123

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  #2  
Old May 17, 2017, 01:43 PM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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I'm sorry this happened to you. What he did was being a jerk. Every time he shuts you down, he is invalidating your feelings and not being supportive. That's not right. Do you have a therapist that can give you some guidance? Thinking of you...

Thanks for this!
sunsurfandsand
  #3  
Old May 17, 2017, 01:54 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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Thanks Jennifer,
We have had marriage counselling in the past and we have both had individual counselling. This is not a new thing....it just seems to be getting to me more lately....as long as everything is going his way and I don't rock the boat...he is fine....I think that's why I never try to talk to him about anything anymore.
I thought this situation warranted bringing up.....I do pick my battles....this was big to me. There is a lot more..but trying to manage one thing at a time
  #4  
Old May 17, 2017, 02:03 PM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsurfandsand View Post
Thanks Jennifer,
We have had marriage counselling in the past and we have both had individual counselling. This is not a new thing....it just seems to be getting to me more lately....as long as everything is going his way and I don't rock the boat...he is fine....I think that's why I never try to talk to him about anything anymore.
I thought this situation warranted bringing up.....I do pick my battles....this was big to me. There is a lot more..but trying to manage one thing at a time
Do you have any family members or friends who could support you? You're always welcome to vent here and there are lots of people who will support you.

  #5  
Old May 17, 2017, 02:18 PM
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MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
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I'm really sorry.. that's very rude of him
Thanks for this!
sunsurfandsand
  #6  
Old May 17, 2017, 02:54 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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This was just a tip of the iceberg.....there is so much more.
I have come to the conclusion that he doesn't love or respect me
  #7  
Old May 17, 2017, 02:55 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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I try not to get my family and friends involved......
  #8  
Old May 17, 2017, 02:58 PM
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That kind of behaviour would be unacceptable for me. I'd consider it a form of abuse or bullying at the very least. I am sorry you had to go through that.

Are you otherwise happy in this relationship? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man?
Thanks for this!
sunsurfandsand
  #9  
Old May 17, 2017, 03:00 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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That is a very good question.....life is so short.
That's the problem.....there are some good times that keep me holding on
My kids are all adults now so they aren't keeping me here....very confused right now
I feel a bit trapped.....holding out for the good times but hating the bad
  #10  
Old May 17, 2017, 03:07 PM
Anonymous55397
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsurfandsand View Post
That is a very good question.....life is so short.
That's the problem.....there are some good times that keep me holding on
My kids are all adults now so they aren't keeping me here....very confused right now
I feel a bit trapped.....holding out for the good times but hating the bad
I hear you.
I got out of an unhealthy relationship about a couple of months ago that lasted for almost 3 years because I decided that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with this person. It was a very good decision for me and I never regret it. Now I am in a healthy relationship and it is going very well.

I guess what I am trying to say is, life is short like you said, but it isn't too late to make changes that are best for you. It's never easy to leave a long-term relationship because there is the feeling of "I've wasted so much time with this person", but I'd like to think that we learn valuable lessons from these unhealthy relationships.

Regardless of what you decide, I hope you find happiness!
Thanks for this!
adashofhope
  #11  
Old May 17, 2017, 03:25 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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Thank you scared and confused.
I don't actually think I have wasted all these years with him
I got my four beautiful children, and I kept hoping for the good times....and forgiving the bad.
Not as easy now...that's why I am in this situation.
Thanks everybody for the positive affirmation.
  #12  
Old May 17, 2017, 05:21 PM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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Time to weigh your pros and cons me thinks.

If you're waiting for the good, might as well check what your chances are.

I read this somewhere: Just because you've been making a mistake for a long time, doesn't mean you have to continue making it.

PS him showing no concern or remorse for tripping you shows utter disregard foe your feelings and wellbeing as well as complete disrespect for you as a human being.
Thanks for this!
sunsurfandsand, ~Christina
  #13  
Old May 17, 2017, 06:30 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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The mentality I am dealing with is this. I have been trying to get him to stop a couple of really bad habits....for quite a few years now.....It has caused a lot of problems and him flying off the handle ....saying it's my house I ll do what I want.
He bites the skin from around his nails and drops it beside his chair....there are others but this is the worst. I have even compromised by putting a container on the side table where he sits so he can put it in there and keep it off the floor....A few months ago I called him on constantly belittling me by call me a baby or child or telling me to grow up. I kept asking him to stop....he said....well you stop bugging me about my habits and I ll stop calling you names....what does one have to do with the other....
Thanks for this!
~Christina
  #14  
Old May 17, 2017, 07:17 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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If someone was doing this to one of your kids what advice would you offer them ?
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
  #15  
Old May 17, 2017, 07:25 PM
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sunsurfandsand sunsurfandsand is offline
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Christina
I know where you are going with this....I would tell them to cut their losses and move on....nobody deserves to be treated like this
Hugs from:
~Christina
  #16  
Old May 18, 2017, 12:51 AM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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Excellent, intelligent advice that comes from a place of caring.

Why not care about yourself too, try it, you just might like it.

Last edited by Trippin2.0; May 18, 2017 at 02:32 AM.
Thanks for this!
~Christina
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