Possible gaslighting??

Hi there! So thanks in advance for reading my kinda long story. Ok so everytime I try to do something nice for my bf of a year and a half he always makes it negative..and then my fault. It hurts my feelings an awful lot. When I tell him this he basically calls me dumb. Example...today I went out and got us both lunch. I asked what he wanted he said "burger medium rare." So that's what I got. I bring it home he immediately finds something wrong with it. "It's too done." So now its my fault. I didn't check it before I left the restaurant so I'm "dumb" for doing so. I tell him all I was trying to do was something special for him and his response "well you didn't get what I asked you for." This is just one example. There's dozens more stories like this. I really am coming at my witts end. I go out of my way to make him happy and then somehow I mess it up or I'm too stupid to figure it out. I told him today I can't take much more of this. I'm also dealing with the passing of my grandmother and father...most likely why I have put up with his behavior for so long.

He should be extra supportive and gentle with you over your loss. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. You don't deserve to be treated like that and I hope you will address it with him or walk away. You deserve better. Good luck and best wishes....

Yeeeeeshhhhh! It's unpleasant dealing with that kind of hypercritical behavior. If he has Asperger's maybe he's just stating a fact while being clueless about how you feel, otherwise, maybe he should just get his own burgers.

That's not gaslighting it's just selfish and self centered behavior.

You're not messing up, and you're not stupid. Your bf is just a guy who likes to whine. I really doubt if people like that ever change. Though they can be smart about who they pick to whine at. He knows you have your heart set on pleasing him, so he knows he can unsettle you by saying, "Nope, what you did just wasn't good enough." He probably doesn't whine too much at people who really don't care how he feels about anything. Since you care for him, of course you care about pleasing him. But you need to decide that, if you make a good faith effort to do something nice for him, you're not going to feel bad, if he picks it apart with complaints. Of course, you will be disappointed, but don't let him totally bring you down. Tell yourself, "I did what I could, and that's all I can do." It wouldn't be wrong to flat out tell him he's being rude. He is being rude. You have a right to hold him to some basic standard of being decent toward you. He's like a petulant child. Treat him as such. Tell him like you would a mean little kid. Say he better either thank you for the effort you make, or not expect you to do anything.

I don't blame you for sticking around so long especially in such a vulnerable time of your life (my deepest apologies for your losses), but just keep in mind your worth. This guy is no good for your self esteem or your general character as you're being made to feel not good enough in situations where you're already going out of your way to be generous. If he doesn't want to hear it, if you're able to get the courage to do so I'd suggest you leave him. This is a time you need support, not attacks from someone that's manipulating you.

You deserve better that this shytty human being

I couldn't associate with an individual who behaves like that...

Are you benefitting or gaining anything by remaining in this relationship? Also, what is the likelihood of this individual changing/altering his curent ways/behavior? These are rhetorical questions but ones I feel would be important to ask yourself, given the circumstances...

Not gaslighting, just a$$holing.