[elevatedsoul]

aight so apparently i have a problem...

i've only ever had 1 relationship and that was a long *** distance relationship... lasted like 4-10 years i cant even say these days because of my other mental health issues messing with my memory...

everyone tells me that i am very nice, caring, sweet, fun, interesting, very good looking, ect ect ect

which i know i am kind, caring, nice, and sweet because its what i do... i dont treat people like **** just because i dont want to be treated that way...
im honest and i try to keep it real...

i've got alot of stuff goin on upstairs i know, depression and anxiety...

but i just cant understand how someone with all of these "qualities" that everyone continues to tell me that i have remains to be single and has always been alone, so what am i doing wrong?

do i just put off a bad vibe? if so why does everyone tell me these nice things about myself?

do i just scare off girls? how?

do i just let off that i am not interested in them at all ?

usually they dont even approach me, or when i approach them they dont seem very interested, are they just intimidated? or uncomfortable?

whats my problem? geez...

[DodgersMom]

i so relate. honestly. i am 35 and never even been on a date. i am horrible at maintaining friendships. i know it has to be something with me...even if its just some vibe i put off to others.

i know i fear getting really close to anyone but i don't mind having friends and i wouldn't mind dating, its just that...any time i do hang out with friends, it lasts a few yrs tops and they are outta my life

i don't get it

i wish i had better answers for you. just to say though you are not alone

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I see all of your posts but never know what to say because I don't feel like I have the right words.

I think it would be wise to focus on yourself, your life and improving your mental health before even thinking about getting into a long-term relationship. You need to be at a certain level of stability to be able to be in a healthy relationship, and I'm sure you want to be at that level first.

[elevatedsoul]

true that....

i just wish sometimes that i had someone to help me along the way....

its so hard dealing with this **** alone...

but who am i to put some nice girl through hell

[elevatedsoul]

i mean its just i've never been held before and sometimes i feel like i really just need to be held by someone that deeply loves and cares for me...

dunno how thats ever gonna happen at this rate

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I see all of your posts but never know what to say because I don't feel like I have the right words.

I think it would be wise to focus on yourself, your life and improving your mental health before even thinking about getting into a long-term relationship. You need to be at a certain level of stability to be able to be in a healthy relationship, and I'm sure you want to be at that level first.

I agree. Good luck and best wishes.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand how you feel, but try to focus on yourself at the moment. Perhaps you can try getting better at friendships, as well.

[elevatedsoul]

well speaking on that part, i have another problem...

when trying to develop friendships

i either push people away or try to get close too fast

i scare people off because of this

im trying to find a balance but its difficult, i guess its part of being borderline?

im still trying to learn...

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

well speaking on that part, i have another problem...

when trying to develop friendships

i either push people away or try to get close too fast

i scare people off because of this

im trying to find a balance but its difficult, i guess its part of being borderline?

im still trying to learn...

I do this too, I seem to want to get close to people instantly, if I don't see the immediate reaction from them that they are interested, then I just give up and consider that they don't want me. I sometimes try a bit more just to torture myself and then conclude that I'm not good enough for them.
People do get scared off by wanting to get close too fast, apparently, but we do this maybe, the wanting to get close fast, because we need the reasurrance that they will like us.
You seem to be a really sensitive person and in need for a deep emotional connection and I believe that there are people who will honour that and who will meet your needs and make you happy, and love you for who you are. I know it seems impossible to find someone like this, but I believe that if we try to honour ourselves and accept ourselves (which is so hard) then there is much hope.

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

usually they dont even approach me, or when i approach them they dont seem very interested, are they just intimidated? or uncomfortable?

I have the same problem. I have often said that the easiest thing in the world is to be invisible. It seems like if I just exist no one sees me and I can become totally invisible... even sitting right in the middle of it all.

When I speak everyone says it adds to the discussion but it is as if when I go quiet they forget I am there... or can't see me.

Sometimes it feels like to exist as I see in tv shows etc I would have to grab people and make them pay attention to me all day long.