[GreenBlueRed]

This is something I struggle with. Mostly, the only people aggressive towards me are middle aged, white males that I barely know.

Just the other day, I was talking in a group of people, and a man in the group spontaneously said, "I want to punch you in the face right now." My fiancé was sitting right there, but he didn't seem to hear. So there was this awkward silence and I was apparently properly shut up (I was mentioning a tv show is all) and the conversation carried on.

It really bothered me and I didn't know what to say. No one seemed to care.

This happens sort of frequently - I had a stranger in a park yell obsenties at me for no reason. He may have had mental issues. I had a drunk man at a wedding try to sexually assault me in front of a group of people, but at least someone stepped in to help that time.

I just don't know how a I am supposed to react to stuff like this. It feels awful.

[Sunflower123]

I don't know what to advise you but I wanted to lend my support and say how sorry I am that this is happening to you. I don't have a clue. I hope others have good advice for you. The strangers you can't ask but you could ask the acquaintances why they felt the need to behave that way toward you. I am really interested in why that man wanted to punch you in the face. It's so odd and random. The guy in the park may very well be mentally ill and the guy at the wedding was drunk and acted disgustingly but I can see how those things occurred. I don't understand the last guy's actions. Can you ignore them as best you can without getting upset? You aren't the problem....they are. Best wishes....

[GreenBlueRed]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I don't know what to advise you but I wanted to lend my support and say how sorry I am that this is happening to you. I don't have a clue. I hope others have good advice for you. The strangers you can't ask but you could ask the acquaintances why they felt the need to behave that way toward you. I am really interested in why that man wanted to punch you in the face. It's so odd and random. The guy in the park may very well be mentally ill and the guy at the wedding was drunk and acted disgustingly but I can see how those things occurred. I don't understand the last guy's actions. Can you ignore them as best you can without getting upset? You aren't the problem....they are. Best wishes....

Thank you for the support.

The most recent incident was with a non-immediate family member's husband whom I only see at family gatherings once a year or so. He is just sort of mean and seems to hate me in particular. He has said this to me before, the previous time he said he wanted to hit me because I was "watching people throw football instead of participating". I don't know why he said it to me when other family members were also watching instead of participating. Maybe he thinks it is flirting in an overbearing way. It is gross and uncomfortable whatever it is.

It sounds like these are toxic people that you should avoid like the plague.

If they are in your life than kick them out if possible. Otherwise, if you absolutely have to interact with them, do it around witnesses that way if a fight were to break out you could have them thrown in jail.

Always have a plan and always assume the worst when dealing with hostile people and you can't go wrong.

[Sunflower123]

I'm so sorry. That man sounds unstable. I hope you can keep your distance or as the previous poster said, have witnesses. It's not you....it's those creeps.

[MrMoose]

A friend and I were walking along some dark street after the bars had closed (ok, a couple of decades ago) and some hopeless homeless guy sprawled out on the street yells up at us "string-cheese-head-mo****f****r!!"--my friend got insulted and wanted to go back and fight him but, really, sometimes people are just completely and totally out of their mind. Really, who just ups and says "I want to punch you in the face"?? Only someone who is completely and totally out of his mind. I don't know you but really truly, it isn't you.

[GreenBlueRed]

Originally Posted by MrMoose

A friend and I were walking along some dark street after the bars had closed (ok, a couple of decades ago) and some hopeless homeless guy sprawled out on the street yells up at us "string-cheese-head-mo****f****r!!"--my friend got insulted and wanted to go back and fight him but, really, sometimes people are just completely and totally out of their mind. Really, who just ups and says "I want to punch you in the face"?? Only someone who is completely and totally out of his mind. I don't know you but really truly, it isn't you.

I would probably find that one amusing, as it isn't really personally attacking you, it is just being strange. Strange is fun. I am not so easily upset, honestly.

The man yelling at me in the park was making mean comments about me, and was being physically threatening like he was going to charge me. I pretty much felt like I had to run from him. I am a small wimpy female, so dudes coming at me like that is no fun at all.

What bothers me about it is how long it sticks with me afterwards. I just want the feeling of being threatened to go away quickly, but it takes a long time to get the residue off. I dunno, maybe I was hoping someone out there has a good strategy for handling it. The best I have done sometimes is to disarm them with humor.

Hmm, you write you are a small female, I'm guessing you are young and attractive too. Some guys just act like jerks when they find women attractive - not that it should be excused, but that is likely the reason behind it. It's pathetic really.

As for how to handle it, well humour is good if you feel okay about that, sometimes a very polite mannered response can throw them off guard too. But mostly just keep yourself safe, you're smart you will know when there is possible danger.

Shrugging it off can be hard but I think if you give yourself credit for handling it, focus on what you did right (kept calm, got away etc) that might help.

[GreenBlueRed]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Shrugging it off can be hard but I think if you give yourself credit for handling it, focus on what you did right (kept calm, got away etc) that might help.

I haven't been thinking of it like that, thank you. I focus on what I did wrong (or rather, what could have been done differently), and that probably makes it worse - focusing on what I did right would allow it to pass from my thoughts more quickly so I can get over it.

That is really good advice.

I feel like I might have this a little. All my life I have noticed there are certain men who flat out hate me immediately. I mean when I use that word... I mean I actually fear they could hurt me if they got the chance. I can't even imagine what I might have done and sometimes have hardly talked to them. I have wondered if I have a smell or a pheromone that sets them off. Or there could be a look to me that scares them or something. But it isn't that way with all men. I would say about 7% of men react this way to me. I have considered that maybe they are secretly attracted but, I really doubt that. I feel it has something to do with my being over weight? But I am not that overweight.

I guess I will never know.

[GreenBlueRed]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

I feel like I might have this a little. All my life I have noticed there are certain men who flat out hate me immediately. I mean when I use that word... I mean I actually fear they could hurt me if they got the chance. I can't even imagine what I might have done and sometimes have hardly talked to them. I have wondered if I have a smell or a pheromone that sets them off. Or there could be a look to me that scares them or something. But it isn't that way with all men. I would say about 7% of men react this way to me. I have considered that maybe they are secretly attracted but, I really doubt that. I feel it has something to do with my being over weight? But I am not that overweight.

I guess I will never know.

I doubt it is you. Those men might be that way with a lot of people.

Thinking about it further, my cousin whom married the "punch you in the face" guy also has aggressive tendencies herself and seems to associate with those kinds of people in general. Even at their wedding, her Maid of Honor stood next to me as I caught the bouquet, and she said, "I was going to push you out of the way so I could catch it, but I decided I would let you have it." Ok, you have established that you are alpha female and I am subordinate female receiving favor, because you are a generous alpha.

I guess there are just those people out there that like to fight and establish dominance and pecking orders.