[sunsurfandsand]

This is not a new thing happening in my marriage.
When I try to talk about something that is bothering me , my husband accuses me of picking a fight. He flatly refuses to talk about anything and will not give me a chance to express the way I am feeling. Even in the bedroom....I will let him know respectfully what turns me on and he replies" don't tell me what to do ". I give myself a 24 hour cooling off period, I approach him in a respectful manner and still he says that I am never happy and always complaining about something. Not true.....I brush a lot of stuff under the carpet and pick my battles. I feel very frustrated and unheard.

[eskielover]

This has been going on for how long? Sounds like you have a very insensitive H to your needs & feelings. Is this REALLY how he thinks marriage should be? Very arrogant & domineering attitude which doesn't reflect any love for you.

[Crazy Hitch]

Half the men in the world would love to know what women want in the bedroom!

Your man has issues.

[continuosly blue]

I have the exact same problem with my wife. I know exactly why she's that way.
1. She REALLY doesn't WANT to have sex with me !
2. She's very insensitive to my feelings, calling me " too needy ".
3. She is unfortunately one of those people who don't know how to share
their feelings. Literally.
I could probably go on but I think you get the picture. I can tell you from experience that if situation does not get worked out someway, trouble lies ahead. Frustration is very frustrating.
I can't deal with people who are so insensitive, or can't talk about their REAL feelings. Got no time for them.
Good luck to you and your relationship.

[Artchic528]

Question, why not separate for a while?

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having a tough situation with your husband. What kind of relationship is possible with him not respecting your needs and desires? At some point you're going to feel undervalued and disrespected. What about what the other poster said about separating for a period to give you some space to think thing through and him to learn to appreciate you?

[sunsurfandsand]

This has been going on for decades....I thought I was doing right by keeping the peace and keeping things together for the kids sake. I know I haven't done them any favours.
He has verbally and emotionally disrespected me all our marriage too.....I just kept hanging on to the good times and moving on and brushing the bad times under the carpet,
I can't do that any more. I can't even talk to him about how I am feeling cuz he ll just shut me down again

[sunsurfandsand]

All is well in his world as long as I don't rock the boat.....including bringing things up that bother me. He can be in a great mood one minute and as soon as I do or say something he doesn't like....he switches in an instant.

[Artchic528]

Honestly, I would pack my bags and head for someplace else to stay for a few nights.

[sunsurfandsand]

Thanks for the advice.... I think leaving for a few days is the only way he is going to know I am serious......I have contributed to this mess by allowing it.....but I won't/can't allow it to go on.

[~Christina]

Do you have a Therapist that YOU can talk about all these years of what I consider his disrespct towards you ????

Life is too short to be treated so poorly

[eskielover]

I would plan for more than a few days. This guy doesnt sound like he cares whether you are serious or not. After all those years I would plan on making the get away permanent because he is not about to change or he would hsve been willing to listen to you already. Your leaving will probably just make him mad & being safely awsy from someone like that is critical.

[sunsurfandsand]

Christina .....you are right about the therapist....why have I tolerated this kind of behaviour all these years... to keep the family together...yes....but I probably haven't done them any favours by doing this.
eskielover....I agree it will not make a difference for a few days.....and he will probably never change.....I think the clincher was the fact that I got physically hurt this time....where as before it was all verbal and emotional, which are more insidious....but the physical was the last straw.....
Thank you both for your support

[~Christina]

Way too much abuse!!!! any abuse is to much, and it always gets worse over time.

I would talk to a Therapist and consult a lawyer about your right to half of what you have together.. Home , Retirement, savings, personal belongings etc

It probably seems like too much to handle... But a T can help you back on your feet and advocating for your self across the board.

You do deserve much better.