[Jellyfish18]

Hi, I moved into a room in a flat with other girls. Here is the thing, I don't feel like I can get close to them. I tried but even small talk didn't go far in a way... I just ask "how are you", "how was your day", and it goes nowhere. Outside it is also difficult to make any friends for some reason. I feel bored and isolated and I start to sleep only. I don't know what to do with my time, I just sleep, it does not feel like I can do anything else and I don't want to be alone.
The first year I was at university, I should have enjoyed but I slept for a whole year mainly. I stayed in my room. I am not anxious necessarily but it just doesn't feel like I can get close to people. I can't enjoy with them.
Please help, because I can't live like this any longer. What should I do? I am seeing a therapist but it costs a lot of money and doesn't even help.

[Jellyfish18]

I frequently also neglect myself, like not shower for some days and just sleep with my shoes on. It just feels like everything is going nowhere and what I do doesn't make a difference. I can't get close to people. I can only stay on the surface. I can't imagine to get further than "how are you", and nobody invites me to do so.

[Hobbit House]

Some days it's hard to get motivated to do anything, get out of bed, take a shower, leave your room. I know this feeling too. There are days where I have to do the same thing. Stick with it. Get in a routine. That should make it easier. Good luck!

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Some of the things you say seem like symptoms of depression. Is it possible for you to get a diagnosis?

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

Some days it's hard to get motivated to do anything, get out of bed, take a shower, leave your room. I know this feeling too. There are days where I have to do the same thing. Stick with it. Get in a routine. That should make it easier. Good luck!

Even if I have a routine, I still feel desperately alone and lonely. I am not depressed, I am just alone and lacking every support imaginable.
I spoke to mother many times to ask for help. Many times she says "I have no plan" and now her only idea is to pay someone to hang out with me. She just does not care.

It really does sound like you have: "Major depressive disorder (MDD), defined as a mental disorder characterized by at least two weeks of low mood that is present across most situations. It is often accompanied by low self-esteem, loss of interest in normally enjoyable activities, low energy, and pain without a clear cause." When you have it, the best cure is a friend that really cares yet it is harder to make friends when you have it -- a classic Catch 22 situation. Seeing if a T can help you first is a good idea but since that hasn't worked, it may be time to consider (if you haven't yet) speaking to a psychologist so you can see if meds help. Exercise also helps but may not be enough. Depression feels terrible, I hope you can emerge from it soon!

[UppyDowny]

I understand some of your feelings because I have/do experience them myself. In therapy also, but starting to help. There's a lot at play in here. I will start off by saying I'm no expert, but considering you asked for help and find it expensive to go to a therapist, I choose to answer from my many experiences. These symptoms are probably from a multiple of things. First, it sounds like you are suffering from depression to some degree. It may not "feel" like depression, but that doesn't mean it's not. Look up some blogs on it on NAMI etc. to see what I mean. Staying in bed for a year and not feeling motivation is a serious thing. Second, your not be able to make or keep friends smacks of Borderline Personality Disorder. Again, check it out on NAMI or here. Do the BPD quiz and see what it says. Remember, just because it says or doesn't say doesn't mean that it's accurate. Your new roomies have feelings and problems just like you. They may be the types that take a long time (if ever) to get to be friends. They may choose not to be due to having enough relationships to content with. Try to see first how they could be perceiving you from THEIR eyes instead of hating on yourself. Then ask if there are things you might be doing that could be perceived as pushy, intrusive or rude. I do this. I pour my life and soul out to strangers and don't know why they reject me. I'm BPD. Get a book on Dialectical Behavior Therapy and work hard daily at doing the exercises in it. It's one of a few that actually can heal BPD, if you have it. These things won't happen overnight. You didn't get here in a week. It will take time. And be kind to yourself by doing 2 things (1) start doing positive, uplifting self talk....I'm worthy of love...I say interesting things....I am good enough. (2) If you need to talk and wish to give your roommates some space for now, try calling the "warm" lines that are available. These aren't suicide prevention, but more chatting when you are upset, lonely, med trouble etc. It's free and helpful. Google it. There could be very serious issues here, and you may have to work hard to discover them. Remember that you're worth it. The only you that you have is the top priority. Hugs. Sorry you're feeling this way.

[Sunflower123]

You mention that you sleep a lot. This is another possible sign of depression. If your therapist is not helpful you could try to find another one or if it's not helpful at all then stop. I had to go through several therapists to find the right one but she really helps me a great deal.

Would you be willing to have at least one appointment with a psychiatrist to rule in or out depression or anything else?

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

You mention that you sleep a lot. This is another possible sign of depression. If your therapist is not helpful you could try to find another one or if it's not helpful at all then stop. I had to go through several therapists to find the right one but she really helps me a great deal.

Would you be willing to have at least one appointment with a psychiatrist to rule in or out depression or anything else?

I agree...seeing a psychiatrist could be a big help. I grew up very similar to you. Just couldn't think up reasons to get up. I'm still not the most socially adjusted man in the world, but I'm improving a little bit day by day. You can too!

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

I agree...seeing a psychiatrist could be a big help. I grew up very similar to you. Just couldn't think up reasons to get up. I'm still not the most socially adjusted man in the world, but I'm improving a little bit day by day. You can too!

I don't have depression really. I spoke to a doctor. I do not feel depressed either. I simply cannot get close to people and feel alone and unsupported. I start conversations and they go nowhere. It makes me feel bad. I sleep because I do not know what to do (what hobbies etc.) and also because I can't get close to people and it's hard to work only and come back to an empty house.
By the way, what do you think about her paying for someone to hang out with me? How does that look?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nina_Xxx

I don't have depression really. I spoke to a doctor. I do not feel depressed either. I simply cannot get close to people and feel alone and unsupported. I start conversations and they go nowhere. It makes me feel bad. I sleep because I do not know what to do (what hobbies etc.) and also because I can't get close to people and it's hard to work only and come back to an empty house.
By the way, what do you think about her paying for someone to hang out with me? How does that look?

Did the doctor rule other things out as well? I don't have any advise for you but to make a routine each day of things you enjoy doing like exercising or going to the movies etc. and build a fulfilling life now and see who you meet along the way or who shows up. What about inviting your roommates out to coffee or dinner (Dutch of course)?

I think your mom trying to pay someone to spend time with you is her attempt to fix the loneliness problem.

Is it your first year in college? This is an adjustment period for many and why so many gain the "Freshman 10" (10 pounds of weight your first year in college). It takes some people a while to learn to "self regulate". I didn't say to myself "I am depressed" during that time in my life but my roomates did. They would see me fall into way before I ever did--I would only notice when it got bad. Maybe you aren't depressed but it IS important to try to keep yourself on schedule (maybe you are). I would run, swim laps and/or go to aerobics classes nearly everyday in addition to rarely missing a class--most of these things I did by myself--you may need to try to force yourself to do some activities. If you are not depressed, this should be very possible. When I joined AFROTC at the end of my sophmore year, I had instant social things to do (marches, intraservice sports, fundraising, an annual all day hike up a steep mountain, etc.) and, unlike a sorority, they paid me to participate. Also, I could not find a part time job until the 2nd semester of my freshman year--it is harder to find as many great things to do when you are broke. Sometimes I think of yoga classes as a way to pay to hang our with others LOL--many colleges provide free fitness classes as part of your tuition. Also, when you pick your major and start more specialized classes--you start seeing all the same faces in your classes. If you are in a big university--some of your classes might have 1,000 people in one class--this makes it harder to make friends. Junior and senior classes have a more "family like" feel to them because your career goals are more similiar. If it is your first year--hang in there--it will get better......

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

I agree...seeing a psychiatrist could be a big help. I grew up very similar to you. Just couldn't think up reasons to get up. I'm still not the most socially adjusted man in the world, but I'm improving a little bit day by day. You can too!

By the way, Hobbit House, how do you live now? Do you have a lot of friends? Do you have your own house? Do you have a job?
How was your childhood, probably not the best or...?