Since I'm here.

I mentioned in my previous post about the "recent relationship" incident. It's a whirlwind... something.

I met her just randomly. Bumped into her on a job, she had walked to the store.. it was hot outside and I made a comment about some fool letting her walk in this heat. I got that "what are you hitting on me look". Well... yeah. I was but I'm not in no way that upfront about it and I went straight to shy mode. Well I ended up with her number and we texted and went out and well, it's been a month, well less than a month and she hasn't left my side. I mean she has friends. There is more of a backstory there too but suffice it to say she is working on her own stuff.

Well we decided since she moved in so quickly, no sex for a while. Great idea. I liked it. But really quickly for her the cuddling and affection got overwhelming and I ended up moving her in the spare room. She continually did things that triggered my abandonment issues and every time I would try to talk to her she would tell me to just relax, quit overthinking things so much. (My OCD has been extremely active lately). This went on and on and something happened and she said I did something and I reminded her of her ex. I stopped dead. She left (had made plans with friends anyway).

Yesterday we talked. I finally asked her to just sit and talk to me. This wasn't working. I explained my situation and what was going on and she even opened up. And I understood her side, she understands mine. And honestly we are both coming from the same place, just different paths.

I want her around. She brings sooooo much to my life. I almost ran her off with my incessant babbling and overthinking. We right now are in a good place. I know she isn't in a place to "date" but isn't going anywhere. I know she likes me and possibly wants more. I've felt that kiss.

But that was in the beginning.

Now she knows I kinda want the physical (cuddling/affection) and says she doesn't mind me dating.

Is it wrong to not date, knowing that in the end she may not even want me and that I might have to deal with that? I don't want to say I would not date to be hopeful, I'd want to not date to work on me, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't hopeful.

Ok. What does she bring to my life?

I enjoy her conversation. We can talk about anything. And he more we talk, the broader our conversations go. She takes care of me and does things without me even asking... because she wants to. I find myself doing things without thinking. Because I want to. For her. For us.

I asked her what she wanted. She just said she wasn't in a place to be in a relationship but she wasn't going anywhere.

And she knows how much I miss the feeling of her being in my bed.

Do I just co-habitate and continue working on me, and see?

Or take her advice and date while I'm working on myself? I just think it would be disrespectful.

Wait....it's been less than a month and you're already living together? You're moving WAY too fast. A good relationship NEEDS a solid foundation on which to build and grow. By allowing her into your life and home this quickly, you're moving too fast to build this foundation.

It's an odd situation. We cohabitate. She does her own thing and I do mine. It's just friends just kind of hanging. We don't sleep together. Even in the same room. Lol. I haven't even seen her naked. So. We are roommates that there are feelings. This is where she would tell me to stop overthinking and just relax.

You said you missed her being in the bed with you though.

When she first moved in we did sleep in the same bed. Don't mean anything was happening. Was agreed upon up front and I was ok with it. I won't go into why but thru my overthinking stuff we are in separate rooms.

I don't want to hear "too fast". No one ever knows that or when or where they will meet their partner. I never said we were anything. Everyone says "moved in" and jumps to conclusions. Yes it was a whirlwind but we are in a very comfortable place as friends.

Honestly I don't want to "date". If I did, I'd want to date her, and I honestly think she feels the same way. (This is the meat of it if it even makes sense)

But I want to go out and do stuff, but she doesn't necessarily want to be the one I'm dragging around all the time. She needs her space and privacy.

I'm more comfortable around females, actually I deal with males so damned much at work I just want female friends. And it's a hell of a lot nicer if you fall asleep cuddled up.

I just don't want sex.

But how do I go about all this without feeling like I'm leading anyone on, her or anyone else?

Or overthinking all this. I want to be able to go out and enjoy doing things while I'm working on myself.

Why did you allow her to move in and share your bed if it wasn't to date her? You can't have cuddles without dating her. Cuddles with friends is just odd.

You're confusing the hell out of me, so I'm pretty sure you confused the hell out of her already.

One of those comfortable what the hell lets just do this moments.

I still do not regret it. I'd actually like to date her if we get back to that point. Both of our issues kind of brought up problems quick, which is understandable. But at the moment we are friends.

I've never let anyone in before. I've always been afraid of commitment. To have someone living in my house and to open myself up like that, so quickly... for me... is unheard of. I'm the type to run women off at the sheer thought of any kind of commitment. At all.

And yet I feel completely safe with her. And I don't know why. And I don't know if I want to question it.

Yes, it's confusing. But I am trying to calm myself down and start looking at things differently.

She is being good to me. Taking care of things I don't have time to do, being a good roommate. I damn sure don't want to loose that. At a minimum.

Yeah, don't do "what the hell" moments. Those inevitably lead to heartache and disaster. She was probably expecting sex, and since you didn't deliver, she was confused as all hell and now doesn't know what to think of you.

I'm sorry, but this whole situation just reeks of desperateness and her wanting sex.

Actually she brought up the no sex thing, which I agreed to and honestly was ok with. I know it reeks of desperation but I wasn't looking when we met. But even though we had this no sex conversation it was probably still expected?

You kind of answered your own question. You both want different things out of this relationship. I agree you should work on yourself if you feel you need to. You mentioned you don't want to date anybody else. Is there any possibility of getting out of the friend zone with her? If there is, work on that and don't date anyone else. It will complicate things. If you feel there's little chance then dating someone else would be fine but keep in mind the other female might not understand or accept the fact that you're living with a female. If she had the no sex talk with you then no I don't think sex was expected. Good luck.

Thank you. And it's not so much dating "anyone else". I wasn't before, I'm not so sure I'd be dating if she wasn't around right now. Is more than friend zone possible? I dunno. Maybe.

I guess I was just wanting more than I could really have. I have just been craving affection/cuddling bad lately and maybe that is something I need to put on the back burner for a while. And figure out why I'm wanting it so bad.

Ok. So things have finally come to a conclusion with the roommate.

She is not in no way interested in a relationship with anyone. Ok. So. There were some other issues to work out but, we are roommates.

So. I've got to work through my grieving because, yes it hurts. Because yes I had hopes. But. I'm ok with it cause I know now.

Not like potential dates will understand but.