[DodgersMom]

please tell me it's not just me...

i have major issues with being touched and touching people. a lot of it has to do with childhood emotional abuse/neglect and then being bullied in school and made to feel like a loser.

due to all this, I've never dated or anything, not even held hands with someone. i sometimes wish i could go on a date, for the experience, at 35, its a bit silly i've never done it, but the anxiety is too much.

my therapist has started working a little with me on hugs... he asks if he can hug me and it happened 2 times so far. my first real hugs ever. sad but true.

the last time we hugged on fri, i was ok with him hugging me, but i realized, i actually almost apologized when i realized i was touching his back it then hit me how bad the issue is... and i still wanna work on the hugging more with him, because i trust him and i do plan to tell him about this realization, but i feel stuck...

beyond hugs with him, how is someone like me, with massive trust issues supposed to ever get past this other stuff to be "normal" i can't ask him to do more "Touchy" stuff as most of it is likely not ethical (and i do not mean sexual anything, i mean like arm touching etc)

i feel so weird, so hopeless.... is anyone else like this? am i just insane? any advice on how to work on it or what i should tell my therapist beyond my feeling bad about touching him?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry. Please know that you're not insane: it's perfectly normal that you'd feel the way you do after what you've been through. So please don't feel guilty about that. You're already doing your best by talking with your therapist - so be honest with her. That's all the advice I have, unfortunately :/

[Sunflower123]

You are making progress by giving/receiving hugs with your therapist. Talk to your therapist about what you posted here, take baby steps and keep moving forward. I'm sorry that you had such a difficult childhood that it is hampering you now. You're taking positive steps and you'll get there. Best wishes.

[Altarian]

Because i grew up in a family where males never show emotion and only hug people like your mother, grandmother, great grand mother I actually go out of my way not to touch or be touched when outside my house. Also some things with my first marriage really messed me up with the idea of physical contact with another person. the guys at work think it's funny especially after one of them accidentally ran into me and i lost my freaking mind on him. with my wife and kids it's another story because that's just how we are. You are not insane or anything wrong with you. there is a chance you have Haphephobia but i'm not a licensed medical provider so don't trust me on that. It takes many many baby steps and no the beyond hug is not ethical for your therapist to help you with. I wish you luck and as Jennifer said, keep moving forward.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by Altarian

. there is a chance you have Haphephobia but i'm not a licensed medical provider so don't trust me on that. It takes many many baby steps and no the beyond hug is not ethical for your therapist to help you with. I wish you luck and as Jennifer said, keep moving forward.

i will talk with him about this tomorrow... but unsure how to ask about other touch stuff, i feel if i say i want to work on others, it will come off sounding sexual, which is the last thing i'd even want right now anyway, i'd run away screaming lol

i honestly would probably cry trying to hold his hand, just thinking of that gives me anxiety, i am not sure i can ever do that with anyone.

i am glad to know i am not alone though, i feel nuts and there is not much on google about this issue.

the hugs are a good small step but I'm still overthinking and anxious about it, i want to be able to just be in the moment and experience it, hopefully someday i can

[Altarian]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

i will talk with him about this tomorrow... but unsure how to ask about other touch stuff, i feel if i say i want to work on others, it will come off sounding sexual, which is the last thing i'd even want right now anyway, i'd run away screaming lol

i honestly would probably cry trying to hold his hand, just thinking of that gives me anxiety, i am not sure i can ever do that with anyone.

i am glad to know i am not alone though, i feel nuts and there is not much on google about this issue.

the hugs are a good small step but I'm still overthinking and anxious about it, i want to be able to just be in the moment and experience it, hopefully someday i can

I hope someday you can feel these other physical aspects with someone you can trust enough to not be triggered. I still get triggered at times when i've had a long day around a lot of people. But you should be proud that you took the first step with hug. Take it at your own comfort level and speed.

[88Butterfly88]

I can totally relate. I was abused as a child and touch is a trigger for me. If people bump into me I get paranoid they are attacking me.

[DodgersMom]

guys i am so disappointed in myself.

i told my therapist but i waited until near end of session. we didn't get to talk about it much but he did hug me and assured me "it is completely ok to touch me"

and then he said he would be willing to work with me on "safe touch" stuff in session because he thinks i can get through this

but i wish we had more time, i have so much more of this anguish built in me

i almost broke down crying and i had to tell him, i was not repulsed by him and its not him, i just feel this way about everything. i felt so bad. i really did.

Dodgersmom I think how you are feeling is understandable and if he is an experienced therapist he will understand.

You might be feeling extra bad about it at the moment because you are finally beginning to tackle it, and that is very challenging. I think you have made huge strides allowing him to touch you, but give yourself patience because this will take time.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

please tell me it's not just me...

i have major issues with being touched and touching people. a lot of it has to do with childhood emotional abuse/neglect and then being bullied in school and made to feel like a loser.

due to all this, I've never dated or anything, not even held hands with someone. i sometimes wish i could go on a date, for the experience, at 35, its a bit silly i've never done it, but the anxiety is too much.

my therapist has started working a little with me on hugs... he asks if he can hug me and it happened 2 times so far. my first real hugs ever. sad but true.

the last time we hugged on fri, i was ok with him hugging me, but i realized, i actually almost apologized when i realized i was touching his back it then hit me how bad the issue is... and i still wanna work on the hugging more with him, because i trust him and i do plan to tell him about this realization, but i feel stuck...

beyond hugs with him, how is someone like me, with massive trust issues supposed to ever get past this other stuff to be "normal" i can't ask him to do more "Touchy" stuff as most of it is likely not ethical (and i do not mean sexual anything, i mean like arm touching etc)

i feel so weird, so hopeless.... is anyone else like this? am i just insane? any advice on how to work on it or what i should tell my therapist beyond my feeling bad about touching him?

I know what you mean and I'm sorry you went through that. I hate being touched by family members and other people I dislike. I am okay with just a very few people touching me, none of them family members which may sound weird.

Would hugging perhaps be a step too much too soon? What about starting with something such as shaking hands?

Would you say you have a wide comfort zone? What if you were to concentrate on shrinking it little by little.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I know what you mean and I'm sorry you went through that. I hate being touched by family members and other people I dislike. I am okay with just a very few people touching me, none of them family members which may sound weird.

not at all, i am the same, the idea of touching anyone in my family is more terrifying then a random stranger hugging me

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Would hugging perhaps be a step too much too soon? What about starting with something such as shaking hands?

Would you say you have a wide comfort zone? What if you were to concentrate on shrinking it little by little.

no i am ok with the hugging, he asks me... he allows me to say no. i trust him enough so its been ok. we already shook hands the day we met, that doesnt phase me. its super brief.

i am just concerned about what other safe touch he has in mind to work on in the future, even just the idea of touching his arm or holding his hand gives me anxiety

the difference there for me, which is why hugging is "easier" is i dont have to see his face when i hug him.