It's always something

Me and my girl have been together for a little over eight months. I'm really starting to consider breaking up her. I love her to death and it will just about kill me. But she will not help herself. I have to push her in everything and it's starting to poison my mood. For example I have to remind her to take her meds every morning. I have to push her to call and make appointments with her therapist. I have to get her to call her doctor because she has tendonitis. It's so frustrating to be in this relationship at times.

A month and a half ago she went overseas to a field school that required a lot of physical labor. She thought she could handle going from very little physical activity to digging holes, moving rocks, and carrying buckets of dirt. Well she couldn't handle it and has been in constant pain since. She saw a doc overseas and was told she over extended her muscles and a few days bed rest is advised; she didn't listen. When she comes back she lays around in my house for over two weeks and wanders why she isn't getting better. I tell her to exercise a little bit. She refuses and even when a doctor tells her the same thing. She does nothing to help herself. Now it's all "my back hurts, my hips are killing me, I'm in so much pain, can you tub my back, etc..." I'm so over it

I just want to help her, but she doesn't want to help herself. I think I'm in a toxic relationship? Hell we haven't been intimate in almost two months

I know you said you love her to death but if she won't help herself you face more of the same and how long will it be before you start feeling resentful? You could have a heart to heart with her to see if that helps. She's got to pick up the pace and take responsibility for herself. Good luck and best wishes.

Not sure how you can love someone like that to death.....my love is based on my total relationship & respect for a person.....sounds like a REAL FOUNDATION to your relationship is non-existent. Nothing lasting can grow from a relationship with no foundation....& NO, LOVE is NOT the foundation a relationship is based on. Respect for how the other person behaves is the core foundation.

I experienced this in my own personal life....there were things that really bothered me about my fiancee's behavior I realized right before the wedding that caused me not to respect him (attitude issues). I rationalized it away.....regretted that choice for 33 years before I finally left....for exactly the same issues I had before the wedding. The lack of respect for him I went into the wedding with kept REAL LOVE from ever growing. I would suggest that you might experience a similar situation.

What is your girlfriend's diagnosis if you don't mind me asking? I see you said she takes meds and sees a therapist. Sometimes people regress a bit but it doesn't mean they can't go back to the place where they once were.

Thanks for your reply,

I wouldn't say our foundation is love. Our foundation is built on how we understand one another, the similar problems we face, and our outlook on life (well most the time) frankly I think I've come to start resenting her because I'm sick and tired of dealing with her problems.

She's been dealt a bad hand in life and its skewed her outlook on life. It has crossed my mind to take a break from one another until she gets her priorities in line. But her mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer a couple hours ago and I feel like that would tear her apart

She's bipolar with chronic depression and OCD. Very similar to me

Depression. That explains part of this to me. In my own experience I didn't want to do anything to help myself. Part of that was lack of motivation. A big part of that too was a poor sense of self-worth. I just didn't feel I was worth someone else's (doctor for example) time and effort.

An option is to stop dealing with them. It sounds like you function more as a home health aide than a significant other. You don't have to do all of those things. By not doing them, you make them her responsibility again.

How do increase her self-worth?

You can't do that for someone. It's something they have to come by themselves.

Validating her situations can help her but making her dependent on your care & taking her meds right does nothing but make them dependent on you.

Getting her to take responsibility & encourage her when she is doing a good job can help....others here may have some other good suggestions but in reality it is something she has to realize on her own & many people who are encouraging environments still have a lack of self-worth due to their past experiences & unless they do hard work to change their thinking it doesn't happen.