i was friend with two others a a guy and girl. i thought we were buddies. he had a secret relationship with her. he would ask me along as he did not want to beseen with her for some reason did not want people to know they were dating. it was on off . on our last outing he hugged her when i was gone to bathroom and stopped when he saw me returing. i found out a week later and told them both f*** off stop using me.

But i had grown to love her and now they are together.At one point she said she loved me and him but i think me as a friend. i am very depressed and suffer panic attacks about it

[iwonderaboutstuff]

That sucks.

[Catholicnun]

It's okay... You can't always get what you want. at least you're not those guys who make the girl feel bad for rejecting and say you're in the friend zone . That sucks though . This feeling will pass eventually

Originally Posted by Catholicnun

It's okay... You can't always get what you want. at least you're not those guys who make the girl feel bad for rejecting and say you're in the friend zone . That sucks though . This feeling will pass eventually

i think they did use me though. anyway they can go to hell

[~Christina]

I'm sorry you have been hurt. Keep posting. Welcome to PC

Does anyone know if avoidant personality disorder could apply to only sexual relationships? I do not care much what people think of me in general but if it is someone i like in a romantic/sexual way reject me it is very hurtful. It is very hurtful to think of her with him. when she told me she was with him i had panic attacks.

So much i now cut off all contact. Cannot be her friend.
I want to address this with hypnosis . What would i work for? Is it more self esteem?

Originally Posted by Catholicnun

It's okay... You can't always get what you want. at least you're not those guys who make the girl feel bad for rejecting and say you're in the friend zone . That sucks though . This feeling will pass eventually

Well i would be in friend zone if i accepted. She wanted that i said no

[CopperStar]

I get the impression that the big problem here is that these two people were behaving in a very bizarre, immature way and turned the whole thing into a game. That type of behavior is not normal and could make a lot of people in your shoes feel uneasy. I think you did a good thing for yourself by cutting ties and moving on.

Originally Posted by CopperStar

I get the impression that the big problem here is that these two people were behaving in a very bizarre, immature way and turned the whole thing into a game. That type of behavior is not normal and could make a lot of people in your shoes feel uneasy. I think you did a good thing for yourself by cutting ties and moving on.

Thanks for your reply. If I had known there was anything going on i would not have gone with them in a group and would not have got close to and fallen in love with here. She said she assumed he told me but he never did. I thought we were three friends, one who happened to be female hanging out together

Now she called to me to say they are finished . She wants me to be friends with her. I do not want to. she said she knew i loved here but i denied it as she said she had no feelings like that for me. I am now upset again . i worked hard to get her out of my system.

Should i ask her why she does not love me what is wrong with me?Why coiuld she something in him and not me?

[avlady]

better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

Originally Posted by avlady

better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

I never even got to love her. I had pt this behind me now its opened up again. i do not want to go through what i went through again

[A Red Panda]

She's making it pretty clear that she only views you as a friend.

It hurts, but it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. It just means that she already sees where you wouldn't be compatable as a partner. Which again - doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

She wouldn't want to be friends with you if she thought there was something wrong with you.

If you don't want to be friends with her, then that's your perogative and just let her know that you were only interested in knowing her because you wanted a relationship.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

She's making it pretty clear that she only views you as a friend.

It hurts, but it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. It just means that she already sees where you wouldn't be compatable as a partner. Which again - doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

She wouldn't want to be friends with you if she thought there was something wrong with you.

If you don't want to be friends with her, then that's your perogative and just let her know that you were only interested in knowing her because you wanted a relationship.

should i try to change her mind. I said i did not love her when she said he thought i did. i want to tell her but see no point if i cannot change her moind. There is a show i have tickets for. Should i ask her and ask her what is wrong with me.There must be something. Neither i nor the other guy are models, not rich, not famous etc. He and I are same age more or less same socioeconomic background too.There must be something.

Should i ask her to go on a few dates see if i treat her better than him

[divine1966]

There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes people are just not into us. It sucks but that's life

No treating people better than others did isn't going to make them love you. It doesn't work this way. Sorry


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by divine1966

There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes people are just not into us. It sucks but that's life

No treating people better than others did isn't going to make them love you. It doesn't work this way. Sorry


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sorry do not believe that. Must be a reason she only wants friendship. should i tell her i love her and cannot be friends?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by LonelyMan

Sorry do not believe that. Must be a reason she only wants friendship. should i tell her i love her and cannot be friends?

Listen by this logic everyone should be in love with everyone else, otherwise there is something wrong with us. There are plenty of people I am not in love with and plenty of people aren't in love with me. And there is nothing wrong with us. That's just how it works. Sometimes people just don't feel it. It's not there. The whole idea of falling in love is that it is selective. There is usually no reason

Yes if being friends isn't what you want you can tell her. There is someone there who will love you. Dont be hard on
Yourself

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[A Red Panda]

Tell her that you want more than friends - she already knows that. Telling her that you love her, or that you'll treat her better.... won't have any effect on her. If she only cares for you as a friend, then that's that.

All you'll end up doing is hurting yourself more, and beating yourself up more, if you waste time trying to convince her.

It truly does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. Comparing yourself to the other guy? Is well, pointless. You don't know what she saw in him that she didn't see in you. But it doesn't mean there are things wrong with you.

With the relationships I've been in.... it's always been initiated by the guy. And always ended by the guy. I've yet to be the breaker-upper. I always end up beating myself up over it... because... what on earth is so wrong with me that they can't stand to be around me?

But, when I'm not in the middle of that... I know it's ridiculous. Not everyone is compatable. Sometimes people realize that before they date, other times they learn it at some point during a relationship. And I have to remember that just because it doesn't work, doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with ME.

Asking her why not? Chances are... she won't have an answer to give you. Just that she doesn't see you that way. Have you ever had a female friend that you wouldn't want to date?

I know it's a hard thing to accept. I have the same struggle. And it's soooooo much easier to tell someone else that there isn't anything wrong with THEM yet then turn around and be a hypocrite and go "but there must be something wrong with me!"... I find the best way is to well, point out to myself that if someone told me the same thing that I'd be telling them to knock it off. So I must knock it off myself.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Tell her that you want more than friends - she already knows that. Telling her that you love her, or that you'll treat her better.... won't have any effect on her. If she only cares for you as a friend, then that's that.

All you'll end up doing is hurting yourself more, and beating yourself up more, if you waste time trying to convince her.

It truly does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. Comparing yourself to the other guy? Is well, pointless. You don't know what she saw in him that she didn't see in you. But it doesn't mean there are things wrong with you.

With the relationships I've been in.... it's always been initiated by the guy. And always ended by the guy. I've yet to be the breaker-upper. I always end up beating myself up over it... because... what on earth is so wrong with me that they can't stand to be around me?

But, when I'm not in the middle of that... I know it's ridiculous. Not everyone is compatable. Sometimes people realize that before they date, other times they learn it at some point during a relationship. And I have to remember that just because it doesn't work, doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with ME.

Asking her why not? Chances are... she won't have an answer to give you. Just that she doesn't see you that way. Have you ever had a female friend that you wouldn't want to date?

I know it's a hard thing to accept. I have the same struggle. And it's soooooo much easier to tell someone else that there isn't anything wrong with THEM yet then turn around and be a hypocrite and go "but there must be something wrong with me!"... I find the best way is to well, point out to myself that if someone told me the same thing that I'd be telling them to knock it off. So I must knock it off myself.

Thanks. But there have been times i have known where people are married and they say "Oh when I met her she did not like me"

I want to say to her i love you but that is only going to make me fel worse when she does not want that. Still i want to say it.

What if i ask her to have a few dates and see where it goes no pressure. There is a concert soon i have tickets.

Why could she not have stayed away from me...dragging it all back up....

Thanks

[A Red Panda]

Honestly... it sounds like if you DON'T tell her, you're going to be regretting it and asking yourself a lot of what-ifs.

So go ahead, ask her, tell her. You're right that it may very well make you feel worse.... but at least, in the long run... you'll know you tried. What else is there to lose, she's already turned you down once!

And yeah, emotions about people can change... but not usually through sheer force of will. It develops naturally. And.... well, I'm not sure that would be possible for you because you only want to be around her to have a relationship. If you were to be friends with her... it would be with that sole intention and you'll just grow bitter and angry if she never reciprocates.

You really have nothing left to lose by telling her as you've made it clear you don't want to be friends. So go for it!

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Honestly... it sounds like if you DON'T tell her, you're going to be regretting it and asking yourself a lot of what-ifs.

So go ahead, ask her, tell her. You're right that it may very well make you feel worse.... but at least, in the long run... you'll know you tried. What else is there to lose, she's already turned you down once!

And yeah, emotions about people can change... but not usually through sheer force of will. It develops naturally. And.... well, I'm not sure that would be possible for you because you only want to be around her to have a relationship. If you were to be friends with her... it would be with that sole intention and you'll just grow bitter and angry if she never reciprocates.

You really have nothing left to lose by telling her as you've made it clear you don't want to be friends. So go for it!

i don't think it will make any difference i just want to tell her how i feel about her and why. But that puts me in a weak needy type situation.. when she asked me i denied it cos it was not the right time. i cannot say why it was not right time.

i wish she had stayed away as i wish they both had originally

[A Red Panda]

Yeah, I hear that! It's totally terrifying to be honest about emotions, especially when we can be fairly sure that they won't be reciprocating.

Maybe it didn't feel like the right time because she put you on the spot - when I'm surprised I'm waayyyy more likely to freeze up!

Honestly, I really think your reaction to her showing back up is totally 100% normal.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Yeah, I hear that! It's totally terrifying to be honest about emotions, especially when we can be fairly sure that they won't be reciprocating.

Maybe it didn't feel like the right time because she put you on the spot - when I'm surprised I'm waayyyy more likely to freeze up!

Honestly, I really think your reaction to her showing back up is totally 100% normal.

she said she missed talking to me about the hobby that brought us three together in first place. so that is only level she sees me . i had a thought if she does not feel romantic towards me i can say i do not have friend feelings for her. i rue the day i got talking to her

[A Red Panda]

Of course you can have non-friend feelings for her - my last ex when he broke up with me was like "I just think of us as friends now and I hope that will continue" and I replied with "I really don't see you as a friend, so no thank you. You can leave now."

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Of course you can have non-friend feelings for her - my last ex when he broke up with me was like "I just think of us as friends now and I hope that will continue" and I replied with "I really don't see you as a friend, so no thank you. You can leave now."

well done. i like your spirit. do you ever have to see him? she lives near me
though i will have to meet her out. i cannot move