When someone tries too hard to fit in

Ever cringe at the sight of someone trying too hard to fit in? I will admit, I used to have this problem before college. But then I grew out of it and learned to just be myself. But I have seen people, especially in college, who try too hard to fit in. Their opinions on things change depending on who they hang out with. They have a totally different and forced personality when with a group of friends and just doesn't seem like a genuine interaction. Everything they say or do is overly exaggerated. Has anyone dealt with this problem themselves or has seen it in others? How did you deal with it? With one person I knew, they would take it as far as faking certain emotions just for the sake of other people, positive and negative. It is very cringy and makes you want to stop them immediately in their tracks.

I am not hating on people who do this. If anything, I feel bad that they have to resort to that kind of behavior since I know deep down inside, they are insecure. I used to be in that position so I can easily relate and it may also be why I am able to see when others are doing it. A couple of the people who I've seen who try to hard have come to me at times asking why people just seem to not want to be around them. I wouldn't outright be blunt about it but I would make it known that they should try changing the way they interact. Just be themselves. Of course they didn't like that and thought their interactions were fine. Oh well. Have you ever tried to help someone who tries too hard? Just wondered. It can be annoying and frustrating to see but it happens.

As someone who "being myself" actually caused me to LOSE friends, I kind of feel like for some of us, there's no other way to interact. For me, it's not as simple as just being myself and everyone will like me. Just realizing that some people find my attempts to socialize (and seriously struggling to do so) cringy (and apparently annoying and frustrating as well) just makes me want to isolate further.

As for people reacting negatively to your advice, were you making sure your criticism was constructive (as in specific and positive as opposed to vague and negative)? Are you making sure you don't come across as superior/smug or judgmental? I'm also not sure how often it's another person's place to try to help someone who apparently tries to hard, to be completely honest.

As a socially awkward person myself, I'm not sure how to respond to this original post except to say it sounds kind of judgmental and pitying. Yes, I have seen cringe-worthy interactions. They really don't bother me though, and I just don't say anything because to me, it's not a big deal.

I didn't mean it in a judgmental or pitying way. I feel bad for people like that not because I feel superior, but because I have been in that same place myself and wish they could see that if they were just their true selves, they would be better off. Yes, no everyone will like others who are their true selves, but they will have more friends. Sorry I gave off that vibe. I definitely don't judge or pity people in a condescending manner due to their actions. Like you mentioned, it is ultimately up to them. I agree.

I get what you mean. I have been in that place before, and at times still find myself being afraid to be myself around others. Sometimes you do have to slightly alter the way you act so people won't get the wrong impression. I'm just talking about the extremes. And the part about advice, I never meant it to come off as judgmental or superior. I definitely don't feel like I am better than them. If anything, and it usually involved someone I liked at the time, I didn't want to see them getting hurt. They knew something was up, and I am the kind of person who hates seeing other people in distress. Some people just may not like the advice. But I agree, it is ultimately up to them. I usually don't say anything. I only say something if someone comes to me repeatedly asking for advice.

Hi rdgrad. I understand. After I posted to you, I realized you meant no harm. I just have a different perspective and felt strongly, that just because people are insecure in their interactions, that doesn't make them pitiful. But I also see where you are coming from. I see you want to help.

Yeah I agree. It doesn't make them pitiful at all.

Do you think you may be cringing not because of their interactions alone, but because you see a reminder of your personal hurtful past?

Basically a combination of both. I see wha has happened to me happen gong to someone else. The other person appears to not realize what he or she is accidentally doing, therefore, makes me cringe since I know what the outcome will be. Basically one of those moments where you just want to be like, noooo, stop. But you can't.

You only "know" what the outcome will be because it's based on your personal experiences and feelings.
Otherwise, there are various outcomes to various social interactions.
Think of people flirting at bars for instance. You may cringe at someone's way to start a conversation, but hey, he's trying and it's better to try than not.

Makes sense. I see what you mean.

To be honest, I feel the same way. It's hard to say why. However, it could be that I don't understand it.

I think someone's acting like a different person when they pretend to like something they don't, or are interested in things they usually dislike. Although, when they discuss something even though they don't like it, or give something a try they usually don't like, that doesn't seem like they're acting like a different person. That's seems different. I think it's when they're changing more fundamental parts of their personality to fit in that seem to give me the more negative feelings. I can usually only tell if I've been around the person long enough, though, and by then I probably care more about them.

When I think over it, it might be that it makes me wonder: if they act a certain way with a certain person, do they act differently with me? Also, maybe they aren't comfortable putting on a mask, and feel the need to act very different because they're so afraid no one will like them, which is a little depressing. I think it's just because I'd want them to be more open with me. It does seem to mean that they're lying to some extent as well. Maybe this is harsh, sorry. It's what goes through my head when I think about it.

I don't feel any negative feelings when someone acts a little different depending on who they're around. I think it's okay to have a more polite and professional side vs a more friendly, open side, but I don't think that means you're acting like a different person.

I agree. Yes when I say they act different, I mean they basically change their entire personality. Like, one-on-one, they may come off as rude or conceited but then all the sudden, with someone else or a group of people, they act all sweet and nice. I agree on the professional part. In some cases, you do have to act a certain way even if you don't want to in work situations or other important functions. But in every day social situations that are casual, it is a little more alarming that the same person seems to have several different personalities with different opinions on the same topics for each person they meet.