Finding it hard to stay faithful to one man

Well to be fair, I am an atheist who lives in a Bible Belt state. That alone should tell you how little I care about societal norms and external influences

I do see where you're coming from and I do appreciate the kind words though.

I agree, it is possible to be your own person without letting others or society influence you, in fact that's one of the many things my mom told us as children over n over until.it sank in

As to the Muslim v Christian example given by Elsa (the one you responded to), there are Christian people who live in those countries, but are forced to remain quiet about it due to the very real possibility of being shot or beheaded for their beliefs. Many people go with societal norms not because society "forces" it on them, (How can you technically force anyone to do anything unless you are physically manipulating them? All you can do at worst is threaten or kill them for doing something different.) but because they are afraid of "standing out" and being "different" and possibly being picked on, ridiculed, threatened, beat up, or worse. I am proud of you Darkness, because you don't give in to those fears. It isn't bad to listen to and consider advice though, but that doesn't mean you have to take it if you don't want to. As to some who think I would not have gotten married had I known I would lose my insurance premium help, I would still have gotten married but would have first designed a plan to prepare for that. You and I are a bit alike in that manner, Darkness, we don't truly care what others think. The difference is you take that notion to more of an extreme than I and to be honest, I am not sure if that's good or bad because sometimes I get hurt from letting ppl get to me but I see you sometimes hurt bc you don't let ppl close enough. I'm not sure what the middle ground is, or if there is one. I do believe we are right in one thing: remaining true to ourselves and don't let others get in the way of that.

Please don't take any of what I said wrong. I was agreeing with you, commending you, and offering up a bit of information both from my experiences and knowledge, none of which was meant to criticize or insult in any way.

Also, just so you know Elsa, my comment about "some people thinking I would not marry" was not "directed at you - a few ppl have assumed that, and I generally choose not to correct it for argument's sake. In this response I found it a relevant bit of information and is the only reason I included it.

Yes there are certain societal norms. I think you are simplifying it all a bit.

Sure if we lived in the society where no one married we wouldn't be married either. Or if we lived in the society where everyone was married, we would be married too. But most of us posting on this thread don't live in such societies. We live in the world where some people marry and some don't or some marry and then divorce. That's why so many of us chose different lives of ourselves. There is no requirement to be married at all.

There is a certain advantage of living in the Western world is that we are lucky to have a lot of different choices. There was is no ONE society in Europe or US or Canada. There are many fluid societies here and many ways of life. Certainly if I was born in the society where a woman must be married to survive id most certainly marry young and stay married and wouldn't dream of living any different way.

But I don't live in such country. I lived in both Europe and the US. There is no obligation to be married in neither places. I and many others are lucky in that sense. I felt just as good as single woman and as divorced and as married. I can't care less what society says. At no point I felt pressure to change my life style. I wasn't treated any different either.

Now if anyone posted on this thread that they were raised in culture where one must be married, then of course I'd agree with them. But so far it wasn't the case.

As about your friend...There are people who convert into different faith and yes there are Christians and Jews in Muslim countries. Your friend wouldn't be able to be Christian as a child if she was raised in Muslim family. But theoretically it's entirely possible that she could convert to Chrtianity as an adult. It's not unheard of. People do convert. It's not always easy but it happens. I know people of different faith in different countries, including christians from Muslim countries . So she isn't wrong in theory

Ps I think overall you are comparing completely different things. Things that are required in certain areas/cultures (such as women being covered) and things that aren't required in main stream society we are discussing (most people on this thread live in the US)-being married/staying married isn't a requirement. If someone feels obligated to marry against their true desire and stay married no matter what, it's not society' s doing.

If we look at the timeline of marriage as a sacrament or a legal binding agreement, it has been around for centuries.
The acceptance of divorce especially in the western world has really only taken off in the last 20-40 yrs. Basically it's still in its infancy compared to the legacy that marriage has on society.

Honestly, I am Christian n lived in a Bible belt state (not for that reason, it was just where life landed me at the time), and I'm here to tell you, people there - at least the 100 or so I met, are anything but "Christian", or if they are they twisted the Bible to fit their purposes rather than changing themselves to fit the Bible. I had to get out of there bc I felt myself and saw myself losing evermore of my sanity. Getting out of there proved to be an almost insurmountable task ...but after 15yrs, I finally accomplished it. People here are odd and like playing mind games. I don't like it here for that reason either, but people there enjoyed, even thrived off causing one another pain and hardship. If you are able to withstand it and maintain your sanity, you are much stronger than I.

I simply avoid dealing with people like those that you speak of. If somebody comes up to me and talks about religion or tries to convert me or whatever, I pretend like I'm busy or on my way somewhere important or if I have my headset with me, I pretend to not be able to hear them all to avoid talking about religion.

It's not worth negatively impacting my own mental health to get myself involved in such matters.

Not all of these people preached at you, but if asked, would claim Christianity, but the way they treated folks is completely twisted thinking, and something I have never seen advocated in the Bible.

Seriously they made a game out of causing people to have major drama in their lives - either their interpersonal relationships or job would somehow be impacted, and whoever could "screw the other one over most" was the winner - and the most worthy of friendship. Don't ask me to explain that concept, I will never figure it out. They bragged about sexual indecencies that are considered criminal, and people around them were impressed. Kids and such that were abused in such a manner considered it an honor to have their "first" be "in the family". Seriously it was twisted and I don't know how they defend it.

This is why I don't involve myself with religion at all. Because of all of the deceptions and the shady people that claim to be "religious", it is difficult for me to trust any religion at all. Because of my trust issues; both from my own personal past experiences and having knowledge about all of the lies, misconceptions, and abuse that happens behind the scenes at major churches and other religious organizations, I take a more minimalist approach and avoid associating with any of them at all.

After everything that I've been through and the fact that I had to learn the hard truth not too long after my mother passed away that I was lied to my whole life so she could control me, I stopped having faith in anything that cannot be proven scientifically; this means no religions, spirituality, or even other people in general since you can neither prove nor disprove the existence of God or somebody's motives alike.

Besides, if there really is a God, I don't see how he would fault me for being the way that I am due to what I've went through. I figure that as long as I do more good things in my life than bad, then everything will balance out in the end.

Thinking in such a minimalist manner does make life less confusing for me at least.

That's correct. Acceptance of divorce and I'd add single parenting or cohabitation without marriage are all relatively new modern concepts. But it took off rather quickly along with liberation of women. More options women have less likely they'd stay in bad marriage or marry for no reason. More women have education and career less of them would be forced to be married in order to survive.

I personally got divorced 25 years ago, I knew tons of other divorced women and no one cared a bit (well if they did I wouldn't care).

I understand you, I had this view for almost 15yrs of my life.