Ex-family

Hello all,

I have fallen in love with a man. Our relationship is amazing, we have been together almost 6 months but we have a couple of issues.

1) He has been seperated for 2.5 years but I feel he was not "really" seperated. He would still attend his ex's family functions (even after we met, he went to her dad's birthday party). They still did christmas and birthdays together. He still was buying her birthday gifts. Does this sound like someone who has moved on? When I talk to him about it, he is defensive and has made it clear that he will not "leave" the ex-family.

2) When these issues arise, he is very defensive. I feel he argues like my 4 year old daughter. If I say "I feel hurt because I feel you don't care about my feelings with regards to your ex", his response will be "I feel hurt that you don't care how I feel about my ex family". Is this relationship doomed?

This guy is wonderful when things are good, but when it's bad, it's really bad.

Advice?

Thank you!

Hello, confused2017, and welcome to Psych Central! He might be separated from his wife, but he's sure not separated from anything else about her. That bothers me, especially since he's showing he doesn't care about your feelings. I assume he sees his wife at all these events.

I honestly think you should move on.

Do you know for sure that he is actually separated rather than still married? Why isn't he divorced?

I agree with Travelinglady. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Sending big hugs.

Thank you for your post, I really appreciate it. You're right, he does not seem to care about my feelings at all. I think that is the part that hurts me the most.

Yes, he sees her at these events so it sort of feels like they are still a "family"....or pretending to be. Since that one time, he has told me that he would not attend any more of her family functions. He has followed through on it so part of me thinks he sort of cares.

He has also done a couple things on his own. His son graduated grade 8 in June and his ex invited him to her place for a party (her family and his parents were there). He didn't tell me about the party until after but he did not attend. He only went to the school to see the graduation. I do like that he did that because I feel it showed respect for my feelings, but also he was still "there" for his son.

They were never married, I guess I should have said they broke up 2.5 years ago.

Thank you for your post. He was never actually married. I should have said that they broke up 2.5 years ago. It's when they physically stopped living together.

thank you so much