[Jellyfish18]

I am grateful for any advice.
To shorten things up, female parent is appallingly bad for me. A very unpleasant person in general. She can't even answer a simple question. I have been away from her for the summer, unfortunately I don't know what to do with myself and just need more support in my life. Male parent is not very mature, blows up (angers) over meaningless things and I'm not sure how much support and care he can actually give. Things I need right now. He does not even have a stable job or his own place.
I can only go to my grandmother's right now but they are quite poor there and she is so old she cannot take much care. Apparently he is coming there also and will stay awhile.
Any housing groups are currently full.
I'd like to be somewhere close to family but if no one cares for me then there is no point in this either.
Do you have any good ideas where I could settle so someone cares? I don't know if I can keep going by myself like this.

Are you 18? Because it sounds to me like you do need to move on away from them… start up your own life. And get a job so you can begin to support yourself since obviously they are not doing to much to help. I recommend staying with your grandmother since she doesnt get angry at you. Living with her provides you with some plce to stay rent free. Does she cook or do you know how too? Because i reckon you begin to learn. Cmon although i dont know you look at the little and good things in life. It's not your fault your parents turned out the way they did. You may feel it, but you cant control their actions just by being you. I was adopted i know the pain of knowing that i have a father who was an abusive alcohlic i say was because i dont know him. So now i live with my adoptive parents. But my mom and i arent close and its taken me 12 years to realize its not ALL my fault in fact some people just get all the bad luck.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by NotJustaPrettyGirl

Are you 18? Because it sounds to me like you do need to move on away from them… start up your own life. And get a job so you can begin to support yourself since obviously they are not doing to much to help. I recommend staying with your grandmother since she doesnt get angry at you. Living with her provides you with some plce to stay rent free. Does she cook or do you know how too? Because i reckon you begin to learn. Cmon although i dont know you look at the little and good things in life. It's not your fault your parents turned out the way they did. You may feel it, but you cant control their actions just by being you. I was adopted i know the pain of knowing that i have a father who was an abusive alcohlic i say was because i dont know him. So now i live with my adoptive parents. But my mom and i arent close and its taken me 12 years to realize its not ALL my fault in fact some people just get all the bad luck.

Sure but grandma is old and cannot take much care of me. She mostly does her own thing. If I want to be on the internet all day and feel isolated, I can do that anywhere, not just where people aren't taking care of me at all.
Yes I can cook.
So what is the best thing to do? At my grandma's it is not easy to get a job, at the same time I don't want to be by myself.

[Sunflower123]

Your grandmother sounds like a good idea. You could help each other. Are you over 18? I don't quite understand what you mean when you say you need someone to take care of you. Best wishes.

[Trippin2.0]

Your grandmother is your best bet.

[Jellyfish18]

BUT she is apparently sick right now and just in general cannot take much care of me. She can't help me get a job there or make a life or even help me meet someone... So what on earth do I do, where to turn to? At this point I have been in bed for slightly more than two months nearly all day EVERY day.

[Sunflower123]

With every bit of due respect, what if you took the ball and ran with it? Unless you are under 18 or disabled (and sometimes even then) why not start working on and carving out the perfect life you envision in your mind? Sure you need a support system but I think you can get a job you enjoy, learn to do things for yourself and build a fulfilling life. I wish you the best.

I make these suggestions because you brought up group housing. I am unsure the level and type of 'care' you are seeking whether it just be emotional or more.

1. Get in touch with your regional health authority. You may be able to qualify for government run group homes. These will vary according to need in terms of everything from supervised and extended care (meals made, house cleaning, support) to independent living. If none are at this time available, get yourself put on a waiting list.

2. Call up home care. Once you have your own place they can come in to give you a hand.

3. Contact your local branch of your national/regional mental health association. They may have a suggestion and list of suitable resources

5. For more immediate assistance check to see if your local health authority has an intake office.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Jellyfish18

BUT she is apparently sick right now and just in general cannot take much care of me. She can't help me get a job there or make a life or even help me meet someone... So what on earth do I do, where to turn to? At this point I have been in bed for slightly more than two months nearly all day EVERY day.

Perfect! (not that I am happy she's unwell)

This gives you the opportunity to help take care of her then.
Before long you'll be able to take care of yourself, and wont need someone standing behind you telling you what to do all day.

This is a wonderful opportunity to mature and grow, while bonding with another human being.

[MickeyCheeky]

Moving out with your grandma is not a bad idea.. you can help her with the daily duties, but still have someone to back you up if something goes wrong. I understand it may be scary, though.

Sounds like to me this is a CHOICE.

Jellyfish… everything you do is your choice and nobody else's. You shouldn't let your grandmother and parents control who you are. Youve got to make the decision. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this… living this way? Because if this IS what you want then by all means lay in bed all day, watch the time go by.

Or… live a little, actually LIVE. Get out of the house find hobbies take a walk hunt for work go to social settings. How about starting a work out or diet plan this will give you something to work for… or if you cant work for yourself then do it for your grandmother- she needs you. Dont you know? Everything you do is a choice… the only one who can make it is you.
So make it a choice to lift yourself up off the floor…

Listen to the song 'Dare you to move' (It's an older song and I can't remember who it's by… better yet listen to it outside somewhere.)

Also KNOW your going to have the hard/sad days… but also know you CAN have the happy ones too if you search for them.

P.S I feel bad for your grandmother… Who's taking care of her…?

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

With every bit of due respect, what if you took the ball and ran with it? Unless you are under 18 or disabled (and sometimes even then) why not start working on and carving out the perfect life you envision in your mind? Sure you need a support system but I think you can get a job you enjoy, learn to do things for yourself and build a fulfilling life. I wish you the best.

Hi Jennifer, thanks for thoughts ... Unfortunately as I said it is apparently very difficult to get a job there. What do you think about that?
I will keep you posted ... but I can't live like this much longer.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by NotJustaPrettyGirl

Also KNOW your going to have the hard/sad days… but also know you CAN have the happy ones too if you search for them.

P.S I feel bad for your grandmother… Who's taking care of her…?

I really think something may be wrong with me. Not sure how much I can actually cut it on my own.
She lives with her son who helps her some.

[Trippin2.0]

Have you actually tried to "cut it on your own"?

And if so, what exactly happened?

[divine1966]

Well honestly since you are in your 20s and have no formal diagnosis or disability (or at least you insist that you don't), it's unrealistic to expect someone to take care of you. Now it's not a bad idea to move in with grandma and help her out by taking care of her (not the other way around). If there are no jobs out there though, it could become an issue. I personally believe you need formal diagnosis and professional help, then you could qualify for subsidized housing and/or assistance with group home and employment

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Have you actually tried to "cut it on your own"?

And if so, what exactly happened?

I think she explained in previous threads, she had hard time coping with being on her own and ended up in bed for two months. Can't diagnose online but could be many reasons for that

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Jellyfish18

I really think something may be wrong with me. Not sure how much I can actually cut it on my own.
She lives with her son who helps her some.

There may be something wrong but unless you see a psychiatrist, you won't know.

[Sunflower123]

Jellyfish have you ever seen a therapist or psychiatrist to kind of check out what's going on?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think she explained in previous threads, she had hard time coping with being on her own and ended up in bed for two months. Can't diagnose online but could be many reasons for that

I was hoping for more detail from her this time, to see where things go south for her.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I was hoping for more detail from her this time, to see where things go south for her.

I know. I figured, I thought maybe you didn't realize we are already read several threads about it.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Have you actually tried to "cut it on your own"?

And if so, what exactly happened?

As said, I stay in bed all day on internet on my phone. I only get up to cook or wash dishes or self or buy groceries. I know it is not good but sometimes I sit and just look through window, and do not know what I should do or am supposed to be doing.
I know this may be hard to relate to but it's true.
It's awful.
As for grandma yes I can help some but I am looking for a person to pay attention to what I'm doing. Not just let me stay in bed.

Can you ask your grandma to pay attention? Can you request that she tell you to get out of bed after x amount of days?

Your needs will not be met if you don't communicate them. For me half the struggle is articulating my needs specifically to others.

[Mdslittlbee]

Join the Military, they will test you, and if you are unwell, they might make suggestions, or put you to work, like recruiting or something later.
If you are deemed healthy , many jobs, many skills taught. If you don't want to see Combat, pick a branch like the Air Force. Those who I have met , that had disabilities, called that branch of service "chair Force'', meaning they rode a desk after boot camp.
They get 3 square meals a day, a place to sleep, and work to do every day.
If you wash out of the programs, at least , you will have some skills, to get a job, or change your life at least.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Jellyfish18

As said, I stay in bed all day on internet on my phone. I only get up to cook or wash dishes or self or buy groceries. I know it is not good but sometimes I sit and just look through window, and do not know what I should do or am supposed to be doing.
I know this may be hard to relate to but it's true.
It's awful.
As for grandma yes I can help some but I am looking for a person to pay attention to what I'm doing. Not just let me stay in bed.

But why?

Why do you allow yourself to stay in bed?

I'm trying to understand where this all goes wrong.

Why not make yourself a schedule filled with things to do and follow it?

I think it is very unreasonable to expect someone else to stand behind you and tell you what to do all day, unless you have some type of disability where you need to be treated like a child and be micromanaged.