[brainy]

HiAs many of you already know, the web is full of relationship advice. I visit a few at times. Yet I'm always wondering, as if I'm talking to them "who made you the expert"? They often conflict one another, with many of them advocating "the rules." Then there's the sales pitch to buy their books or programs supposedly to guarantee results in your relationship.
Unfortunately some do and handle their love life strictly by what these people say.
For instance, some say you shouldn't call a man, some say it's okay. And it goes on and on.
So which advice should you go by? Me? I go by and will go by what I think is good for me. Now that doesn't mean it's necessarily the best, but it's definitely the best for ME.
There's a woman I met online a few years ago from MarsVenus site. We exchanged numbers, we lost touch, now we're back together. And though she too has had problems in her relationships, we email each other daily. The advice she gives me shows she has a gift. She has such knowledge and understanding of human nature it's mind boggling! For instance, this man I've shared here. I'm not saying things of pinky perfect, yet from "talking" with her I found out that a lot of it is my own attitude, and the way I'm looking at things. She has helped me to look inside of him, to see what he's trying to do in spite of his weaknesses. She has helped me to understand him vs his mother and their relationship. She has helped calm me down! Because I was about to give up on him, although he still has enduring qualities in spite of everything. Nooo, she never, not once, TOLD me to hang in there. But her insight and patience (and patience especially is very needed dealing with me, I admit), helped me not to give up.

[brainy]

I wasn't able to edit for some unknown reason, so I'm adding it here.

The woman above? My therapist knows about her because I mentioned her, and my therapist is very happy we're back in touch. As a matter of fact, I even told my therapist one day "she talks a lot like you."

[healingme4me]

It is important to go by what works for you. There does seem to be an awful lot of money making advice through book sales. How can any one thing be the ultimate panacea?

Glad to read you've a patient friend.

[brainy]

You're right about this. With so much advice, each claiming to be the ultimate one, it can be confusing. So I do my own thing. My own thing may not be the right or correct thing, and if it turns out that I was wrong...well I was wrong that's all.
For instance, take this man for example. Past Monday I called him. Now some "experts" or people in general might say that's not good. Really? And why not? Because of what the "experts" say? Or what you say or feel about calling a man?
Well it just so happens that he had company, his daughter with her children. But what did he do? He talked with me anyway, as opposed to telling me he can't talk because he has company. The conversation wasnt drawn out. He asked me a question about my religious life, and we talked about it. I was impressed. (Oopss! I forgot to mention he said his mother was there too). We talked just a few minutes more but by then I'm becoming really conscious of his time, so it was I who cut the conversation short. But the point is he made time for me!
I cannot and will not go by these "experts" unless what they have to say is good and will be good for me. And oh yeah, at the end he actually thanked me for calling him.

[divine1966]

It's crazy if so called experts say that a woman should never call a man. That's nuts. I hope you aren't listening to such experts.

I think in general many would advice do not always call a man if he never calls you. Pretty much don't pursue a man if he isn't reciprocating . Like if a woman is the only one who always calls it's a sign the guy isn't interested and it's a waste of time and her dignity BUT if it's give and take and partners just call each other then who is to say it's wrong?

Nowadays both partners have equal power in a relationship. It's not 1800s. If you two are involved in a relationship and are on the same page then it's all what matters regardless who calls who

[FireIsland123]

There was a commencement speech that sort of "went viral." Sort of because there was really not much of an internet back then. Here's what the speaker said about advice: " Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth." I guess I like what he said because so much of the advice we get is from people trying to make up for their own mistakes or regrets. Instead we should really follow our own instincts and then learn from our experiences ( see, I'm trying to make up too!)

[brainy]

Very good fireisland. So true. I like it, especially about the people trying to make up for their own mistakes.

[Erebos]

I find ALOT of it boils down to common sense, something that seems in very short supply these days.

I have also noticed the more booksmarts someone has the less common sense they seem to have. Which basically means the academics know Jack.

I will take lived experience over theory every time.
All that aside, congratulations on getting back in touch with your friend.All the best.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm censoring my thoughts here

[divine1966]

That's a year old thread and op isn't active on PC anymore