[Sellskc]

I have been married for 7 years to a man who is 15 years my senior. When we met I was confident secure and loved myself. Now, I feel like I can never do anything right around him he criticizes almost everything I do. I am to the point where I stay home alone most of the time because I am paranoid that I am doing all of these things that are "wrong. And most of the time he blind side's me by yelling and getting frustrated at me when I didn't even realize or know he was upset or that what In was doing was wrong. I am just looking for ideas to help raise my self esteem and self worth so I don't have to take it so personally....

[Skeezyks]

Hello sellskc: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-eff...relationships/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/in-an-...steps-to-take/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/21-war...-relationship/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC

[Altec]

Welcome to PC,Sellskc. I think the reason your husband is criticizing and getting upset at you is because he is annoyed with himself first. Since he can't confide in you for whatever reason, pride, fear etc, he will instead get more upset and can only release it on you. So, please don't jump into conclusion about what you are doing wrong or how to improve yourself. I fall into that trap too. I realize it's a TRAP and mental distortion. Almost always, the aggressor has something bothering him/her that isn't reconciled at the moment.

The best thing you can do for your self esteem is get away from the person destroying it. Building up your self esteem so you can handle the criticism doesn't feel right to me. You deserve someone who builds you up, not tears you down.

[DanceEngine7]

You may want to get divorced. Will he be mad if you file? is he abusive as in hitting you? I have parents who seem like nice people but they are always watching for anything I do that is wrong! I was raised to believe that everything is bad and wrong and I can do nothing right.! And guess what? I CANT do anything right and I am in my 40's now. My self esteem is ZERO! and I have all kinds of issues. No money, and I hate everything!
I would suggest going to school, getting a better job so you have some money if you don't now. He will just destroy you

[FallDuskTrain]

I am sorry that you have to isolate yourself to escape from abuse. I assume that you feel very lonely.
Do you have any examples that you can share with us?
What is your husband getting upset about?
Although, if every little thing you do bugs him, it is possible that he has many other issues, which may or may not be related to your relationship. I would suggest that he does some self reflection as to what is really upsetting him. You or his anger/issues?

Originally Posted by Sellskc

I have been married for 7 years to a man who is 15 years my senior. When we met I was confident secure and loved myself. Now, I feel like I can never do anything right around him he criticizes almost everything I do. I am to the point where I stay home alone most of the time because I am paranoid that I am doing all of these things that are "wrong. And most of the time he blind side's me by yelling and getting frustrated at me when I didn't even realize or know he was upset or that what In was doing was wrong. I am just looking for ideas to help raise my self esteem and self worth so I don't have to take it so personally....

Part of loving yourself is doing what you want with autonomy. Taking that autonomy down is like taking a part of you away.
You have to make sure you can return to your old habits without anyone taking them away from you.

[Open Eyes]

People who practice this behavior do so in order to control you. He has gotten you to a point where you struggle with self esteem and stay home more right where he wants you to be so he can feel he has control over you. You are probably very dependent on him, something else he prefers you be because he can feel like he is the one who is in control.

People who continually decline when it comes to their sense of self worth begin to suffer from Stockholm's syndrome. You can read about that and see if you can relate to the symptoms described.

It would help you if you could find something to join outside of your relationship, be it taking a class in cooking or art or a reading group etc. where you can get exposure to others who are capable of supporting your effort to regain some self esteem. Seeing a therapist can also be helpful.