[seesaw]

So tonight, spontaneously, I got invited out by two guys online, but it was already past 10pm, and besides being worried about drinking past 10pm and then driving (not that I would have more than 1 beer) I just felt like I couldn't be spontaneous. Like, I can't just throw myself together in minutes and look good like I could in my 20s. I'm in my late 30s and I'm more self conscious about the right outfit, etc.

So I turned this really cute guy down on an offer for a drink...you know what, screw this, I'm going.

[emgreen]

That would be kind of late for me to head out, but I like your spirit & spontaneity. I hope you had a great night.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by emgreen

That would be kind of late for me to head out, but I like your spirit & spontaneity. I hope you had a great night.

I went out. It was fun. Saw a friend at the bar actually. The guy was okay. I was surprised because I'm all worried about whether or not they'll be attracted to me, and here I wasn't very attractive yes to him. But we'll see. We met at a very loud bar and spent most of the time outside talking and it was miserably humid out.

On another note, while I was out, Fish, my dog, decided to.check out the dog.food in the laundry room,.which I must have left cracked open...except the door always closes behind you. So when I came home I couldn't find him. Finally I found him hidden in the laundry closet. He pooped and peed in there but it's lineleum. Oh well.

Seesaw

[ptangptang]

At least it was your dog that did that and not your date, which would have introduced a whole new level of weirdness.
We probably should do more spontaneously and challenge our comfort zone and just do some things at random to see if we enjoy them. That doesn't stretch to what your dog did though.

[Crazy Hitch]

Good for you for going out! I think that's great.

[Shazerac]

I'm curious about the title of your post "I'm a mess." In what way are you a mess? You had a fear thought it through and made a decision. Went out had fun. All sounds good to me.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I'm curious about the title of your post "I'm a mess." In what way are you a mess? You had a fear thought it through and made a decision. Went out had fun. All sounds good to me.

I'm sorry. When I started the thread, literally I was going to post about how i have no confidence and I'm nervous about my body, etc. And I'm chatting with a lot of guys who look cute online and I don't feel equal to them. So my self-confidence is way low. But last night I gained more confidence because even though I'm overweight and covered in scars, this guy was not as cute as I would've hoped and he had no charisma. And even though we had a so-so date, he still sent me a sext pic (you can guess of what) when he got home and is chatting me up this morning.

So I guess I was a mess because I had no confidence. But I think a bit differently now.

Seesaw

[~Christina]

Glad you just got up and went !!!! Good for you.

He probably could have kept that pic to himself LOL !

[divine1966]

Glad you had a good time! But I am a bit lost on what did he send you? A puck of his...? Huh?? Uugghh

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Glad you had a good time! But I am a bit lost on what did he send you? A puck of his...? Huh?? Uugghh

Yes, a pic of his genitalia.

[Shazerac]

A picture of his junk after one date??? Or any date....what the hell is wrong with people ?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

A picture of his junk after one date??? Or any date....what the hell is wrong with people ?

Remember the "generation gap" when we were young? Our parents couldnt understand how we could like guys with long hair? And we were like, this is more natural, the peacock displays his plumage for the peahen. I think maybe this is the new version of the generation gap. Its their mating dance. It does get right to the point.

Eta - i just wonder how effective it is?

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Remember the "generation gap" when we were young? Our parents couldnt understand how we could like guys with long hair? And we were like, this is more natural, the peacock displays his plumage for the peahen. I think maybe this is the new version of the generation gap. Its their mating dance. It does get right to the point.

Eta - i just wonder how effective it is?

It's not really, it just makes things weird. Like I get some teaser pics, like sex posing or whatever, but the sexting totally ruins any chance of it being more than a one off.

Seesaw

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

A picture of his junk after one date??? Or any date....what the hell is wrong with people ?

You'd be surprised how often it happens. I would say definitely more than 50% of the time. I've gotten lots of **** pics.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by seesaw

It's not really, it just makes things weird. Like I get some teaser pics, like sex posing or whatever, but the sexting totally ruins any chance of it being more than a one off.

Seesaw

If all the guy wants is a "one off", then it's 100 percent effective.

[divine1966]

I dated A LOT in my life, in all kind of different ages and on two different continents. Never ever anyone sent me a picture like that. 50% of men????I've been on hundreds of dates in my life and percentage is zero. I really don't think it's a norm. I don't think it's generation gap either. I think it is just trashy type of men, of any age. I'll text my daughter now. Just to check with different age.

Just asked. No, never. No one sent her unsolicited pics of privates lol But she heard that it happens to other women. Certain type of men with certain intent. Gee. So "classy"

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by unaluna

If all the guy wants is a "one off", then it's 100 percent effective.

I don't know. Just seeing d...k pic wouldn't entice me to go sleep with him. In fact I can't imagine women want to sleep with a guy after he sent such pic unprompted. Too bizzare. Turn off for sure.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I dated A LOT in my life, in all kind of different ages and on two different continents. Never ever anyone sent me a picture like that. 50% of men????I've been on hundreds of dates in my life and percentage is zero. I really don't think it's a norm. I don't think it's generation gap either. I think it is just trashy type of men, of any age. I'll text my daughter now. Just to check with different age.

Just asked. No, never. No one sent her unsolicited pics of privates lol But she heard that it happens to other women. Certain type of men with certain intent. Gee. So "classy"

Well on a free dating site, you get what you pay for, right? I think it has something to do with my body type. I've been told I'm very attractive, but I'm VERY curvy, so I think that attracts pervs. Fortunately they are sending through the site so I can report them.

Divine, I'm sorry you haven't experienced the power of the **** pic yet. You don't know what you're missing. J/k.

It actually gets to be kind of gross and icky.

Seesaw

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by unaluna

If all the guy wants is a "one off", then it's 100 percent effective.

Hahahah, true.

[Shazerac]

Maybe it is an age gap. I dunno. I'm glad I don't date now. What happened to romance and mystery and getting to know someone?

Seems like now it's: me boy...you girl. Here's a pic of my junk..show me your pootey tang. Ok let's boink....

Nothing left to do but maybe smoke a cigarette and throw feces like we are monkeys.

Oh well...*** mutter...mutter,...

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Maybe it is an age gap. I dunno. I'm glad I don't date now. What happened to romance and mystery and getting to know someone?

Seems like now it's: me boy...you girl. Here's a pic of my junk..show me your pootey tang. Ok let's boink....

Nothing left to do but maybe smoke a cigarette and throw feces like we are monkeys.

Oh well...*** mutter...mutter,...

All of that still exists. Dating hasn't changed just the way you get to the date and how you pick the guy up.

To be clear, I'm not sending these pics. I receive them. I'm feeling a little bit judged here,.to be honest.

Seesaw

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Well on a free dating site, you get what you pay for, right? I think it has something to do with my body type. I've been told I'm very attractive, but I'm VERY curvy, so I think that attracts pervs. Fortunately they are sending through the site so I can report them.

Divine, I'm sorry you haven't experienced the power of the **** pic yet. You don't know what you're missing. J/k.

It actually gets to be kind of gross and icky.

Seesaw

It IS gross. I think it's an issue with free site and men looking for sex rather than your body type. If you are looking for a nice man, might try something else. It's good for laughs but in a long run it's kind of depressing. You deserve better. Some expensive sites have free trials or free weekends etc I'd give it a try.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Maybe it is an age gap. I dunno. I'm glad I don't date now. What happened to romance and mystery and getting to know someone?

Seems like now it's: me boy...you girl. Here's a pic of my junk..show me your pootey tang. Ok let's boink....

Nothing left to do but maybe smoke a cigarette and throw feces like we are monkeys.

Oh well...*** mutter...mutter,...

I don't think romance or dating changed at all. Nothing changed imho how people meet and date etc in my experience there was no change in the past 30 years. My second husband dated me two years ago same as my first husband 30 years ago. Same. My daughter is a widow and just slowly started dating again. Nothing in her dating experience differs from mine now or many years ago. From what I see dating and romance didn't change at all.

There were always men who only wanted sex though. Or trashy men who have no respect for women. Now and 50 years ago and 100 years ago. That didn't change. Before cell phones they wouldn't send pics, that's different, but premise is the same.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by seesaw

All of that still exists. Dating hasn't changed just the way you get to the date and how you pick the guy up.

To be clear, I'm not sending these pics. I receive them. I'm feeling a little bit judged here,.to be honest.

Seesaw

Please, dont feel bad. My main concern would be how to get assurance that there was truth in advertising, that this was not "bait and switch", ie hes sending me somebody elses picture!

My personal feeling - i do have a profile on okcupid - while i theoretically am open to "casual outings", there definitely would have to be an irresistable attraction. But that would be like starting up an old car thats been sitting in a garage for the past ghxty years. He better have some awesome jumper cables! Otherwise, yeah its gonna take a lot of coaxing... (thats not co-axing!)

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Please, dont feel bad. My main concern would be how to get assurance that there was truth in advertising, that this was not "bait and switch", ie hes sending me somebody elses picture!

My personal feeling - i do have a profile on okcupid - while i theoretically am open to "casual outings", there definitely would have to be an irresistable attraction. But that would be like starting up an old car thats been sitting in a garage for the past ghxty years. He better have some awesome jumper cables! Otherwise, yeah its gonna take a lot of coaxing... (thats not co-axing!)

I had casual dating and casual sex experiences. Mutually agreed upon and consensual, discussed it etc. I even understand sending naked pics (not my cup of tea but it's ok if others like it). Unsolicited pics of genitalia though no thanks lol and you are right: maybe not even his lol