Obsessed!!

Yes it is.

Maybe chill a bit and focus on not being revenge crazy. No offense, but it would probably be good for you. Also i find the way you blame everything on this one person, EVERYTHING is their fault, a bit suspicious. Not trying to be mean, but maybe learn from this experience something you can use to make sure it doesn´t happen again.

Fluffy, I am not to blame at all except for the fact that I gave too much to the wrong person. I didn't really need your comment and it's really not helpful or supportive in this situation.

I understand. I do admire your confidence in that you did nothing wrong in this relationship. It´s a good approach, and will probably let you move on a lot quicker. Usually people doubt and blame themselves a little bit. I´m uncertain why you even made the post in the first place, if you were not seeking confirmation that you did nothing wrong. Perhaps you were looking for encouragement and i am very happy you received it.

What do you even mean?

You don’t know her backstory so you don’t know what happened. You aren’t being supportive right now. What purpose do your posts serve on this thread?

I think lets stop attacking Fluffy. Fluffy is providing a different perspective on the issue by encouraging her not to be revengeful. We should all encourage her, and anyone in this situation, not to be revengeful. Having a revengeful attitude can potentially block someone’s perspective to see other avenues of freedom. Being revengeful makes us think incorrectly and can potentially force us to make wrong decisions.
We cannot all be supportive by saying what the other person wants to hear. Sometimes being supportive can be to provide an opposing perspective that challenges a certain behavior or thinking pattern.

At no point I encouraged revenge.

I did not say you did.
Flully, in an earlier post, was encouraging her not to be so revengeful. My comment was merely about Fluffy’s post about inviting her not to focus on revenge as much. That is it.

Look everyone. I was simply angry and wanted revenge because he hurt me so badly. It's two weeks later and I'm pretty much over it. I no longer want revenge. I just want to move on. He sucks and wronged me. The best revenge is being happy. I gotta move on now. Any further comments that are not supportive are not welcomed here.

AND I will add --- DO NOT attack me for christ's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So glad you are mostly feeling this way about it all now!

My idea of giving advice on this site is usually coming up with a completely opposite view of what everyone else is advising. That way the person asking for advice will either gain a new perspective, or see that the opposite view is completely ridiculous and be even more certain in the decision they make. I should probably word it more kindly though....

Sorry I got so emotional, but I felt attacked, and I am still in pain.

I don’t blame you for feelings this way. He took advantage of your kindness and generosity plus he stole from you and freaking owes you money. Insinuations that you are to blame for this would feel like an attack. Hang in there. It will get better!

YES, YES and YES!!!!

I know I am not to blame for this whatsoever. He's the scum bag who took full advantage of me, as you said. And thank you, Divine. ((((Hugs)))))

I woke up this morning, filled with thoughts of HIM all over again. WHY can't I shake him from my thoughts????? It's obsessive, and I can't seem to control it.

I listed out everything negative about him:

he lies
he steals
he does illegal things
he was being unfaithful????

he has no career
no job
no car
HUGE debt
no ambition
no motivation
totally irresponsible

insomniac
abusive alcoholic
major depressive

And STILL I obsess over it. The picture I had in my mind of who he is does not match any of the reality. Perhaps I am still trying to come down to reality and out of the fantasy of him.... he built a good fantasy that I embraced because it all sounded so good. I was in love with the fantasy.....

And STILL I wake up with thoughts of him, first thing. He used to send me text messages late at night so that I would wake up with a nice message from him in the morning, telling me how I am everything to him and how much he loves me.

It was all just BS. He turned his back on me.

I guess I am not that much better. I thought I was... in the last few days I felt better, but still I am obsessing.

It's very early days, Eve.

Sigh.... yes, you are right, Purple. I want to just be OVER this already. Like NOW. I have no patience for the process.

You're doing all the right things. Keep busy. Build up new habits and routines. Is there something nice you can do as soon as you wake up? Breakfast in a nearby cafe? A phone call with someone who cheers you up?

Well, my parents are away right now and return Tuesday. I can talk to them instead when I wake up and that will help. They are totally against him. They think he's bad news for me and saw all that he did to me. They didn't like how he behaved and treated me when we lived together. They also think he's a total liar, which he is. They doubt his stories about these two restaurants delaying him from starting work. They thought he lied about this, and now I doubt it, too.

Writing in my journal helps. I've re-read what I've written, and I had serious doubts after we got back together.

So, I can continue going out with my friends, talking to my family and friends about it, writing in my journal and talking in therapy about it. As far as developing new habits and routines? Well I need to stop calling the psychics, as you already know -- UGH!!!!!! I have a serious problem.

Eve did I read you have been using psychics (my apologies if I read that wrong)?

I wonder if you are looking for external validation that you are better off out of this? From what you write here you undoubtedly are.

Yes, I have been using psychics to get to the truth of the matter. I am looking for validation of what I already feel to be true in my heart of hearts.

Well, when someone tells you over and over again that they're going to get a job ASAP to pay you back the money they owe you, but don't do it after a whole year and thousands of dollars spent, that he owes me, well then no motivation to work becomes a BIG PROBLEM. He allowed me to carry the expense of everything, including our long distance visits AND me supporting him the whole time we lived together, while he STILL didn't find and obtain work. He is a BUM. So yes, no ambition and no motivation ARE a problem, at least with us it was. He probably needs someone who doesn't care if he doesn't work, or someone on disability. I DO have normal standards. I also expected him to pay me back a lot of the money he owed me, which he promised he would and never did! I am no more powerful than anyone else, but I am successful in my career, I am ambitious and strive for better always, and I know what i want.

The morning pining for him has passed then, thank goodness.