yesterday i studied with someone. she did not want me. she was cold and said i was an "odd duck".

today i was square dancing. i danced with many people but i was there with one person. she wanted me too much. she was loud, 24, childish, annoying. i would like to say she is an "odd duck". I hate people like her. i became cold with her and she left.

tomorrow i am having dinner with someone. i think it will be overwhelming.

i like it best when things are anonymous. if i were at the dance today without a partner, i could have taken what i needed, which is exercise, human touch, and engagement with music. i like to dance a lot.

i don't like people. i wish there were one person i had to go back to and give me a prolonged hug. i feel lost and lonely. it is better if i don't attach.

i feel like attaching to these people for short periods of time has made me dirty. i need to get them out of my psyche. they make me feel disgusting.

i enjoy being alone.

Good luck with your dinner. I'll be thinking of you as I sit through an awkward lunch tomorrow myself, trying to pass myself off as a normal duck, and then feeling kind of fake for it.

Just don't feel like you owe anyone an apology for what you want out of life. You're perfectly acceptable as a loner, an odd duck, or a picky person when it comes to friends. That's just who you are, and there's nothing wrong with it.

I like your style of writing, so much.
Being alone is the best. Other people, drag you down. Or maybe not all other people, but the ones that don´t drag you down, i have never encountered. Have fun dancing.

I want to like people....something about me isn't appealing to other people though, so now, I find it best to be alone. Ty, I'm sorry, I know you're wanting support, but this post made me feel better, so huge thanks. Good luck with everything n indeed, everyone ((Hugs))

[Bill3]

It sounds like you get lonely if totally without people. You would like to dance and also to have a hug. However, on the other hand a lot of people blunder about and don't notice or respect your specific need for personal space. They charge in and make you feel sullied, they make you question yourself for having made contact with people in the first place.

Originally Posted by Hinny

I want to like people....something about me isn't appealing to other people though, so now, I find it best to be alone. Ty, I'm sorry, I know you're wanting support, but this post made me feel better, so huge thanks. Good luck with everything n indeed, everyone ((Hugs))

haha no worries. the best to you.

the funny thing is people often like me, I have a good veneer, but i can't properly have a relationship. so they like me from a distance.

it is disgusting of me but i have never been able to be with someone romantically (sexually?) without drinking or being incredibly stupid/yielding/full of lies. so now i don't know how to attach without attaching, if you know what i mean. I'm either closed off or reliant.

anyway, "odd duck" is to me more of a containing phrase than an insult. it's a dismissal. but i am weird, that's true, because it's fun.

let's get rid of those people from my mind and make sure i do my work. the only thing that matters is the result. as technology increases, including facial recognition, etc, I can't let myself be anomalous in public. at the end of the day, it's just an emotion i am feeling, no need to worry about it. i need to make the proper adjustments to appear as advanced as possible without actually changing. it's best to look boring on the outside. i'm a product, not a human.

this got away from me, lol.

[CF17]

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

yesterday i studied with someone. she did not want me. she was cold and said i was an "odd duck".

today i was square dancing. i danced with many people but i was there with one person. she wanted me too much. she was loud, 24, childish, annoying. i would like to say she is an "odd duck". I hate people like her. i became cold with her and she left.

tomorrow i am having dinner with someone. i think it will be overwhelming.

i like it best when things are anonymous. if i were at the dance today without a partner, i could have taken what i needed, which is exercise, human touch, and engagement with music. i like to dance a lot.

i don't like people. i wish there were one person i had to go back to and give me a prolonged hug. i feel lost and lonely. it is better if i don't attach.

i feel like attaching to these people for short periods of time has made me dirty. i need to get them out of my psyche. they make me feel disgusting.

i enjoy being alone.

Urgh, that's exactly how I feel. So true. Reminds me that we have to stop blaming ourselves all the time. Society is disgusting.

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like you get lonely if totally without people. You would like to dance and also to have a hug. However, on the other hand a lot of people blunder about and don't notice or respect your specific need for personal space. They charge in and make you feel sullied, they make you question yourself for having made contact with people in the first place.

I desire a monogamous, exclusive relationship, so that I don't have to be so disorganized with who I give my feelings to. These people all have bits and pieces of me, and I find it stressful because it means something to me.

[Bill3]

the funny thing is people often like me, I have a good veneer, but i can't properly have a relationship. so they like me from a distance.

it is disgusting of me but i have never been able to be with someone romantically (sexually?) without drinking or being incredibly stupid/yielding/full of lies. so now i don't know how to attach without attaching, if you know what i mean. I'm either closed off or reliant.

I do not see your behavior as disgusting, I see as a learned form of self-care. I suggest that somewhere along the line, probably in your childhood, you learned that it was dangerous to attach your genuine self to those around you, to allow your genuine self to be vulnerable. Thus now, as I see it, when you enter a relationship in which attachment could occur, you bring a nongenuine self to the relationship. Thus you defend/protect your genuine self.