I seriously cannot deal. I need support.

Last night, I went to a guy who treated me like **** last summer. I was looking for sex this time. I was lonely. But initially I liked him over the summer, though he was pretty much a buffoon then, too. He was rude to me. Though we made out and it was really hot. He is seeing someone, he told me. Which I was actually, while it stung to hear, I was also grateful. I was having serious doubts about even hooking up with him. He really hurt me last summer. He rejected me. And I went back to him. Looking for more.

Men have been interested in me before, like, nice men. I have a friend who is really interested in me now. He's a genuinely nice person. But I am not feeling the physical attraction. Even though, conversationally, he is great. I feel a large connection with him and am fond of him. I just can't imagine having sex with him, and don't want to. I don't think I should have to push myself, either, to be attracted physically to someone who I am not.

I don't know if I'm out of whack, or if it's just not my time to meet someone who clicks. I have met people who clicked before. Where it has been mutual. Sometimes, I think, it's a little of both. I don't think I need to pressure or force myself to be attracted to ANYONE that I'm not. But maybe I need to work on my self esteem, confidence, and my life, in terms of...just living it without the focus of men. Maybe I will write poetry, and take a writing class, and paint, and make art. I can focus on other things, like getting a job, and going back to school.

I personally think...I just don't know that many people. I don't know. I'm not the most social 34 year old woman. But I like the idea of saying goodbye to dating for a year. It is hard. When horny, or lonely. I really feel the pull and desire to be with someone. I'm back on those stupid free dating sites like OkCupid and POF. They are so disappointing. It's where I met buffoon guy.

I know I'm going to be ok. I would really like support here though. Thanks.

I see no harm in putting your energy into other things for a while. If you feel like your intimate relations are just not panning out, and causing more stress than relief, then maybe it's time to focus on other things you need out of life. Of course, should that random person come along who clicks with you in the way you desire, that would require re-evaluating your no-dating rule. We don't want you missing out, but you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

In the meantime, this is a great time to start this new chapter, too. You're out on your own, with your own living space, and seem ready to get some other things rolling. We'll be here to share ideas or just listen, if this is what you decide to do.

Thanks Bjornen. I saw your message and smiled.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think the idea of not dating for a while is great. Even if it's not for a full year, taking some time for yourself, doing some activities, and trying to grow as a person is a great perspective. I'm sorry you're feeling lost and confused

[LaraR4444]

I've made some really foolish and hurtful mistakes in the past because of "love" and sex.

I learned a lot from it about what I have a tendency to do and what I really want out of a relationship. It's completely different than what I started out trying to get. So, at least that pain was useful.

It's going to be very hard to find because I have high expectations of myself and my partner as far as how to love each other, and, if most people could find someone they can do that with, more relationships would last. Also I'm pretty eccentric, so the possibility of finding someone compatible is... well, I'm putting finding that to a miracle.

So, I've decided not to LOOK for a relationship. Looking gets me in trouble. I keep hoping I'll stumble on someone online, but it hasn't happened. Might meet someone in person, I suppose, but there aren't many opportunities. A relationship would be very nice but I've learned that I feel lonelier in a bad relationship than I do being single.

[Dziadzi]

Hi, StarrySky, I am Frank. I am new to this site, but not to anxiety and depression. I would be honored to be a friend of yours. We all need support. Maybe we can help each other out.

I was a teacher for many years until a fall at work caused me to be disabled. Until then, I was an avid hunter and fisherman. I had spinal decompression fusion in '03 and my life has gone downhill ever since.

Let me know if you would like to keep in touch.

Originally Posted by starrysky

I seriously cannot deal. I need support.

Last night, I went to a guy who treated me like **** last summer. I was looking for sex this time. I was lonely. But initially I liked him over the summer, though he was pretty much a buffoon then, too. He was rude to me. Though we made out and it was really hot. He is seeing someone, he told me. Which I was actually, while it stung to hear, I was also grateful. I was having serious doubts about even hooking up with him. He really hurt me last summer. He rejected me. And I went back to him. Looking for more.

Men have been interested in me before, like, nice men. I have a friend who is really interested in me now. He's a genuinely nice person. But I am not feeling the physical attraction. Even though, conversationally, he is great. I feel a large connection with him and am fond of him. I just can't imagine having sex with him, and don't want to. I don't think I should have to push myself, either, to be attracted physically to someone who I am not.

I don't know if I'm out of whack, or if it's just not my time to meet someone who clicks. I have met people who clicked before. Where it has been mutual. Sometimes, I think, it's a little of both. I don't think I need to pressure or force myself to be attracted to ANYONE that I'm not. But maybe I need to work on my self esteem, confidence, and my life, in terms of...just living it without the focus of men. Maybe I will write poetry, and take a writing class, and paint, and make art. I can focus on other things, like getting a job, and going back to school.

I personally think...I just don't know that many people. I don't know. I'm not the most social 34 year old woman. But I like the idea of saying goodbye to dating for a year. It is hard. When horny, or lonely. I really feel the pull and desire to be with someone. I'm back on those stupid free dating sites like OkCupid and POF. They are so disappointing. It's where I met buffoon guy.

I know I'm going to be ok. I would really like support here though. Thanks.

[magicalprince]

Yeah, IMO don't force yourself, it sounds like forcing less is exactly what you need. It doesn't have to have a set timeframe or anything, just go with it until something is feeling different, feeling more "right."

[~Christina]

I think focusing on yourself and just finding balance will help you down the road when/ if you decide to dip your toes in the water.

You have value and deserve respect and real kindness and love.

Thank you Christina, and everyone. I made it official for myself a week or so ago. I'm not dating until January 1, 2019. It feels really good to be doing this. Focusing on other things If I meet someone awesome, that would be a time of reevaluation. But yeah.