[idknow]

Hi, this is my first post so I’m not really sure about how this works but anyways. I’m here mainly because I have a fear of commitment and relationship anxiety.
I’ve realized this fairly recently since I’m starting (trying at least) a new relationship. For context, I’m female, 18 y/o and this is my first ever relationship. Other attempts in the past haven’t worked bc of my anxiety but I hadn’t realized this until now.
I’ve been going out with this guy for about two months now and everything had been going great until about two weeks ago. I started to get an immense sense of doubt and second guessing my decision of being with him. I started to overthink and kept telling myself that I was faking liking him and that I was actually trying to force myself into all of this. I’ve also started to cringe at some things he says to me, things that I used to like and made me feel good. I constantly worry he’s not “the right one” and I’m just too scared of being lonely and that’s why I’m with him. The thing is, right now it’s like there’s two parts of me constantly fighting over control of my feelings. One of them is sure that I want to be with him and have a steady relationship, and the other is telling me to get out of there and not let him get closer to me. I’m so scared I’m gonna hurt him because he genuinely cares for me, but i think I’m even more scared of letting him into my life and him leaving because he realizes he doesn’t like me.
I don’t know what to do or how to figure out what my real feelings are rather than just my anxiety speaking. All advice is welcome

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by idknow

I started to get an immense sense of doubt and second guessing my decision of being with him.

I kept telling myself that I was faking liking him and that I was actually trying to force myself into all of this.

I’ve also started to cringe at some things he says to me, things that I used to like and made me feel good.

I constantly worry he’s not “the right one” and I’m just too scared of being lonely and that’s why I’m with him.

One of them is sure that I want a steady relationship, and the other is telling me to get out of there and not let him get closer to me.

I’m so scared I’m gonna hurt him because he genuinely cares for me

My understanding is that you're wanting a relationship and he's not the one for you. Just because he's caring and wants "you" in his life, it doesn't mean he's right for "you".

I suspect the honeymoon phase ended and you're starting to see the reality of who he is and what you want.

Listen to your gut instincts. It's ok to end a relationship with someone who is super nice, caring, and loving.. if they're not meant to be with us. I'm guessing this is your struggle.. "He really cares about me, I want to be in "a" relationship, and I'm feeling anxious about this." Maybe he's just not for you and that's ok.

[AzulOscuro]

I do agree with what MsLady has said.
It happened to me something very similar with one of my best friends’ bother.
I was also very young but I tried my best to go on with the relationship. I thought I was very lucky and that I couldn’t ask more.
The thing is that I was very coward. I asked him to give me a time alone but in my head, I was breaking up. The thing is that I had the poor guy coming to look for me everyday to my secondary education building so up he finally told me that he meet a girl he wanted to try it with and I felt relief.
It was also very good for him because he met who is now his current wife.

Hope my experience can help you. You are very young and you have the right to have experiences and break hearts. And it’s the best for both parties, believe me.

[Bill3]

Other attempts in the past haven’t worked bc of my anxiety but I hadn’t realized this until now.

How did these other relationships end?

but i think I’m even more scared of letting him into my life and him leaving because he realizes he doesn’t like me.

Would you be willing to say a little more about this fear?